DEAR FAMILY

I have wondered how I could best help you through this difficult time.  I have come to the decision that this letter of sorts may be best.  I am unable to speak well enough to express what I desire to teach you.  But the written word serves me well and you will have time to ponder and pray about the principles I am trying to share with you.  I hope that you will spend enough time to learn from the Spirit that these things will help you.

I believe that you each have a testimony of the gospel.  I would remind you of how you received that testimony.  You read the Book of Mormon and thought about what you read.  Then you prayed about it and received an answer through the Spirit that it was true.  This process is taught to us in the Book of Mormon. 

"Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down unto the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

"And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."  (Moroni 10:3 - 5)

Read it, study it, ponder over it in your heart.  Then ask Heavenly Father if it is true.  Have faith that He will answer your prayer and be determined to follow that answer.  Then by the Spirit He will answer.   

Verse 5 says, "And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."  This tells us that we can apply this process to anything we need to be sure about.  I urge you to use it with these things that I am trying to teach you.  Read these things, think about them.  Decide how they affect you.  Then ask Heavenly Father about them.  He will teach you more than I ever could.  By the Spirit you will come to know that these things will help you through this great trial. 

There is an old saying I remember, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."  I am hoping that you each know how much I care.  All of you are very important to me.  You need to know that I love each of you more than you can know.  This is something that will not change.  If this disease takes me to the point that I am unable to express this, you may know now and then that my love for you will always remain constant. 

I remember when Grandma Hansen died.  She has always been one of my favorite people.  As a young boy I spent a lot of time at Grandma's house in Nyssa, Oregon.  Days were spent working in her garden weeding or catching tomato worms, for which she paid us a quarter each.  We often went swimming on hot afternoons and returned to wonderful meals prepared from her garden.  In the evenings we would have piano lessons or listen to Grandma's stereo.  Our favorite album was the "Grand Canyon Suite".  I learned to love working in the garden and having good music around. 

In 1990 Grandma had a stroke, went into a comma and it did not look like she would survive.  I was at work one day all alone.  Grandma came to me and let me know that she was dying.  She let me know that she loved me.  She wanted to know if I would be ok if she died.  I indicated to her that it was all right and that I loved her, too.  And then she was gone.  It was just a brief moment but one I will always treasure.  I knew I was important to her.

I remember when I received my mission call to South Africa.  It was a saturday afternoon.  I hopped in the car and drove down town to get the mail.  My mission call was there.  I opened it and read South Africa.  I was thrilled.  I rushed home and showed my mom and dad.  The whole house was filled with excitement.  I had only three weeks to get ready.  We were all thinking and planning what we needed to do to get ready.  Everyone was filled with anticipation and happiness.

Then I noticed dad.  He was sitting on the couch with a sort of downcast look on his face.  I went over and sat beside him and ask what was troubling him.  He told me he was happy I was going on a mission but he had hoped I would go somewhere closer to home.  Then if something happened to me he could come and take care of me.  In Africa he would not be able to come and help me.  I was touched by his concern and I knew it was motivated by his love for me.  This and many other experiences like it have let me know that dad loved me.  When he died my one major regret was that I was not sure that he knew how much I loved him.  I hope he does.

I hope that you each know of my great love for you.  I love your mother more deeply now than I ever have.  When I first saw her she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.  She is even more beautiful to me now.  She and I have been through a lot together.  I remember the heartache we both felt when baby Melissa was taken from us.  We look forward to being with her and getting to know her as we do each of you.  We were so anxious to get you here after that and each of you has been a great blessing to us.  Your mother has always been there to help me through the hard times of this illness.  Sometimes its much harder on her than on me so help her when I am not able to.  Always remember that she is the most important person in my life.

Nick, you and I have been buddies since you were born.  You have always wanted to do things your own way though.  You woke us up almost every night around one or two in the morning.  You didn't need a diaper change and you weren't hungry.  You just wanted to be held.  I would sit with you in the rocker and sing John Denver songs to you for a half hour or so.  Then you would go back to sleep.  Those moments were and still are precious to me.

Tessa Marie, you and I have been great friends since you came into our lives.  I nicknamed you TQ.  When you wanted to know what it meant I told you it stood for "too cute."  That doesn't make a lot of sense but then not all things have to make sense.  I hope that we can always be great friends and that you will know that you are still "too cute" to me.

Micah, you have perhaps the deepest feelings of all the kids.  In some ways you and I are very much alike.  You love music as I do but I think you have more talent for it than I do.  You love to draw.  When I was your age I loved drawing with pastels.  You have a strong temper like I did at your age.  And like grandpa you would like to take care of me.  Know that I feel as strongly about you as you do for me.

Matt, you have always tried to do what is right.  One day your teacher called and said that you had been in a fight at school.  Your mother and I could not believe it.  You always did what was right but I guess you had good reason that day.  I am proud of you and your obedient nature and I know that Heavenly Father is too.  Heavenly Father has said that if we love Him we will keep His commandments.  You have shown that you do and I love you for it.

Jennifer Ellen, you have a great capacity to show love.  Every night you come in and give me a kiss on each cheek and wait for me to return them.  I look forward to that little ritual each night and on those nights when you haven't come in I feel a little bit sad.  If I get to the point where I cannot give Mom a hug and a kiss, will you do it for me?

Kelly, I nicknamed you Budger, a name I got from one of my favorite John Wayne movies.  You remind me of him in many ways.  You have a very strong sense of right and wrong.  Often there is no doubt in your mind what the right thing to do is.  Then you always do what you feel is right.  Always follow that sense that you have, it is a gift from Heavenly Father.

Do you remember when we went to the temple to have Tessa, Matt, & Jenny sealed to us.  It was one of the sweetest experiences we have had as a family.  To be there in the sealing room of the temple all dressed in white.  It felt a lot like I expect heaven will be like.  Before we went in I felt the spirit whisper to me that we would be a family forever if we keep the commandments.  That has always been my greatest hope, that each of us would live worthy to be together as a family forever.

When I first found out that I had a terminal illness I spent hours in thought and prayer about why such a terrible thing could happen to me.  It wasn't fair, I didn't deserve this.  Maybe I would wake up one day and this terrible nightmare would be over.  Then one day I was at work alone again.  I was in deep thought about this terrible adversity.  I prayed about it again and asked Heavenly Father to heal me or change it to something that I could handle.  Suddenly the Spirit came to me and I received an answer.  It was just this, "Duane, you are one of my sons and I love you.  I have everything in control and all will be ok."  It came as a quiet thought with the power of the Spirit.  With it came a feeling of joy and then it was over.  He didn't tell me what would happen or that I would get better or why this was happening.  He just let me know how much He cared for me. 

I would hope that you each know that Heavenly Father feels the same way about you.  You are literally His spirit sons and daughters and He loves each of you as only He can.  He is omnipotent.  That means He is all powerful, He can do anything.  He has a plan for us and is in control of what might befall us.  If we work hard to keep His commandments He will bless us.  He has already blessed us many times through this hardship and we should be very grateful for those blessings.  If we follow His plan for us we can know that "all will be ok", no matter what might happen.

To understand Heavenly Father's love for us let's consider what He has done for us.  He provided a plan whereby we could come to earth, receive a physical body, and if we live worthy return to live with Him again.  And if we do He has promised us all that He has.  As we have lived our lives here on earth we make mistakes and we all sin.  In order to return to Heavenly Father we would need a redeemer, someone who could pay the price  for our sins.  Only a perfect person could do this.  So Heavenly Father gave us His only begotten Son.  In John it says,

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

"For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved."

(John 3:16 - 17)

Heavenly Father sent Jesus to live and die for us, knowing what a great sacrifice it would be.

And Jesus lived a perfect life and then willingly took upon Himself the pain and suffering for our sins.  He freely gave up His life so that we could repent and return to live with Him and Heavenly Father.  Jesus said,

"This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.

"Ye are my friends, if ye do whatsoever I command you."

(John 15:12 - 14)

He freely gave up his life for us.  No one can do more for you or love you more than He has and does.

So I hope that you each know now how very important you are to me.  I may not always show it but you are the most important people in my life.  I have tried very hard to provide the kind of family that would help you to return to Heavenly Father.  I know that He loves you more than you can know and He will take care of you and bless you as you obey His commandments.  Also I know that His Son, Jesus Christ, loves you and has given His life for you.  I hope that you know these things, too, but if you don't I hope you will make the effort to find out if they are true.  Follow the process that we talked about.  Study these things.  Think about how they apply to you.  Think about what it means that you must do.  Pray about it as much as it takes to get an answer.  If you will have faith He will answer your prayers and you can know these things, too.  Love Dad

                                                        WHY?

That's the big question.  This is not fair, why should I have to get such a terrible illness.  I'm one of the good guys.  I always try to do the right thing.  I know I'm not perfect but I don't think I deserve this.  When Grandma Hansen died I understood, she was 85 years old.  She had lived a good long life.  When my dad died a month later I did not understand.  He was still young, only 58.  I wasn't ready for this and there was nothing I could do about it.  And then on top of all this I am diagnosed with a terminal illness.  Why?  I don't understand.

It reminds me a little of driving.  I've always been a good driver.  I obey the speed limits.  I follow all the rules.  I check my mirrors often, I am aware of every other car in my vicinity.  I watch a fair distance ahead so I know what's coming up.  Most of the time I really enjoy driving.  But even though I work hard to be a good driver there are days when I hit every red light in town.  I've gone through a whole range of feelings while waiting for the light to change to green.  I've gotten mad, frustrated, felt sorry for myself, became overly anxious, angry, annoyed, and irritated.  And all the time I sat there at those red lights I asked myself, "Why me?"

Remember the Volkswagen van we had a few years ago.  One vacation we took it to Washington to visit Grandma and Grandpa.  It wasn't a very good trip.  It was raining almost all the way, it was cold, and there was no heater to speak of.  Then it got worse.  The clutch began slipping.  Before long it was apparent that it was going out.  Normally, we would have taken the quickest route, over Snowqualmie Pass.  But I knew the clutch would never hold out going over that high mountain pass, so we went along the Columbia River to Portland and then up to Buckley.  By the time we got there it was very apparent that we would have to put in a new clutch before going back to Utah.  That would use up most of our vacation money.  Why was this happening to us?

I think we tend to have a limited perspective when things like this happen.  From our viewpoint it usually appears to be something bad happening to us.  Often it is not.  To illustrate remember what happened when we got to Grandpa's house.  He came out to meet us at the van and anxiously asked why it had taken us so long to get there.  He explained that he and Grandma had been very worried because there had been an avalanche on Snowqualmie Pass that had covered the road and closed the pass.  We found out that it had occurred at about the same time that we would have been there if we had gone that direction.  There is no way to know what would have happened to us if we had been there.  We may have been injured or killed or maybe only delayed.  But with this new view I didn't feel quite so bad about having a bad clutch.

      When this happened I began to contemplate some of the other bad things that have happened to me.  Maybe there was a good reason that I hit every red light in town.  Perhaps if I had a green light at every intersection I might have been involved in an accident or something else that was worse than waiting at a red light.  I suspect that Heavenly Father will some time show us what may have been without our adversity and we will feel different about that red light.  Not everything that appears bad to us is.  With a different perspective a red light, or a bad clutch, or a terminal illness may be a great blessing.

I am reminded of a story that I heard a long time ago.  It seems that a certain farmer was out in the field trying to plow.  A neighbor was watching and witnessed something very strange.  The farmer had his mule hooked up to the plow.  He took up the reins and hollered, "Giddy up," to get the mule to move.  Well, the mule just stood there, so the old farmer slapped him with the reins again and yelled, "Hyaw."  Again the mule didn't move.  This time the old farmer grabbed a club, went up to the mule and hit him in the head with the club.  Then he grabbed the reins, slapped the mule with them and hollered, "Giddy up."  The mule started pulling the plow and worked hard until the field was done.

Later that day the neighbor walked over to ask the farmer about what he had seen.  The old farmer explained that the mule was a real good one for pulling the plow but every once in awhile he needed a kick in the head to get his attention.  Once you had his attention he would work hard all day.  We are often very much like that mule, we need a kick in the head to get our attention.  It would be better if we would just listen to the whisperings of the Holy Ghost but often we are paying attention to something else and don't hear Him.  Let's hope that like the mule we know what to do once Heavenly Father gets our attention. 

So now what do we do?  Our family has been hit with some very heavy adversity.  There is a poem I enjoy, it goes like this,

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all of the difference.

-Robert Frost

The path that we now choose will make all the difference. 

When Mom and I were first married we had a real fancy little car, it was bright orange with big tires and chrome wheels.  Once in a while another driver would pull right out in front of me or do something else I didn't like.  I would always get mad and yell at him or do something else stupid.  It bothered Mom a lot.  Then one day a guy did something really dumb in front of me and I began to chase him.  I was really mad and I stayed right behind him no matter where he went.  Well, he pulled off the main road into a neighborhood, up a driveway, and into his garage.  Boy, did I feel stupid!  I had spent all that energy following him and he didn't even know that I was behind him.  He had simply driven home.  My anger and inappropriate response had done nothing but make me 15 minutes late getting where I was going.  I realized there must have been a better choice of action for me.

Often when something bad happens to us we look for someone to blame.  "That stupid traffic light!"  "That darn woman driver!"  "Nick started it!  No I didn't, Jenny did!"  "Why would Heavenly Father let such a terrible thing happen to us!"  We get angry and look to find someone to focus our anger at.  Then when we think we have the right one to blame we do something about what has happened to us.  Often what we choose to do is as inappropriate as me chasing another driver home.  It is often a waste of energy, keeps you from doing something good, and may even leave you in a worse situation than you were in before. 

Sometimes we blame Heavenly Father for all of our bad luck.  We ask ourselves questions like, "Why would Heavenly Father let such a terrible thing happen to us?" or "Why doesn't Heavenly Father heal me?" or "Heavenly Father must not love me."  I do not have a response for all of these situations, but I do know that they lead the wrong direction.  If we find ourselves blaming Heavenly Father we need to choose a different action.

All of these things lead us away from Heavenly Father.  If we continue on this course we will end up worse off than we started.  I am not the first person to have a terminal illness.  You are not the first family to have a father so ill.  If we didn't have this problem there would be something else.  And as hard as it may be to believe there are people that are far worse off than we are.  It is not the problems we have that determine our happiness but our response to those problems.  In the Doctrine & Covenants, section 121, verses 7 & 8 it says:

"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;

"And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes."

The key then is to endure this illness well.  In my mind that means not getting caught up in all the bad things that happen but doing the best you can with what you have.  Sister Thorn, my mission president's wife, put it another way.  She said, "Bloom where you are planted."  We could choose to be unhappy and miserable about this or we could choose to make the best of it, no matter what.

President Kimball said, "We knew before we were born that we were coming to the earth for bodies and experience and that we would have joys and sorrows, ease and pain, comforts and hardships, health and sickness, successes and disappointments.  We knew also that after a period of life we would die.  We accepted all these eventualities with a glad heart, eager to accept both the favorable and the unfavorable.  We eagerly accepted the chance to come earthward even though it might be for only a day or a year.  Perhaps we were not so much concerned whether we should die of disease, of accident, or of senility.  We were willing to take life as it came and as we might organize and control it, and this without murmur, complaint, or unreasonable demands.  We sometimes think we would like to know what was ahead, but sober thought brings us back to accepting life a day at a time, and magnifying and glorifying that day."  So now we know that adversity may be a blessing in disguise and that we should make the best of it instead of blaming Heavenly Father.  The other course tells us in part why these things happen.

The other course is summed up in the words of the Savior, "Come unto me."  Throughout the Book of Mormon the people put Heavenly Father last.  They had too many other things to do like the Utah Jazz basketball game and there's that great new movie we were going to on friday.  They had things to do like going roller skating with a friend or homework or getting our chores done.  None of these are bad, some are even necessary, but if we put them before Heavenly Father we are headed down the same road the Book of Mormon people took.  Often they would get caught up in life like we do and forget Heavenly Father.  They were just doing what all their friends were doing.  Pretty soon the things they should have done, like reading the scriptures or prayers or family home evening, were put off more and more.  Before long they found themselves living unrighteously and as always happens something bad followed. 

Now I do not want you to think that having adversity means we are wicked or something like that.  Bad things happen to good people, too.  All of us are imperfect and need a lot of improvement.  However, the process the Book of Mormon people followed to overcome their adversity is the same one we need to follow now.  There are 3 things we need to do in this process to overcome this adversity.

The first is to repent.  All of us have things we do both as individuals and as a family that we shouldn't.  It might be fighting with each other or criticizing one another or telling lies.  In fact there are probably a lot of things we should repent of.  Repentance is a continuous process, something we should do all of our lives.  Repentance means change, we change either what we are doing or how we are doing it.  If we are the same after our repentance we really haven't done it. 

Often we try to just stop what we are doing wrong.  This is a hard way to do it, we are left with an empty spot where our bad habit was.  A better way is to replace our bad habit with a good one.  If we have a candy bar every day and want to stop it is easier to replace that candy with an apple than to stop cold turkey.  In this way we turn a weakness into a strength. 

I want you each to know that I am trying to repent of my weaknesses.  After I found out about the disease I did a lot of soul searching.  There were a number of things that I felt a need to change and did.  I spent a lot of time in prayer asking Heavenly Father for forgiveness.  And even now there are things I am trying to overcome. 

The Savior has said,

  "Therefore I command you to repent‑‑repent, lest I smite you by the rod of my mouth, and by my wrath, and by my anger, and your sufferings be sore‑‑how sore you know not, how exquisite you know not, yea, how hard to bear you know not.                                                        "For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;            "But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;

  "Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit..."

(D&C 19:15 - 18)

Jesus has atoned for our sins, now it is up to us to take advantage of that great blessing by repenting.  Often our sins are the very thing that causes our afflictions.  If we break the Word of Wisdom by smoking we will become ill.  If we find fault with other people we will have few friends.  If we procrastinate doing our homework we may suffer poor grades.  If we have a problem bothering us we should look at our life and see what we need to change.  The ability to change and repent is the way that we become more like the Savior.  Repentance will do more to ease your afflictions and turn your adversity into a positive than everything else you might do.  Learn to make it a big part of your life.

Now that we have talked about repentance, what's next?  The answer to that is in the story of the VW van.  There was a reason Heavenly Father allowed the clutch to go out when it did.  He could have intervened so that we would not have had any car trouble on that trip, but He didn't.  There was a purpose for that adversity, it was to protect us from harm.  And I believe that that is true of most of our adversity, it has a purpose.  It may only be to motivate us to repent!  It may be to help us be humble.  It may be to protect us from harm like with the van.  It may be to show how much Heavenly Father loves us and the great blessings He is waiting to give us.  There may be many purposes attached to our hardships.  They may be obvious or it may be hard to understand why this is happening to us.  It is important to not get caught up in the negative and to look for the benefit that can be reached through this difficulty.  Always remember that Heavenly Father does not intend for us to go through this alone. 

He knows what we are going through and why these things are happening.  If we do not harden hearts and if we ask for His help and guidance the Lord will lead us through.  The Savior has been through many times more than we will ever have to endure.  He has already walked the road we are now on and been to the end of it.  He knows the best way to follow and what we need to learn or do with this experience.  In speaking to the prophet Joseph about the adversity he would go through Heavenly Father said,

....know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.  The Son of Man hath descended below them all.  Art thou greater than he?

(D&C 122:7‑8)

There are two important points in this scripture.  The first is that these things are for our good, they have a favorable purpose.  We just have to find it.  And the second point is that the Savior has experienced ever so much more.  As we go through this illness or other kinds of adversity that we will have we are following in His footsteps.  If we put our trust in Him when we are done with the experience we will be more like Him.

The final step will help us find that purpose, it is to follow the spirit.  On the wall in the hall hang two pictures of rattlesnakes.  They are there to remind us of a trip we took to Capitol Reef National Park.  Remember, we went on a long hike to a place high up on the top of some cliffs with a beautiful view.  On the way back it got quite hot and we were tired from walking all day.  About half way down there was a nice patch of shade near the trail.  We made a beeline for it hoping for a cool break.  As we neared the shade we heard an unmistakable sound that stopped us dead in our tracks.  A few feet in front of us was a large rattler.  His warning was not real loud, we wouldn't have heard it if we hadn't been paying attention.  And we never would have seen him without the warning.  Thank heavens we heard it, recognized it, and heeded it.

After moving down the trail far enough to be out of danger we stopped and talked about the experience.  We compared it to the Holy Ghost.  First, we heard the warning only as we got close.  The same is true of the spirit, you must do those things that move you closer to Heavenly Father.  They include repentance, keeping the commandments, studying the scriptures, and prayer.  Next we had to hear the warning.  Often we are so busy and involved with our everyday lives that we don't even try to listen.  We say our prayers quickly and go to sleep never finding out what our Father in Heaven might have to say.  Or even if He heard us. 

Then we had to recognize that what we were hearing was a rattlesnake.  It would have done us no good at all to hear it and decide it was a bird or an insect.  In a like manner we need to

have enough experience with the spirit that we know what it is when we hear it.  That will come as we search the scriptures, ponder them, and pray.  And finally, we need to follow the direction we receive.  Imagine what would have happened if we had not heeded that warning from the rattlesnake.  Even more important to us are the instructions we receive from Heavenly Father through the Holy Ghost.  Our eternal lives depend on how quick we are to follow the spirit.

I want you each to know that I am working very hard to put my life more in tune each day.  I am confident that Heavenly Father is watching over us and that great blessings will come to us through this adversity we now face.  I want you each to know that I love you very much and that Heavenly Father loves you and knows each of you.  I urge each of you to repent of anything that might be holding you back, work hard to avoid the negatives and find the purposes for you in these hardships.  And last of all learn to trust in the Lord by following the spirit through the process of study, pondering, and prayer.  I promise you great blessings as you do these things.  Love Dad

                                      "GOD DID NOT GIVE YOU THE SPIRIT OF FEAR"

As I consider what problems you might be facing because I have a terminal illness I realize that you may be terribly afraid of what might happen.  We all know very well what happens to people with Lou Gehrig's disease, they continually get a little bit worse until they die.  And we've already experienced quite a bit of the bad things that come with it.  It's not hard to imagine that there might be terrible things that will yet happen.  I am certain that you are afraid that I will have to suffer more bad things.  I suspect that you wonder what will happen to you if I die.  Who will take care of you or help you with your problems?  Maybe you even wonder if the same thing will happen to you.  I am sure there are other things that I am not aware of that have you worried. 

I could tell you that you don't need to be afraid or we could talk about what you are dreading and I could try to explain them away.  This might help for a little while but I think it would not last.  Even though we might fear the same thing we probably have different reasons for it.  Some things that concern you may not bother me at all.  Eventually everyone has to handle their own fears.  So I will share with you what I did and hope that each of you will find something here that will help.

As we talk about this put yourself in my position, what if you were going to die?  Imagine that you are in the doctor's office.  He has done a pretty thorough examination and suddenly becomes quite serious.  He says that he thinks you have a disease called ALS and that it is terminal.  He tells you a number of other things but you don't really hear him.  And now how do you feel?  Are you afraid to die?  I was!  I knew I had a few years yet but it felt like I would probably die tomorrow.  I was scared!

To help you to understand how I felt think about what it is like riding the roller coaster Colossus with it's double loop at Lagoon.  I went on it the first time with Grandpa Dale.  While we were slowly climbing up that first high hill he told me it wasn't as bad if you close your eyes.  So as we went over the top I closed my eyes.  Well, just a second or two later I decided I was just being chicken and opened my eyes.  Boy was that a mistake, we were moving straight down faster than I drive on the freeway.  I could see the track in front of us and I didn't want to go there.  I was sure that if we didn't die we would be sick for a week after this.  I closed my eyes!

A better example happened when I was a boy ten or eleven years old.  We would go sledding every winter at a place called Marble Creek.  It was a marvelous place for it, the road up the mountain had two hairpin turns near the bottom and then a long straight stretch.  There was always plenty of snow and no traffic.  We would tie our sleds to the back of a four wheel drive and ride up just past the second turn.  There we would start down being careful not to build up too much speed until we made it around the last curve.  Then we'd go as fast as possible on the straightaway ending up a mile or more down the road.  It was great fun!

Well, one time as I started down the hill two of my friends jumped on top of me.  We went a little ways and stopped because the sled would not steer with that much weight on it.  They got off and I headed down the hill.  As I neared the turn I found the steering on the sled would not work.  It must have broken when my friends jumped on.  Somehow I made it around the corner and onto the straightaway but now I was really moving fast.  Right at the bottom of the hill was an area where we parked the cars by the road and built a big fire.  Normally, we would zip right on by and see how far we could go.  In my predicament, however, I decided to stop here.  I began to drag my feet to slow me down which caused the sled to turn to the right.  Now I was headed directly for one of the cars.  I was sure my young life was about to end. 

That feeling I had then was very similar to how I felt when the doctor told me I was going to die.  The only difference was then the sled hit the front tire and I bounced away unharmed.  Unlike riding Colossus the threat from this illness is real and when we first found out about it I was very much afraid.  Every night became a huge struggle.  My muscles would twitch all over my body which made it very hard to relax.  I would frequently have severe cramps in a wide variety of muscles, in my legs and arms, in my ribs and shoulders, and even in my neck and head.  I was having cramps in places that you would not believe and they would leave me feeling achy all over and worn out.  But as bad as all this was there was something worse. 

In ALS the emotions are intensified, I would cry or laugh at the drop of a hat.  I would go into deep dark depressions for no apparent reason that would last for days.  At night as I tried to go to sleep the twitching and cramps would keep me from falling asleep.  As I lay there I would think about this illness and everything that might happen.  I would imagine myself not being able to walk or talk.  What it would be like having to use a respirator to breathe or other things like that.  I would wonder exactly how I would die in the end.  All of this would build on itself and fill me with fear.  Before long I began to believe that if I went to sleep I would die.  I was spending more time awake at night than asleep.  There were many nights that I did not sleep at all.  My life became dominated by fear.

In the dictionary the word fear is described as alarm; dread; anxiety; reverence towards God; to regard with dread or apprehension; to anticipate (as a disaster); to hold in awe; to be afraid; to be anxious.  Most of these definitions are negative.  Fear, then, is not something we want to have a lot of.  In the scriptures the phase "fear not" is used 67 times indicating that Heavenly Father does not want us to be afraid.  So where does fear come from then? 

Quite simply from Satan.  All of us have sinned and Satan uses that against us.  He whispers in our ear that we are not worthy and that because of that bad things will happen to us.  He tells us that because of our sins we should be afraid of Heavenly Father.  He tries to convince us not to pray.  And if we listen he tells us another lie, that our sins are so bad that we cannot repent.  Before long his whispers have become a shout and we are afraid to do anything.  Now he has us right where he wants us, afraid to do the things that will help us.  We are afraid to approach Heavenly Father in prayer, afraid to ask for a blessing.  We're afraid to seek the help of the Bishop or to go to the temple.  Most importantly we may be afraid to repent.  He has us stopped dead in our tracks. 

My mission president, President Thorn, told us of an experience he had on his first mission to South Africa.  He, his companion, and their mission president were out in the bush taking pictures of the wild African animals.  Off in the distance a rhino caught their attention and they began to set up their cameras for some great pictures.  Apparently they also caught the attention of the rhino and he charged them.  President Thorn and his mission president quickly climbed a tree to safety.  His companion, however, was frozen where he stood in fear with the rhino bearing down on him at full speed.  President Thorn says that he and his mission president offered a quick, very sincere prayer for the safety of their companion.  The rhino stopped just before he reached the missionary, stood there for a minute and then walked away.

This story illustrates very well how satan uses fear.  Once he has us standing still he brings in some of his other means hoping to knock us completely out of the struggle.  And fear is not the only tool he uses to immobilize us, he has a box full of them.  They include discouragement, depression, contention, anxiety, fault finding, and many other things similar to these.  Others may appear less harmful such as going fishing, hangin' around with friends, or just putting things off.  Obstacles may arise like flat tires or interrupting phone calls.  There may even be some good things we are involved in that keep us from doing the things that we should.  The key is to recognize where it leads.  Does it move us toward Christ or away from him?  Do not be fooled by things that appear to be all right for satan is the great counterfeiter.  As we learn to recognize the source we will have come a long way in overcoming fear.

Included in the definition of fear was the phrase "reverence towards God."  What if the feeling you are having is from Heavenly Father?  How can you tell?  Well, we've already learned that Heavenly Father does not want us to be afraid so the feeling will be different.  There would not be any dread or apprehension, but rather a feeling of comfort.  His intentions are not to scare us, they are to help us return to Him.  Promptings from Heavenly Father may include information that is hard for us to hear, predictably a call to repent will come with it.  Again the key is "where does it lead."  Even a firm call to repent would lead to the Savior and be attended by the Spirit. 

In Doctrine & Covenants 38:30 it says, "if ye are prepared ye shall not fear."  We can prepare for adversity by doing our best to keep the commandments.  When it comes remember why it might be here, to help us to do something or to get us to repent.  So do the repentance and find the purpose and "fear not."  As you do so consider these two scriptures:

"fear not, little children, for you are mine, and I have overcome the world...."D&C 50:41

"Wo be unto them that shall pervert the ways of the Lord after this manner, for they shall perish except they repent.  Behold, I speak with boldness, having authority from God; and I fear not what man can do; for perfect love casteth out all fear."          Moroni 8:16

I particularly like the last one, "for perfect love casteth out all fear."  It shows very clearly that fear cannot come from Heavenly Father for His love for you is perfect. 

Now that we have discussed fear fairly well how do we get rid of it?  Again each of you will have to handle this in your own way but here is what I did.  Remember I said that I was almost constantly in fear.  I hated being alone with my thoughts because I would think of more terrible things that might happen and the fear would get worse.  Music has always been a big part of my life and at this point I would always have a tape or a cd playing.  One day I was listening to a church music tape and a song came on that I had not heard before.  The name of it was "God Did Not Give You the Spirit of Fear", {written or sung by ?}.  It caught my attention and when it was over I rewound the tape and played it over.  Before the day was done I had listened to the song more than a dozen times.  Over the next few days I listened to it again and again.  The phase "God did not give you the spirit of fear" was constantly in my mind.

I began to ask myself, "If it didn't come from God then where?"  and "Why did I have so much of it?"  Finally I recognized that it came from satan.  Now I wondered, "How do I handle this?"  I pondered what would the Savior do and remembered a scripture, Doctrine & Covenants 20:22.  It says, "He suffered temptations but gave no heed unto them."  That means that Jesus paid no attention to it.  I determined that I would do the same, when the fear came I would just ignore it.  Well, it wasn't quite that easy.  The fear would come and I would try to ignore it but I didn't know how.  For awhile the fear got stronger.  Then I began to talk to myself when the fear would come.  I would tell myself, "What I am feeling right now is fear.  It comes from satan and it is not real.  And I don't have to listen to it."  Every time the fear would come I would repeat this.  Just reminding myself of these things took a great deal of the intensity from the fear.

 It did not get rid of it though, there was more that I had to do.  I began to notice that when I was busy doing something I wasn't bothered nearly so much by it.  So I began to find something to do every time I felt the fear building up.  At first it was simple things like computer games.  I got to be pretty good at one called "Beast."  It wasn't long before I realized that the harder I worked at something the less I felt afraid.  I began to occupy my time with more important things like reading the scriptures, writing letters, and going back to college.  One night I got involved in an assignment for a computer programing class and worked on it all through the night.  The more I involved myself in doing something constructive the better I did.

Another thing I did was to ask myself what I was afraid of.  It was that I would die.  As I thought about it I realized that even if I did die it probably wouldn't happen soon.  Just knowing that one fact, I will not die today, made it easier to handle everything.  Now I was doing a lot better.  Understanding your fear makes it a lot easier to handle.  A very big part of it is the "not knowing" what might happen.  Before we knew what was wrong with me the illness was much harder to handle.  We knew that something was wrong but we had no idea what.  We imagined all sorts of things, all bad.  In our minds we lived through a hundred nightmares.  When we finally found out what it was we were relieved even though it was awfully bad.  We now knew what we were facing and a lot of our needless worries fell away.

Finally, the most important step I learned in prayer.  It was the time I talked about earlier when I received this answer, "Duane, you are one of my sons and I love you.  I have everything in control and all will be ok."  The last step then is to trust in the Lord.  He did not give me this answer over and over but only once.  I had to remind myself of this myself.  Again and again when the fear came I would remember that Heavenly Father had told me, "all will be ok."  I did not have to be afraid.  I had been given an assurance that I could rely on the Savior and that He would see me through this hard time.  He is always there for you and He knows exactly what you need.  Our obligation is to believe what He tells us and to act accordingly. 

There is one more thing I need to mention, the fear did not just vanish as I did these things, it took time.  Right at first I was not real good at doing them.  I had to practice a lot.  And satan does not just give up, he will try harder for awhile.  But I was determined to do these things as long as it took.  After about a month & a half of consistent effort the fear lessened and I was not bothered by it anymore.  Once in awhile something will happen and I will feel it for a moment.  But now I know how to handle it and it does not stay. 

I am sure there are other ways to handle this but please remember two things.  First is "where does it lead?"  If it is not toward Christ it is wrong no matter what it is.  If it leads you away it comes from satan and should be avoided.  This is true of all things whether it be fear or discouragement, music or movies, sports, a job, or even friends.  The second is to trust Heavenly Father.  There is a way to overcome any obstacle and He will help you through it if you will let Him.

I hope that you find something here to help you.  Please know that I love you.  I urge you to do the things we have talked about, study these things through and pray about them.  Repent and seek the purpose in all this by following the Spirit.  Learn to recognize the source of all things in your life and trust in the Lord to help you through.  Therein you will find peace.  I promise.  Dad

                                           "THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE"

We live in a world in which the idea of being free is all important.  When I was growing up the catchphrase for the world was "free love."  It became acceptable to participate in pre-marital sex and now it is the norm.  Living together has become an alternative to the so called restrictions of marriage.  Along with this sexual freedom comes the right to be free to wear whatever we want.  But it is more important to be in style than to be modest and much of present day style is based on attracting attention to ourselves.  Anything is all right as long as it is different and it is our choice. 

An abundance of other freedoms have also become available.  We are free to listen to or produce any kind of music that we want.  Anything imaginable is available to us in the books that we read and the movies that we watch.  We are free to express ourselves in any way we desire whether it be in language, literature, music, dance, or even sports.  Our entertainment, our games, our studies, our means of making a living, and even our relationships with people are subject only to our freedom to choose.  Nothing is off limits, in fact there are no limits.

A word that the world uses along with freedom is rights.  We are obsessed with what we feel are "our rights."  We have animal rights, minority rights, women's rights, children's rights, and human rights.  The list includes smoker's rights, non-smoker's rights, gay rights, abortion rights, and an almost numberless multitude of others.  On top of these we continue to create more  rights everyday in our legislatures.  We have more freedom and rights than the world has ever known!  But are we free?

Consider the state of the world.  We are free to travel anywhere in the world that we may want.  Just don't go to Bosnia because there's a war going on there.  And be real careful in Israel or Paris, they have a lot of terrorist activity.  Oh well, at least we are safe in the USA if you avoid the gang areas.  But even in Provo we have gangs, drugs, and many other things that are best avoided.  Apparently we are free to go anywhere we want but we are not safe in doing so.

Consider the clothes that we wear, we have an almost unlimited choice.  There are only two requirements we have to meet.  First, they must be in style.  That usually means everyone has or wants one.  If it doesn't please the crowd it's not worth having.  And what we have must be better than what everyone else has, which means that we have to have new ones every year.  Look at the gym shoes we wear, they must be high tops.  One year they must be white and the next year they must be black.  They must have lights in the heal or an air pump or a special kind of sole.  That brings us to the second requirement, we have to pay for them.  There is a strange standard that says the more we pay for something the better we are as a person.  It is not uncommon for shoes to cost more than $100.00.  There are jeans available that the main reason they are popular is because they are expensive and if you own a pair you must be all right.  Again we can wear whatever we want if we have the money.

The same is true of all our possessions.  We have to have a new car every other year or so.  And as soon as we get a little more equity in our house we move to a bigger one.  We pay a couple thousand dollars for the latest computer and hundreds on software only to replace it or upgrade it when the next new version comes out.  Our TV entertainment has moved from four or five channels with an antenna to thirty or forty with cable to hundreds with a satellite dish. 

Activities are limited only by time and money.  There are new movies out every week, bigger and better computer games, new music cd's that we must have or a concert to go to.  Sporting events include football games from August through January, basketball from October through June, and baseball from March through September.  We can go mountain biking, roller blading, bungee jumping, or hang gliding.  And the list goes on and on.  If we have the money we can do anything or have anything we want.

But what if we don't have the money?  No problem!  We can rent it or lease it or buy it on credit.  Everyone can have at least three or four credit cards and the more you borrow the higher they raise your limit.  We have more debt now as a people than we can even comprehend and the amount increases every single day. 

We, as a people, have an incredible amount of debt to pay on.  We are not safe outside our homes and sometimes not in them.  We have a huge drug problem from legal drugs such as alcohol or tobacco to the illegal drugs like marijuana and cocaine.  We are plagued with sexually transmitted diseases such as aids which the  world has no answer for.  We continue to use our freedom and exercise our rights in any manner we choose limited only by our imaginations.  We have the right to do something or we think that we should have that right so we do it more concerned with the doing than the result.

Herein lies the problem, we mistakenly believe that being able to do something makes us free.  It does not.  Being free is the result of our actions not the action itself.  For example consider school.  One student listens well and studies hard.  He makes sure that his homework is done well before he watches TV or hangs out with his friends.  He misses some things but his grades are mostly A's and B's.  Another student would rather not be so restricted so he looks for ways to have fun while at school.  He does his homework when he feels like it or when he has to or not at all.  If there is a good show on tv he watches it or if his friends are doing something he does it too.  He has a lot of fun and misses out on nothing.  His grades are C's and D's.

Our second student appears to have had much more freedom than the first but this is not true.  He may have done more while in school but now he is not free to continue his education in college.  When he finds a job he will be limited to the ones that require no education or skills.  He will probably have to settle for whatever job he can get rather than doing what he likes.  His income will be on the smaller end.  He will get by if he is careful but will not be able to afford the nicer things he may want.  He used his freedom for doing the things that he wanted and now he is not free.  His emphasis was on the action, being able to do something, and not on the result. 

When I was a freshman at BYU I had an english class that I did not enjoy.  We had to write a paper each week which were all due a week before the final test.  Rather than do them when they were assigned I put them off.  There was always a basketball game I could join in or a movie to see or maybe I would just hang around with my friends.  After all I was in college now and I was free to do whatever I wanted to.  Well, time passed and the due date was now only one week away and I still had six or seven papers to write.  Now I was not free.  I had to write those papers right then and there if I wanted to stay in school.  I had no choice.  I stayed up for four days and nights working on those papers with no sleep at all.  On the fifth day I finished the last paper, handed them in, and went to sleep for the rest of the day. 

I had focused on what I wanted to do rather than the result of those actions.  And while I enjoyed the activities the consequences of them was not pleasant.  I had put myself in a situation where my freedom was controlled by something other than myself.  I was left with the choice of dropping everything else, including sleep, to write the papers or flunking the class and not being able to continue on at BYU.  Both choices limited my freedom.  I chose the one that restricted it the least.

All freedom works this way.  If we only consider what we want to do and not the result we will eventually find ourselves restricted by the very things we did to exercise our freedom.  The hard part of this is the loss of freedom may not happen immediately and it may not even be apparent to us at the time.  We may only be able to see it after the passage of time.  However, if we focus on the outcome of our actions instead of the doing we will more than likely choose the behavior that will keep us free.

Many of the things that we judge to be restrictions of our freedom are really safeguards for it.  Some are obvious.  Don't put your hand in a fire.  It's illegal to walk on the freeway.  Don't play with guns.  Don't spit into the wind.  The outcome of these and other actions like them are easy to see and clearly negative.  Some we learn along the way.  Make sure there is plenty of gas in the car or you may be walking.  Pay the electric bill or they will shut it off.  Do your homework or get a bad grade.  It's best if we learn these by listening to others, but if we don't learn that way experience will teach us.  And he is a very patient teacher most of the time, he will go through each lesson as often as we ask for it.

However, sometimes we don't get a second chance with some restrictions.  These are the freedoms for which we need to listen to someone who knows what the outcome of them may be.  This might be a teacher, a friend, a leader, a brother or sister, or your mom and dad.  Heavenly Father should always be included in this group.  Be careful who you listen to though, for a person cannot lead where he has not been.  For instance, a person that doesn't know how to drive a car cannot teach someone else to.  Some of these safeguards are known as rules, directions, curfews, or standards.  Heavenly Father calls them commandments or the gospel.  The trick for you is to be wise enough to listen to them and follow their counsel.

Always remember that being free is the consequence of our actions not the doing itself.  If you want to have more freedom don't just do it, but rather do it the right way.  If you want to go over to a friends and you just go you may find yourself grounded for a week.  On the other hand, if you make sure your chores are done and then ask mom or dad, most of the time you will be able to go.  After doing it this way for a period of time the asking part may change to informing mom and dad.  In both cases the amount of freedom you had depended on the way you exercised that freedom.  When you just did it you lost freedom, when you did it the right way you gained more freedom.

Without exception it always works this way.  The person who chooses to use his sexual freedom with anyone he wants before marriage loses the opportunity to be married in the temple for eternity.  He loses the gift of the Holy Ghost who's guidance would have led him to the right person to marry.  And he may lose his life to the aids disease.  All of this because he chose to do something without thinking about the outcome first.  And the freedom he exercised may have been as innocent as a simple kiss.  This is true of all freedom whether it be driving a car or staying up late, going on a date or going to the mall, playing with friends or doing our chores.  Whatever it is knowing where it leads is the key to remaining free.

Someone once said, "If you don't know where you're going any road will get you there."  As we've talked about being free the key, we've learned, is knowing where our actions lead and only doing those things that lead to freedom.  But how do we know what those things are?  In John 8:32 the Saviour said, "If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed; And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free."  The truth then is what makes us free and we know the truth by living it.  Another way of saying this is being true makes us free.  Being true to our families, to ourselves, and to the Saviour leads to true freedom.  It is my hope that you will always do so.  Love Dad

                                                 TRUE TO THE SAVIOUR

Of these three being true to the Saviour is the most important, the other two are based upon this one.  We cannot be true to ourselves or to our families if we are not true to the Saviour.  To me this means having your own testimony of His gospel and living your life based upon that testimony.  Of all the things that I might help you learn this is the most important.  Your whole life will depend upon how well you do this, gaining your own testimony and living according to what you know to be true.  All of your success, happiness, and ultimately freedom in life will come to you because of how hard you work at this. 

The first part then of being true to the Saviour is gaining your own testimony.  A testimony is knowledge that you receive from Heavenly Father through the Holy Ghost.  In the Doctrine & Covenants 6:22‑23 it says,

"Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.

"Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter?  What greater witness can you have than from God?"

It comes in answer to prayer as a witness to you from God.  A testimony should include all of the following things.

The first truths are the same that Joseph Smith learned when he went into the grove to pray.  He said, "When the light rested upon me I saw two Personages, whose brightness and glory defy all description, standing above me in the air.  One of them spake unto me, calling me by name and said, pointing to the other‑‑This is My Beloved Son.  Hear Him!" (J Smith‑History 1:17)  He learned that God lives, that Jesus is His Son, and that they are separate and distinct individuals each with a body of flesh and bones.  Joseph learned that Jesus is the Christ, that He brought about the resurrection of all people, and that He atoned for the sins of everyone so that we might repent.  He observed that we truly were created after the image of God.  And he was taught that Heavenly Father has a plan for us.

The next truths that we need to know is that the Saviour restored the gospel through the prophet Joseph Smith.  This includes knowing that Joseph was a prophet, that the priesthood or authority to act for God was restored to earth through him.  That the church that was organized by the prophet Joseph is the only true church upon the earth.  That the gospel as taught in the Bible, the Doctrine & Covenants, the Pearl of Great Price, and the Book of Mormon is Heavenly Father's plan for us.  The key to all of this is the Book of Mormon, if it is true then Joseph Smith is a true prophet for he translated it.  And if he is a prophet of God then the other things that he brought to pass are also true.

And finally we need to know that the Saviour's church is still here today.  That He stands at the head of that church and leads it through a living prophet and apostles just as in the original church.  That the prophet and apostles receive revelation and inspiration to direct the church and to guide us in life.  That we may, through obedience to the principles and ordinances of the gospel, find happiness in this life and return to live with Him in the life to come.  These truths make up a basic testimony, a good beginning upon which to build.

We gain this testimony in the same way that Joseph learned the truth.  He studied the scriptures, discussed the gospel with his family, and spent a lot of time deep in thought about these things.  Then he went into the woods alone to pray.  This is the process we spoke of earlier.  Read it, study it, ponder over it in your heart.  Then ask Heavenly Father if it is true.  Have faith that He will answer your prayers and be determined to follow that answer.  Then by the Spirit He will answer.  Just as Joseph received an answer you will too.  This is one of the beautiful strengths of the gospel, we may learn for ourselves the truth of all things.  We do not have to take someone else's word for it.  In fact to remain truly free we must know for ourselves.

I was raised in a very good Mormon home.  I attended all of my meetings, even seminary at six in the morning.  I memorized the thirteen Articles of Faith.  I became a deacon, then a teacher, and a priest.  I also bore my testimony.  My mom and dad had testimonies and I believed them.  I believed the church was true but I didn't know for sure.  I wasn't very motivated to be an active member.

After I finished high school I decided to go to BYU.  I reasoned with myself that it would be the perfect place to be inactive.  Everyone at home would not worry about me because I would be at BYU, the best place I could possibly be away from home.  And because BYU was so big I could get lost in the crowd, no one would bother me.  As it turned out it really was the best place for me to be.  For a while my plan worked pretty well, I could skip my meetings and no one seemed to notice.  I made friends that were just like me, not interested in church.  We would spend hours just talking, we became very close friends.

At BYU everyone is required to take a religion class each semester.  I enrolled in a Book of Mormon class taught by a Brother Perry.  It was a small class, only about twenty people, so we got to know each other quite well.  Brother Perry taught in such a manner that we had to read the Book of Mormon in order to pass.  So I began to seriously read it for the first time in my life on my own.  In the meantime the bishop in my ward, Bishop Armstrong, began an effort to get everyone to attend our meetings.  He would come to the dorm every Sunday morning early enough to knock on everyone's door, wake us all up, and ask each of us if we would be to priesthood meeting in an hour.  This worked very well on me for about a month and then I figured out a way around it.  My room was at the far end of the hall so when I heard the bishop begin knocking at the other end I would get up and head to the showers which were in the middle of the hall.  I would wave to the bishop so he knew I was awake then go into the shower and stay there till he left.  When he was gone I would return to my room and go back to sleep.

This worked till the bishop began bringing doughnuts and chocolate milk to priesthood meetings.  Then I gave in and went to my meetings.  Now I was attending my meetings and reading the Book of Mormon regularly.  At the same time my discussions with my friends began to center more and more on the gospel.  We talked very openly about our feelings about the different principles.  And when we didn't understand something we would ask one of the returned missionaries that lived in our hall to explain it for us.  Before long I began to feel a desire to know for myself if the church was true or not.  I decided that if it was true I should live my life based upon what the church taught and if it wasn't then I wouldn't worry about it anymore.  Brother Perry, in my Book of Mormon class, taught us the process to find out that we have talked about as given in Moroni 10:3-5.  I began to pray very sincerely everyday about the gospel, the Book of Mormon, and what my part in it should be.

Now I cannot say that anything spectacular happened.  I did not see an angel or hear a voice or anything like that.  But I did receive a quiet assurance from Heavenly Father that the Book of Mormon is true, that Joseph Smith was a prophet, and that the church is true.  I knew that this was how I wanted to live my life.  I put my life in order and prepared to go on a mission.  I want you to know how grateful I am to my friends at BYU that year, to Bishop Armstrong and Brother Perry, they all helped me gain my testimony.  There is only one thing that would have made that year at BYU better.  That is if I had already made the effort to gain a testimony.  There were things that I missed out on because I was not active.  I almost gave up the freedom to go on a mission.  Think of the wonderful blessings, friendships, and experiences I would have lost by not gaining a testimony of my own when I did.  With all my heart I urge you to make the effort now if you haven't already.  Joseph Smith was only fourteen when he gained his testimony.  Do not wait till you leave home, as I did, to find the truth.  I was fortunate you may not be.

This brings us to why?  Why gain a testimony and why now while you are young?  The best answer I know of comes from the following scripture,

"And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

Helaman 5:12

You are growing up at a time when there are innumerable ways for you to fall and lose your freedom.  My patriarchal blessing says, "You will live in a day in which evil is everywhere."  That certainly describes how the world is now.  The "mighty storm" of the devil's is here now to "beat upon you."  If you would not lose your freedom then you must build your life on the only "sure foundation", Jesus Christ.  Having your own testimony of the Saviour and his gospel is that foundation to build your life on.  It will provide you the destinations for your life, a mission, temple marriage, the celestial kingdom.  It also provides the standards that will keep you free and take you to those destinations.  With these objectives in mind you will choose friends and activities that help you remain free and be true to the Saviour.

This brings us to the second part of being true to the Saviour, living according to what you know to be true.  To do this well everything in your life should depend upon this one standard, does it fit in with what you know to be true or not.  I knew a man on my mission who when he gained a testimony decided that his job would make it hard for him to live the gospel.  He quit immediately even though he had a family to support and no other job to go to.  This was a hard thing for him to do but when he found a new job it was one that helped him live according to what he knew to be true.     We can judge all things in our life by this standard.  Does the music you listen to help you live the gospel or does it have a message that leads away from the truth?  Are the movies you go to uplifting or do they contain material that you should not see?  Do your friends help you live the standards of the church or do they encourage you to do things that you know are wrong?  You cannot remain free by doing things that lead away from the truth no matter how fun or enjoyable or appealing or innocent they might appear to be.  Anything or anyone that does not help you live in agreement with what you know to be true will take your freedom away.  I cannot tell you how to handle these situations, you will have to find your own way.  Just remember where you are trying to go and you will make the right decision.  

We now know where we are going and there is only one road that leads there.  There are a few things that I would like to share with you that will help you find that road and live true to the Saviour.  The first is repentance.  In one of his talks John Turpin made the following statement, "The truth will make you free but it will first make you miserable."  As we learn new truth we predictably find that our lives are not fully in tune with that truth.  Anytime we live contrary to what we know to be true we will be unhappy, that's why the truth will first make us miserable.       Repentance is the process whereby the truth makes us free.  In Ether 12:27 it says,

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

The ability to change and overcome our weaknesses and sins is perhaps the greatest blessing of the gospel.  It comes to us through the atonement of the Saviour.  When we realize that our lives are not in order, whether it be a sin or a weakness, we begin the work of repentance.  We feel remorse for having done something wrong.  Then if we humble ourselves, which means to adjust our  attitudes so we are teachable, the Saviour will help us overcome whatever is wrong in our lives. 

He does this in two ways.  First he teaches us what to do to overcome our problem.  If we listen to and follow this guidance we develop the strength to live as we should.  Some things we will only be able to overcome though through the blessings we receive from Jesus.  The ability or strength or whatever it takes is not in us, we have to ask in prayer for that specific blessing.  Remember that Jesus has overcome all things.  He knows the way and has the strength.  By ourselves we are limited but with the Saviour we may also overcome all things.

The second is best expressed in the following scripture.

"For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent;

"But if they would not repent they must suffer even as I;

"Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit‑‑and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink‑‑

"Nevertheless, glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my preparations unto the children of men."

D&C 19:16‑19

Jesus has paid for our sins through the atonement.  Now it is up to us to use that atonement by repenting.  There is nothing as senseless as unrepented sins.  They limit our freedom both in this life and the next.  We cannot hide them for all things will be brought to light on judgement day.  And most important of all the price has already been paid.  We would never pay double for anything we buy but we are often willing to do so for our sins.  By not repenting we deny the atonement and pay a price that is not required.

The more that I study the gospel the more I realize that repentance should be a part of our daily lives.  This process is so important that in D&C 6:9 Heavenly Father tells us, "Say nothing but repentance unto this generation..."  Learn well to use this principle in your lives to remain true to the Saviour.  Therein you will find great power to preserve your freedom.

The next aid in remaining true to the Saviour is the scriptures and more particularly the Book of Mormon.  There is very much that could be said about them but for our purposes I only want to briefly consider the scriptures about the "rod of iron."  In 1 Nephi chapter 8 Lehi tells us, "And I beheld a rod of iron, and it extended along the bank of the river, and led to the tree by which I stood.  And I also beheld a strait and narrow path, which came along by the rod of iron..."(1 Nephi 8:19‑20)  And in the same chapter Nephi tells us, "behold, he saw other multitudes pressing forward; and they came and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press their way forward, continually holding fast to the rod of iron, until they came forth and fell down and partook of the fruit of the tree."(1 Nephi 8:30)

Later Nephi taught his brothers what was meant by the "rod of iron."

"And they said unto me: What meaneth the rod of iron which our father saw, that led to the tree?

"And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction.

"Wherefore, I, Nephi, did exhort them to give heed unto the word of the Lord; yea, I did exhort them with all the energies of my soul, and with all the faculty which I possessed, that they would give heed to the word of God and remember to keep his commandments always in all things."

1 Nephi 15:23‑25

These verses teach us that by holding fast to the word of God, the scriptures, we will `never perish.'  To me this means reading them prayerfully everyday and doing our best to live by them.  We have been promised great blessings as we do so.  We will learn the gospel and have the Holy Ghost with us to teach us truth.  If we live by that truth satan will not be able to destroy our freedom.

In Lehi's vision of the tree of life we are also told what happens to those who do not hold onto the rod of iron.

"And it came to pass that they did come forth, and commence in the path which led to the tree.

"And it came to pass that there arose a mist of darkness; yea, even an exceedingly great mist of darkness, insomuch that they who had commenced in the path did lose their way, that they wandered off and were lost."

1 Nephi 8:22‑23

These were members of the church, they were already on the path that leads to eternal life.  When the `mist of darkness' came they fell away.    The `mist of darkness' spoken of is the temptations of satan.  I think the choice of words used here is very descriptive.  A mist indicates such things as fog, clouds, haze, steam, vapor, drizzle, all things that make it difficult to see our way.  These are the things of the world that cloud our judgement.  They may be the music that everyone likes right now, or a popular TV show.  It might be peer pressure to go along with the group in activities that are improper.  It may be ideas or practices that are contrary to gospel standards.  They will probably appear to be innocent at first glance.  Their purpose is to get us to let go of the `iron rod' even for just a moment.  And those who do let go will be `lost.'

I believe that the time will soon come when those who are not reading the scriptures everyday will be overwhelmed by those `exceedingly great mist of darkness' and lose their freedom.  The next verse tells us how to remain safe.

"And it came to pass that I beheld others pressing forward, and they came forth and caught hold of the end of the rod of iron; and they did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron, even until they did come forth and partake of the fruit of the tree."

1 Nephi 8:24

Again the choice of words used here is very appropriate.  `They did press forward through the mist of darkness, clinging to the rod of iron.'  This was hard work, they made every effort to hold onto the iron rod.  By doing so they reached their goal and remained free.  I hope that each of you will learn to cling to the word of God, especially the Book of Mormon.

Next in remaining true to the Saviour is putting our trust in Him.  He has overcome all things, He knows the way and is anxious to help us get there.  In Matthew 6:33 it says, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."  The way to gain more freedom is to put the Saviour first in our lives.  This means that all others must come second whether it be family, friends, or even a husband or wife.  Heavenly Father has promised that if we make the gospel the most important part of our lives everything else that we might need or want will come to us.  This means that if we have to choose between being true to the Saviour or disappointing a friend the Saviour must come first.  While at the time this might seem like a sacrifice to you it will become a blessing.

Besides putting the Saviour first we must learn to rely on Him for direction in our lives.  He has said, "O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart." (3 Nephi 10:6)  He is only waiting for us to approach Him and the guidance will come.  This applies to everything in our lives.  If we are not sure what the right thing to do is we can go to Him in prayer and through the Holy Ghost receive the inspiration and direction we stand in need of.  As we follow this guidance we become more like Jesus and in part receive the freedom that He offers us.

And finally we can be true to the Saviour by being grateful.  As I look back on my life I realize that everything that I have accomplished that has had any value has come about through the blessings of Heavenly Father.  On my own I fear I would have fallen way short.  Even these letters to you children I cannot take credit for.  I only write about what I feel prompted by the Spirit to do.  Often the very words I should write come into my mind as if someone were whispering to me.

So much of what we claim as our abilities are not ours but Heavenly Father's shared with us for awhile.  Not long ago I could shoot a basketball as well or better than most of my friends.  Now I cannot bounce a ball let alone shoot one.  Always remember that your talents and abilities come as a blessing and not from our own doing.  We can and should magnify them but never forget where they come from.  They can be gone in an instant.  Doctrine & Covenants 59:21 says, "And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments."

I want you children to know that I have a strong testimony.  I know that Heavenly Father lives and loves us.  He knows each of you and everything about you.  He wants to help you in all you do if you will only let Him.  I know that Jesus is the Christ, that He lived His life and gave His life for us.  I know that He made that sacrifice so that we can repent.  I have felt the power of His atonement in my life.  I know without a doubt that the church is true, that it led by a living prophet.  I bear witness that the gospel is true, it is that path that leads to true freedom.  I am doing my best to live true to it and it is my greatest hope that each of you will too.  Dad

                                                 TRUE TO THE FAMILY

The next defense in remaining free is the family.  Remember, I said that being true to the family is based upon being true to the Saviour.  This means that living true to the gospel comes first.  This will not be a problem if the family is centered on Christ.  When you have your own families make the gospel the most important part of it and you will have peace and safety in your families.

Your mother and I are doing our best to base our family on the gospel.  Perhaps the most important day in our family was May 6th, 1976.  On that day your mother and I knelt across an altar from each other in the Salt Lake temple and were sealed for time and all eternity.  We made covenants to live true to each other forever and have done so to this date.  Our temple marriage is one of our greatest treasures.  It means that those of you children who were born into our family, Melissa, Nick, Micah, and Kelly, are sealed to us and will be a part of our family forever.  When we adopted the rest of you, Tessa, Matt, and Jenny, we wanted you to also be a part of our family forever.  So at another altar, this time in the Provo temple, we knelt together and you were sealed to us.  These covenants bring great strength to our family and especially now that I am terminally ill.  They mean that death cannot separate us if we are faithful.  And even if I die from this illness I am certain that Heavenly Father will allow me to be with you should you need my help.

President David O. McKay said, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home."  I've always looked upon this statement from the standpoint of a parent but now I realize that it applies to you as children also.  This implies that your greatest responsibilities as children are to the family.  This is supported by a statement made by President Ezra Taft Benson.  Speaking to the youth he said, "the family unit is forever, and you should do everything in your power to strengthen that unit."  All others, friends, activities, school, work, or whatever should come second.  Continuing on President Benson said, "Your most important friendships should be with your own brothers and sisters and with your father and mother.  Love your family.  Be loyal to them.  Have a genuine concern for your brothers and sisters."  This indicates that until you get married these are the most important relationships that you can have.  To be true to the family you should work harder at strengthening the family than anything else.

I want to tell you about one of my best childhood friends.  He  and I did everything together.  When we were little we both had Tonka trucks and played for hours with them in the dirt.  Or we would climb into the treehouse and pretend we were pilots in a war.  He flew a jet fighter and I flew a B52 bomber.  As we grew older we played on the same baseball team.  He was the only one on the team that could hit the ball as hard as I could.  When we became teenagers we both worked at the same place, first on a flower bulb farm and then in a grocery store.  After school we would play one on one basketball, a game was to 100 points.  The score was always close but I can't remember ever beating him.  On the weekend if we weren't working we would load up on goodies at the store and then head to the movies.  There are countless other things that we did together.  I have had many other very good friends but none better than my brother, Uncle Jerry.  Even today I count him as one of my best friends and we still find things to do together every once in awhile.  I would hope that each of you will find that same kind of friendship with your brothers and sisters.  It will be a great source of strength and support for you throughout your lives.

Now I want to talk about our family.  We are different in some ways from a lot of families but I suspect that a lot of our problems are common to most families.  Above all I want you each to know that Mom and I love you very much.  That will never change, even if you choose to use your freedom in ways that we cannot approve of.  And that will happen from time to time.  I think it's just a part of growing up, you will want to test the boundaries.  Believe it or not these boundaries or standards or rules are for your benefit.  They are a part of our family to help you maintain your freedom and stay safe.

Every once in awhile one of you will break a rule and get in trouble.  It happens in all families, Laman and Lemuel broke a rule by beating up Nephi.  They got in trouble from an angel.  I wish that would happen when you break the rules instead of Mom and I having to do it.  It's hard to always know what's fair and who did what.  Even being scolded though is done to help you remain free.  You might find yourself upset or angry at being punished.  There is a better response.  There are two scriptures that will help us understand. 

The first is Proverbs 3:11‑12.

"My son, despise not the chastening of the LORD; neither be weary of his correction:

"For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth."

There are two points brought up here.  First chastening is done to correct inappropriate behavior not to be mean to you.  And second you are counselled to not despise chastening or to be weary of it.  The better response is to listen and learn.  Getting mad about it will only keep you from doing the right thing.  Like adversity chastening has a positive purpose, find it, make whatever changes you need to, and move on.  Don't waste your energy on anger that will not help you remain free.

The other scripture is Doctrine & Covenants 95:1.

"Verily, thus saith the Lord unto you whom I love, and whom I love I also chasten that their sins may be forgiven, for with the chastisement I prepare a way for their deliverance in all things out of temptation, and I have loved you‑‑"

Again there are two important points here.  The first is expressed in this phrase, "for with the chastisement I prepare a way for their deliverance in all things out of temptation."  Chastening is done for your "deliverance in all things", to keep you free.  The other point is repeated three times in this verse.  It is an indication that you are loved.  We do it because we love you.  If we didn't it wouldn't matter to us whether you remain free or not.  We would let you do whatever you wanted without bothering to correct you.

Now I know that these scriptures are referring to the chastening of the Lord and not getting in trouble with mom or dad.  However, the same things are true about getting in trouble with mom or dad.  And we are not perfect, we will make mistakes or get angry when we shouldn't.  Please try to be patient with us as we are trying to be with you.  And finally, know that we do this because we love you and helping you remain free is important to us.

Near the end of my mission President Thorn taught me something.  He said, "to be trusted is greater than to be loved."  This is true in all situations but especially in the family.  All of you are loved because you are a part of our family.  That will never change, you will always have a place in our hearts.  But trust is earned by how we use our freedom.  It can increase and it can be lost.  The more that we use our freedom as we should the greater trust we earn.  And this has a direct affect on your freedom in the family.  Each of you will be given as much freedom as you show you can be trusted with.  As you live true to the family rules you demonstrate that you can handle more responsibility and more freedom.  If you continue living true to the family the time will come when you are trusted in all things. 

To understand trust think of a cookie jar full of chocolate chip cookies.  Trust is Mom knowing that you will not sneak one when she is not in the room.  As you live true to this rule you earn greater trust.  Now Mom knows that you will not take more than one cookie a day when she is not there.  As you continue living true to this trust the time will come when Mom trusts you completely with the cookie jar.  She knows that you will take only what is appropriate in her absence.  You may have noticed that all of these situations have something in common, Mom was not there.  Trust or the lack of it depends on how you use your freedom when you are on your own.

There is one great guardian of trust.  It is honesty.  You may feel that you can hide things from mom and dad.  And for awhile this may be true but eventually someone or something will uncover the lie.  Then the trust people have in you will lessen.  It is far better to break a rule and be honest about it than to cover it up.  When you are honest we know that you are trying and our trust in you will actually increase.  Now we can help you learn to live by the rule you had a problem with.  Always remember if you cannot be honest about what you are doing you shouldn't do it.  It will eventually destroy trust and limit your freedom.

I would like you to understand what your mother and I are trying to accomplish in our family.  First of all, we want to help you succeed in life.  We hope that you will do well in school, that you will have good friends, and be able to go on to college if you want to.  We hope that you will find good people to marry and that you will find good jobs that you will enjoy.  Some of the rules in our family are there to help you do these things.  Rules like being home by nine on school nights or doing your homework before other activities.

More important than helping you succeed in life we want to help you to be happy.  Straight A's in school and college, great success in business, outstanding accomplishments in sports, excellence in art or music, or all the money in the world will be of little value to you if you are not happy.  Happiness does not come from having a lot of possessions or doing everything we want.  These may bring pleasure but this is not happiness.  Happiness comes from being at peace with yourself.  And the only way to do that is to live true to what you know to be true.  So in our family we have standards to help you do that.  Standards like no dating till the age of sixteen or reading the Book of Mormon everyday.

Finally, the most important to Mom and I is helping each of you gain eternal life.  To do this our family is based upon the principles and ordinances of the gospel.  Living true to the gospel is the most important thing you can do to be true to the family.  If you do so you'll find the family rules and standards easy to follow.  Matthew 16:24‑26 talks about this.

"Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

"For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?  or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?"

At times it may seem like you have no control of your life and that there are just too many rules or that the rules don't make sense to you.  When that happens remember this scripture tells us that to save our freedom we might have to deny ourselves and the things we want.  In the long run living true to the family rules and standards will help you be successful, happy, and return to live with Heavenly Father.  They are here to help you gain more freedom not to take it away.

Now that you know the main goals of our family you might be thinking, "I can do most of those things on my own.  Why do I need a family?  I know what's best for me!"  You are partially correct.  No-one knows you like you know yourself, not even Mom or I.  You have the right and the responsibility to decide what course your life will take.  No-one has a greater stewardship for your life than you do.  Whether or not you reach those goals depends ultimately upon you.  There are, however, things to help you along the way.  For instance, you have the right to receive revelation and inspiration for yourself.  There will be decisions that only you can make like "should I marry this person or not?"  Mom and I can help with these kind of decisions but we cannot and we will not make them for you.  Even Heavenly Father will not make these choices for you.  He will council you through the Holy Ghost and even confirm that you have made the right decision.  But He will not tell you what to do.

The family, like revelation and inspiration, is here to help you reach the goals we talked about.  One of the primary functions of the family is to provide structure and protection for you.  When you were all little it was obvious that you needed these.  Now that you are older more of the responsibility for these falls on you but not all.  There is an order in the routines and traditions of the family that will keep you on track toward those goals.  More than that the rules of the family and the way we do things will provide a framework for you to build your life on.  You may feel that life would be a lot better without chores, early morning scriptures, nine o'clock curfews on school nights, or all the other requirements of being a part of this family.  But getting rid of these does not produce more freedom but rather a hole that will cause you more problems and work than you had with them. 

When I was your age I felt invincible, that nothing could hurt me.  When I drove I would always take the right of ways that were mine.  I was an aggressive driver not a defensive one.  If someone started to turn in front of me when I had the right of way I would lay on the horn and speed up.  I was determined to make them stop or scare the daylights out of them.  Mostly though I just scared my mom and made my dad mad.  When he would reprimand me I would say, "Well, I was in the right."  To which he would reply, "Yeah, you were right and one of these days you'll be dead right."  I'm older and wiser now and I realize my father was just trying to protect me.  A funny thing has happened to me, the older I get the wiser my father becomes.  You see he had a better perspective than I did.  He could recognize dangers that I could not or would not see.  The same is true in our family.  There are dangers that you may not be aware of or will not acknowledge.  Even as old as you are there will be times when being part of the family will be a protection for you whether you like it or not.

Another important function of the family is to support you in all you do.  There is no one in the world that wants you to do well more than Mom and I.  When you are working hard to accomplish something we are anxious to help if we can and no one prays for you harder than we do.  There will be times when supporting you will mean that we don't allow you to do something you want to.  Other times we will let you fail when we could have prevented it.  Both are to help you grow and succeed.  There will be hard times you will face when the family will be a great comfort and strength to you.  Imagine what our life would be like without the help of grandma Gorrell or grandpa Dale and grandma Kris now that I am sick.  Always know that we are here to help you and that you may rely on us in times of need.  At the same time lend your support to your brothers and sisters so that we all may be stronger.

One of the great blessings of being a part of a family is having a mother and father.  I want you all to know how grateful I am to have the mother and father that I do.  I could not ask for better parents and I am trying hard to follow their example.  Throughout my life I've always known that they loved me.  In the same way your Mom and I love each of you.  You are very important to us and always will be.  We may not show it a lot or in ways that you understand but the feelings are there and they are strong.  If ever you have doubts please let us know so that we may reassure you.  You may feel confident that our love for you is eternal and much of what we do is motivated by that love.

Earlier I mentioned that the older I get the wiser my father becomes.  I said he had a better perspective than I did.  He was farther up the trail than I was.  Now I'm far enough up the trail that I can see a lot of what he did then.  I understand why he was concerned sometimes when I was not.  He had already been where I was and the same is true for Mom and I with you.  There are probably few experiences that you will have that we have not had one similar.  The details may be different but the basic experience will be the same.  What happens to you will be another way of the same things that happened to Mom and I before you and our parents before us.  That's why Heavenly Father puts us in families so there will be someone who knows the way to lead us.  Our experience can be a great blessing to you if you will let it.

Another reason Heavenly Father gives us parents is so that someone besides ourselves will have stewardship for us.  Someone who can make decisions for us and someone who is responsible for our safety and growth.  With this stewardship comes the right to receive inspiration and revelation for you.  This is not to replace your right to those blessings for yourself but to supplement you in it.  In this way Heavenly Father has another line of communication to us.  Some of this stewardship is for you as part of the family.  When Mom and I make decisions they will often be based on what is best for the whole family and not just one individual.  That may mean that something you want to do or have may not be appropriate for the whole family.  Please remember that Mom and I take this stewardship very seriously and we are working hard to do what Heavenly Father wants us to for our family.

Finally, please understand that families are the way Heavenly Father has appointed for us to grow up.  Just as we were created physically to be like Heavenly Father the family is patterned after Heavenly Father's family.  We are all a part of that family being literally His spirit children.  Together with a Heavenly Mother they taught us the way to be like them.  A part of that process is coming to this earth to gain a body and to be tested to see if we would live according to the truth or not.  In a very real way Heavenly Father is finding out if we can be trusted or not.  That is why we can't remember what it was like to be with Him for trust is measured by what we do when we are on our own.  To help us He has blessed us with a family to teach us the truth and help us learn to live true to it.  As we live true to the family we become more like our Father in Heaven.

So how can you be assured that our family is on the right path or not?  In the same way that you may know the truth of all things, apply the process that we have talked about.  Ponder what being a part of our family means to you.  Pray about our family and the things we are doing as a family.  Through the Holy Ghost you will find an assurance that our family is on the right path and that you should be a part of it.

As I think about our family I am brought back to the pre-existence.  I suspect that Heavenly Father called us all together in a family council and spoke with us about the things that we would experience in our family.  Because He has a perfect knowledge of all things He would have been able to foresee things like my illness, the adoption, the loss of Melissa, and grandpa Gorrell's death.  He knew then and understood the problems we would have because of these events.  I would imagine that He counselled with us about these obstacles and formulated a plan for us to overcome these problems.  We probably made promises to each other and to Heavenly Father, promises that we need to work at keeping now.  I am certain that His plan for our family included the gospel and testimonies for all of us, temple ordinances to bind our family together for eternity, and a promise that He would teach us that plan as we pray for guidance and follow the inspiration He sends us.

Knowing that it is part of Heavenly Father's plan that you be in our family will help you live true to the family.  A perfect example of this is the difference between Laman and Nephi.  Their father, Lehi, was directed by the Spirit to take his family and leave Jerusalem.  Nephi went to Heavenly Father in prayer and among other things learned that his father was being led by God.  He received an assurance that what his father wanted their family to do was right and that he should be a part of it.  As their family was asked to do hard things Nephi was able to support his father and live true to his family because he had a testimony of his family.  Laman, on the other hand, did not live true to his family.  He, along with Lemuel, became the source of many problems for their family.  We learn that they did not pray.  They relied upon their own wisdom and never gained a testimony of their family or their part in it.  When their father asked them to do hard things they murmured and rebelled.  Eventually, they lost their place in their family.

When I started my mission Harlan W. Clark was my mission president.  He was a wonderful man and everybody loved him.  A few months into my mission President Clark's mission ended and he was released.  A new mission president was called, a man by the name of Robert P. Thorn.  I was very bothered by this and wished that President Clark could stay longer.  I wondered if I could sustain this stranger that would be leading our mission.  I went to my Father in Heaven in prayer and explained how I felt.  I asked that I might receive an assurance that this man was actually chosen by Heavenly Father to lead the South Africa mission.  I made this a part of my prayers everyday till an answer came.

When he arrived in Africa one of the first things President Thorn did was to travel around the mission to meet the members and the missionaries.  I do not remember the exact circumstances but at one point he spoke to us in a meeting I think.  He told us about himself and his family and he bore his testimony.  As he spoke the Holy Ghost came upon me and bore a powerful witness to my spirit that this man was indeed called by Heavenly Father to be my mission president at this time.  Any doubts that I had left me entirely and I knew that I could trust President Thorn completely.

This testimony was a great blessing to me many times through the rest of my mission.  One of these times occurred on my last transfer.  I was in a town called Port Shepstone on the coast in the province of Nataal.  I had been in Nataal for about six months and I knew a transfer was coming.  My first area had been as a junior companion in the city of Pretoria and I had no desire to go back.  I felt so strongly about it that I told the assistants to the president that if they sent me back to Pretoria that I would just go home.  Well, about two weeks later I received a phone call from President Thorn.  He informed me that I was being transferred to be the district leader in Pretoria.  He told me this was where Heavenly Father wanted me to serve now.  My resistance melted away and I went to Pretoria.  I renewed some old friendships including Sister Pretorius, the first person that I baptized.  Their family was having a bit of a struggle being active and I was able to help them some.  I made some new friends and was blessed to be able to teach and baptize one more convert before the end of my mission.  Pretoria became one of my favorite areas on my mission.  I am grateful that President Thorn sent me back and that because of my testimony of him I went willingly.

Having a testimony of your leaders is a great blessing that is always available to you.  Besides President Thorn there have been many times when I have received a witness from the Spirit that someone has been called of God to serve in a position where they have a stewardship for me.  There have been Bishops and Stake Presidents, elders quorum presidents and even sunday school teachers.  It has often come when a new President of the church is sustained.  If you make the effort in humility and prayer Heavenly Father will give you a testimony of those who have stewardship for you.  Knowing that Heavenly Father wants that person in that position makes it much easier to support them.  Besides yourself no-one has a greater stewardship for you than Mom and I.  We have seen the difference that having that testimony made with Lehi's family.  You may and should do as Nephi did, seek a testimony of our family and your part in it.  Having one will make it much easier for you to live true to the family.

There is one caution that I must add here.  All of these people are imperfect and could fall away from the gospel while they still have stewardship for you.  The key is to remember that living true to the Saviour comes first.  That does not mean that if they do something you don't like or they make a mistake that you are justified in not supporting them.  If, however, they want you to do something that is not in keeping with gospel principles you can know that it is wrong and you should not do it.

We have talked about the family and how it can help you remain free if you live true to it.  To finish I want to review some points so you understand clearly what living true to our family means.  Remember what President David O. McKay said, "No other success can compensate for failure in the home."  That means that everything else, friends, music, sports, personal possessions, school, or activities, is not as important as your brothers and sisters and your mom and dad.  After your relationship with Heavenly Father and Jesus building these relationships is your greatest responsibility as kids.

To fill that responsibility there are a number of things you must do.  First is obeying the rules and keeping the standards of our family.  I learned on my mission that the rules are there to keep you safe.  They serve that same purpose in our family.  The rules and standards of our family are there to help you succeed in life, be happy as you do so, and return to live with Heavenly Father.  Living by them will earn you greater trust and in turn more freedom.

Next you should become best friends with everyone in our family.  We read a quote from President Benson, a part of which said, "Your most important friendships should be with your own brothers and sisters and with your father and mother."  A big part of friendship is wanting the things that your friend wants.  In our family this might mean driving Jenny to a friend's house, or rebounding the basketball for Kelly while he practices free throws.  It might mean lending Nick your favorite shirt for his big date or earnestly praying for one of us that is struggling with a personal problem.

In the scriptures Christ put it another way, "I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine."(D&C 38:27)  To "be one" means to have the same purpose or objectives in mind.  It means helping your friend accomplish his or her goals.  It may mean putting their needs or wants before your own and making a sacrifice for them.  It means trying to understand why they did something rather than getting mad at them even if you are justified.  Because they are important to you it means speaking respectfully to them instead of yelling or calling them names.  To have a friend you must be one.  As you do these things for our family you will find that you will always have a friend when you need one.

To be true to the family you need to support the family.  Another part of President Benson's quote said, "the family unit is forever, and you should do everything in your power to strengthen that unit."  To support the family you might have to do chores when you would rather watch TV.  Or you might need to obey a rule that you think shouldn't apply to you.  It might be a family activity instead of going with your friends.  But it really goes farther than just doing what you are asked to do.  It means finding ways to help on your own.  It means being aware of others in the family that might need your help.  In short it means to find ways to serve each other.

Another part of supporting the family is to gain a testimony of the family and your part in it.  Again from President Benson we read, "Be loyal to them."  In our family this is more difficult because some of you are adopted.  I know that each of you were meant to be in our family.  That knowledge came in answer to serious prayer.  To feel at peace about our family and your place in it you need to do the same.  Having your own testimony of the family is the key to being loyal.

Next remember the goals we have as a family, to succeed in life, to be happy, and to return as a family to live with Heavenly Father.  We are working on these as a family but ultimately this is your responsibility.  Mom and I can and will help you as much as we can but most of the work you will have to do yourself.  This is one of the basic purposes of life to gain experience.  Just as to gain a testimony you must read, ponder, and pray to succeed in life you must go to school and do your homework.  If Mom or I did it for you you wouldn't learn anything and eventually you would  fail.  So make these goals your own and do what it takes to reach them.

Finally, your last responsibility is to learn to love each member of the family.  You may think that you will never be able to do that.  Remember we have been told to do this by a prophet of God and He will help us accomplish this most important task.  To begin work on becoming true friends and the love will come.

Please always remember that Mom and I love each of you very much.  That we want you to always be a part of our family and to be happy.  Much of what we do is to help you accomplish the goals we talked about and to remain free.  Another quote from President Benson says it all, "Remember, the family is one of God's greatest fortresses against the evils of our day.  Help keep your family strong and close and worthy of our Father in Heaven's blessings.  As you do, you will receive faith and strength, which will bless your lives forever."  Being a part of our family means that more is expected of you but as you live true to our family that more will become a treasured blessing to you.  It will keep you free.  Dad

                                                  TRUE TO YOURSELF

The final and perhaps best defense of your freedom is living true to yourself.  The world would have you believe this is something much different than it actually is.  I will do my best to teach you what it really means to be true to yourself.  This is also based on living true to the Saviour.  In fact, you cannot be true to yourself if you are not first true to the Saviour.  Also, living true to the family will help you be true to yourself.

To understand what it means to be true to yourself you must first understand that you are of infinite worth.  There are two scriptures that tell us how important you are to Heavenly Father.  The first is Moses 1:39, it says, "For behold, this is my work and my glory‑‑to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."  Heavenly Father's whole purpose is to help you become like Him.  Everything He does is done to accomplish this goal.  The next scripture shows what Heavenly Father and Jesus have already done to help you reach that goal. 

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;

"For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him.

"And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance.

"And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!"

D&C 18:10‑13

We are told that you are of great worth to Heavenly Father.  So much that the Saviour died for you.  But even more than that He took upon Himself the pain and suffering for your sins making it possible for you to repent.  And when you do we are told that it brings Heavenly Father great joy.

I want you to consider this sacrifice that they made for you and why.  Jesus was Heavenly Father's only begotten Son.  This means that Jesus was His physical child born to Heavenly Father just as I was born to Grandpa Gorrell.  He was Heavenly Father's only child born in this life and He asked the Saviour to give up that life for you.  Jesus had lived a perfect life in every way, He didn't have to die on the cross to return to live with Father in Heaven.  He did it willingly for you.  Now you may be thinking that they did that for everyone and you're right but there is more.  They made that sacrifice with you specifically in mind.  They know you better than you know yourself and they love you more than anyone else.  I want you to know that their relationship with you is a very personal one.  It is that of a father for a child but very much stronger and perfected.  It is one of a very close and cherished friend.  Each of you is distinctly very important to them.  They value you, with their perfect knowledge of you and everything you have done, very highly.  What I want you to understand is that when they made the decision to make this great sacrifice they thought of you personally.  When the Saviour died upon the cross and took upon Him the pain and suffering for our sins He did that for you especially.  To help you appreciate how much you mean to them imagine that you are the only person on the earth.  Because of your great worth to them they still would have made that sacrifice just for you.  In a very real way that is what they did for all of us. 

But just because I have told you this will not make you feel their esteem for you.  And even if it makes sense to you logically in your heart you may think that it cannot be true of you.  You can only feel it in the same way that I did, from Heavenly Father.  I have felt it as blessings have come to us from the hands of other people.  I have felt it as the attack of this illness has been slowed so that I might have more time with you.  I have felt it when I have prayed for a specific need and an answer has come almost immediately.  If you pause for a minute and reflect I think you'll realize that you have felt it also at least a little.  Ask yourself as I have why would Heavenly Father and the Saviour bless you in these ways if you were not important to them? 

The way I have felt it the strongest though has been in answer to my sincere prayers.  The spirit has come to me and I have heard that still small voice whisper to me.  In this manner I have been told that I am Heavenly Father's son, that He is watching over me.  That He will help me through this hard time.  And every time that my Heavenly Father loves me.  I know that Heavenly Father feels the same way about each of you.  If you don't know these things yourself then ask Him.  If you really want to know He will answer your prayers and you will know that you are important to Him.  As you consider all that Heavenly Father and the Saviour have done for you and all that they are willing to do for you personally you will realize that you truly are of great worth to them.

 You are also very important to Mom and I.  Jenny told me something one day that shows a little how we feel.  She said, "I wasn't an accident because you wanted me.  That's why you adopted me!"  The same thing is true of all of you, we wanted you!  To help you understand how much let me tell you a little about Melissa.  When Mom and I were first married we lived in a ward that was nicknamed "The Newlywed and Nearly Dead Ward."  As you might imagine the ward was made up of mostly old folks and young couples.  There was only one deacon in the ward while the nursery on the other hand had around fifty or more.  In sacrament meeting there would be four or five rows of benches with only older sisters and at least that many of older couples.  The only group that was as numerous was the young couples.

As I mentioned there was a very large bunch of toddlers and babies in this ward.  It seemed like every young couple had one or two little ones or they were expecting one.  Those who didn't were trying to get pregnant, Mom and I were in this group.  We lived in a basement that had three small apartments in it, each with a newly married couple.  As time passed we became good friends.  I remember that one of the main topics of conversation centered around who was pregnant and who wasn't.  Before too long Mom became pregnant.  We were very excited about having a new little one come to live with us.  We moved to a bigger nicer apartment.  We began to buy baby cloths, baby blankets, diapers, and all the other things you need for a new baby.  As the baby grew she began to move around and kick.  I would put my hand on Mom's tummy and the baby would kick my hand.  It was a wonderful time filled with anticipation for the upcoming birth.

When Mom was about seven months pregnant the baby became less active and soon stopped moving completely.  Then late one night in July of 1977 we lost her.  She was a beautiful baby, perfect in every way with dark brown hair.  The umbilical chord had become tied in a knot.  We were both filled with sadness, we didn't get a chance to hear her cry or see her smile or get to know her.  There was a big empty place in our lives where Melissa should have been.  We had really wanted children before this but now we longed for a baby even more. 

There have been some special spiritual experiences that have let us know that Melissa is a part of our family and that some time in the future we will get to know her as we know each of you.  The reason I have shared this story with you is so that you will each understand how much Mom and I want you to be a part of our family.  Even now after almost nineteen years I think of Melissa, what she might be doing, and I wish she was here.  As much as we miss her and want her with us we want each of you also here in our family.

As important as it is to have you be a part of our family here in this life you are even more precious than that to us.  For that reason Mom and I were married for time and all eternity in the Salt Lake temple.  How grateful we were for those covenants when Melissa was taken from us.  What a wonderful feeling it was to know that when Nick, Micah, and Kelly were born they would be a part of our family forever.  And when we adopted Tessa, Matt, and Jenny we returned to a temple to seal you three into the family.  Now we are an eternal family and will always be if we live faithful to the gospel.

I was sealed to Grandpa and Grandma Gorrell when I was ten years old in the Idaho Falls temple.  I do not remember a lot about it now but one memory is very vivid to me.  It is the way my mom and dad appeared to me as I entered the sealing room of the temple.  They were dressed in their temple clothes standing by the alter.  I can honestly tell you that my mother was more beautiful than I had ever imagined she could be.  And my father was also beautiful, together they radiated it.  It was a different beauty than we have in the world.  It was pure, and noble, and inviting, and I wanted to be a part of it.  I felt wanted and at peace there.  I am certain that there were other people in the sealing room but I didn't see them.  My whole attention was on my mom and dad.  I suspect that Heavenly Father allowed me to have just a glimpse of what my mother and father will be like in the celestial kingdom.  I saw my family in a different light and realized how important they are to me.

I participated in another wonderful sealing this time as a father.  It was in the Provo temple and we were all there.  We were surrounded by loved ones, grandmas and grandpas, aunts and uncles, and a lot of friends.  I suspect that there was a lot of loved ones there also on the other side of the veil including Melissa.  Mom and I knelt at each end of the alter.  Nick, Micah, and Kelly, who were already sealed to us, stood beside Mom and I.  Tessa, Matt, and Jenny knelt at the alter and placed their hands on mine and mom's.  Then a man who held the priesthood authority sealed the three of you into our family just as if you were born to us.  Again I caught a little glimpse of the celestial kingdom with our family surrounded by those who love us.  I cannot imagine being there without all of you with us.

One of my very favorite pictures is the one of all of us dressed in white with the temple behind us.  Jenny was standing in the front with an expression on her face that tells everything.  She has a smile on her face that says, "I am someone important, I belong here, and I know it."  That is how I hope you feel about the family.  Each one of you is someone important, very important to Mom and I.  And you belong here as a part of our eternal family and always will.  Most of all I hope that you know this, you are of great worth to us.

Finally, you are of great worth to yourself.  You may not believe all of this.  You may be saying, "I am no one important and I never will be.  No one likes me.  I don't even like myself."  This may be the image that you hold of yourself but it does not accurately represent your worth.  All of us have an image that we see of ourselves, it may be negative or positive.  It is often not accurate and may be exaggerated in either direction.  The standards that we use to see ourselves by are typically set by the world.  They include practices that measure our beauty, our riches, our physical ability, our intelligence, our possessions, or our lack of these features.  We see ourselves as cool, always in style, rad, or maybe we think that we are a nerd, dumb, or ugly.  There are many other ways that we judge ourselves to see if we measure up to what the world feels is important.  While a lot of these are not bad by themselves, when used as the world tells us to they give us a distorted view of ourself.  Usually looking at ourselves in this way will leave us feeling that we are of little value.

To understand the difference between image and worth think of a dollar bill.  I have had dollar bills that were brand new.  They were crisp and a little hard to handle.  They were clean and easy to tell what they were.  On the other hand I have had some that were so old and dirty that it was a little difficult to tell what they were.  Often they were so ragged that they wouldn't work in a vending machine.  But no matter how they appear to us they are all worth a dollar, 100 cents.  Consider a twenty dollar bill.  To someone that has a lot of money a twenty may not seem like much.  To someone who is poor it may seem like a lot of money.  The worth of the twenty dollar bill did not change only the image that each man held of it.  Image is what we think of something, worth is it's true value.

Image then is what we think of ourselves, worth is our true value.  To bring our self image in line with our self worth there are two things we need to do.  First is to understand your worth.  You are a child of God, nothing will ever change that.  As a child of God you have the ability to become like Him.  You have within you the qualities of your Heavenly Father, you just have to perfect them.  That in itself gives you great worth.  Besides your importance to Heavenly Father and the Saviour and your importance to the family you are of great importance to yourself.  As you come to realize these things you will look at yourself differently.  You will begin to see the great person that you are now and can become.

The second is to measure ourselves against the true standard.  There is only one that really matters and that is the gospel of Jesus Christ.  It tells us that to begin with you are a child of God and as such are very important just as you are.  Then it tells us how to magnify that worth to the fullest.  When you look at yourself ask, "Am I living true to the covenants I made when I was baptized?  Do I honor the priesthood that I hold?  Am I striving to live by the Young Women Values?  Am I preparing myself to serve Heavenly Father on a mission and throughout my life?  Do I hold temple marriage as a goal and do I live by the standards that will take me there?"  These questions and ones like them will give you a clear view of yourself and what changes are really important to make in your life.

There is a scripture that applies here, it tells us how we should feel about ourselves.

"Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

"This is the first and great commandment.

"And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."

Matthew 22:37‑39

We are told to do three things in this scripture.  First, we are to love Heavenly Father with all our heart, and with all our soul, and with all our mind.  This is another way of saying that we should put Heavenly Father first in our lives.  That we should live true to the Saviour.

The other two are in this phrase, "Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself."  We are told to love our neighbors or the people around us in the same way that we love ourself.  Besides telling us how we should feel about other people it tells us that we should love ourselves.  In the thesaurus love is described with words like admiration, devotion, cherish, esteem, appreciate, respect, kindness, or charity.  All of these words indicate the way we should look at ourselves.  As you treat yourself in these ways you will find within a love for you as a person, as a member of our family, and as a child of God.  You will feel that you are of great worth and as you do you will realize that others are also of great worth.  Then it will be easier to love your neighbor as you love yourself.

Often the image we hold of ourselves will become damaged.  There are two sources of this damage, other people and ourselves.  Other people do it by criticizing us in one way or another.  Some do it on purpose, intent on running us down they might call us names.  They may talk about us negatively behind our back or openly try to embarrass us in front of our friends.  Their purpose is to destroy and usually that is obvious.  Others do the same thing unknowingly.  They may make comments about us without thinking or they might just not care.  Both groups will usually focus on a weakness that we have such as being overweight, having a big nose, having blonde hair, or something else from the standards of the world.  They try to make us think that because we have that weakness we are less of a person than everyone else.  If we allow ourselves to believe them our self image becomes flawed.

More painful than these are the ones that come from the people who are most important to us, friends, family, and loved ones.  Often in a sincere effort to help us they will make comments that end up hurting our feelings.  Because they are someone that loves us or someone that we love we naturally attach more significance to what they say.  Because of who they are we tend to believe that what they say must be true.  Again the image we have of ourself may suffer.  There is one major way to handle this input from other people so that your self image is protected.  That is to look at yourself as a whole person.  Even if what they say is true when looked at as only part of your whole self it might not be worth worrying about.  On the other hand if you can see that it makes a big difference in your whole then you will know that you should work on it.

The other source of damage to our self image I said was ourself.  It comes when we sin.  This one is more dangerous because if left unrepented of it can affect our self worth and our freedom.  With sin also comes the influence of satan telling us that we are unworthy and therefore worthless.  It is a lie designed to stop your progression toward Heavenly Father.  Remember what we read in Doctrine & Covenants 18:10-13,

"Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God;

"For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him.

"And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance.

"And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!"

Heavenly Father knew that we would sin and has provided a way for us to overcome those sins through the atonement of the Saviour.  While our sins make us unworthy we don't have to remain that way we can repent and become clean.  And even with our sins we are not worthless as satan would have you believe.  Jesus worked the atonement for sinners, someone that is perfect has no need of it.  Repentance is the way we put Christ's atonement into effect in our lives.  It is the medicine we take for our sin damaged self image.  It is the way we overcome sin and the process that will, over a lifetime, perfect us.

After we fully repent forgiveness comes to us and with it relief.  The pain that we feel from our sins is taken from us and we are made whole by the atonement of the Saviour.  The pain, however, does not just disappear.  We are healed by the Saviour taking upon Himself our pain and suffering.  Justice demands that when we break a law, no matter how small, that a price be paid.  Christ paid that price in the Garden of Gethsemane and upon the cross.  He did this because of His great love for you and by doing so tells you that you are of great worth to Him.  So much so that He was willing to and did die for you.  The Saviour knows what your true value is.  Just because the image you hold of yourself may be far below that does not change your worth to Him or to yourself.  As you repent and feel the sweet healing effect of the atonement you will feel different about yourself.  The image you hold of yourself will reflect your great worth.

I hope this helps you understand your importance to Heavenly Father and to our family.  But most importantly I hope you feel and understand the great worth you have for yourself.  It should help motivate you to actively defend your freedom.  Earlier I said that perhaps the best defense of your freedom was to live true to yourself.  Knowing of your great worth gives you a much clearer image of the you that you should live true to.

The world teaches that living true to yourself means casting off all the rules and restrictions you've been taught and doing what you really want.  They will tell you that only then will you be truly free.  It may begin with friends telling you, "You should be able to come and go when you want, after all you're not a little kid any more are you?"  You may hear phrases like, "If you want to be my friend...", "Don't be a chicken...", "If you want to be one of us...", "If you really love me...", or "Everyone is doing it."  Then they add something that appears to show that you are truly free.  When you hear something like this a red flag should go up in your mind warning you that there is danger ahead.

The world will teach you that it is only natural, that it is normal and healthy.  Included in these natural, normal, healthy things might be necking, masturbation, watching movies with only a little bad language, only a little sexual content, or only a little violence.  They teach that a little wine or beer is good for you.  That it's only natural for a boy to be curious about pornography.  Some would have you think that there is nothing wrong with marijuana, in fact it might be good for you.  That cigarettes are not addicting or unhealthy.  They will tell you that life should be fun so go ahead and do it if you really want to.

      They go farther, telling you that because everyone does it it's normal and therefore ok.  This includes using bad language, telling dirty jokes and stories, watching the popular questionable TV shows, playing video games that have violence as the main theme, or being a little dishonest to stay out of trouble.  Then it moves on to r-rated movies, skipping school, drinking or experimenting with drugs, or taking part in sex with a boyfriend or girlfriend.  Those in the world will tell you something like, "How do you know that it's bad if you haven't tried it?"  Almost any behavior is all right to try to find out what you are really like.  They go so far as to justify a lot of things by saying he or she was born that way.  In doing so the world tells us that it is acceptable to be involved in actions from cross dressing to homosexuality.  They claim that to be true to yourself you should be free to do whatever you want.

Listen to this scripture from the Book of Mormon describing satan and his activities in our time.

"For behold, at that day shall he rage in the hearts of the children of men, and stir them up to anger against that which is good.

"And others will he pacify, and lull them away into carnal security, that they will say: All is well in Zion; yea, Zion prospereth, all is well‑‑and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell.

"And behold, others he flattereth away, and telleth them there is no hell; and he saith unto them: I am no devil, for there is none‑‑and thus he whispereth in their ears, until he grasps them with his awful chains, from whence there is no deliverance."

2 Nephi 28:20‑22

In a very real way this describes what the world does as they try to persuade you to believe in their definition of freedom.  They "pacify" you by telling you that TV shows with only a little violence are not that bad.  They will "lull" you into a worldly security with the idea that a little necking is all right as long as that is all you do.  You may hear voices "flatter" you with questions like, "You're old enough to decide on your own aren't you?  Aren't you man enough to handle just one little beer?  If you really love me then why don't you show me?"  They "whisper" in your ear that masturbation is a healthy practice, that trying drugs is  a normal activity for young people, that it's only natural for a boyfriend and girlfriend to enjoy a sexual relationship.

They teach that living true to yourself means that you should be free to do whatever you like.  They want you to believe that these activities are not bad, that "there is no hell," and "no devil."  You will be told that the family rules, the laws of government, and even the commandments of God are just there so that someone else can control you.  And they will "stir" you up to be angry at anyone who would want you to follow these standards.  The world's understanding of being free is based on the doing, and it is false.  Consider where these activities lead, it is not to freedom but the loss of it.  You cannot be true to yourself and follow this path.  Listen again to why the world teaches these things, "and thus the devil cheateth their souls, and leadeth them away carefully down to hell."

Now hear what Heavenly Father says about this natural, normal, healthy way of life.

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man....."

Mosiah 3:19

Remember you are Heavenly Father's child.  If the natural man is His enemy then surely as His child the natural man is your enemy also.  The course the world would have you follow is doing whatever you naturally feel like doing.  But being free is the result of what we do, not the doing itself.  As you strive to live true to yourself do not be fooled by the world or satan and the false freedom they would have you indulge in.  It leads to captivity not freedom.

A.J. Cronin wrote: "The disciplined (person) has acquired a strength, which comes from inner mastery.  He has chosen between two freedoms; the false, where one is free to do as he likes; and the true, where he is free to do what he ought."  We know what the false freedom is so now let's talk about what true freedom is.  Cronin says it is doing what we ought, that it involves inner mastery.  Earlier we learned that true freedom is the result of our actions not the actions themself.  As we focus on the outcome of our actions, or where they lead, we gain a better understanding of what we ought to do to remain free.  The idea of self mastery means that you are in control of your actions and not the other way around.  It means that when something presents itself for you to do that you consciously choose whether to do it or not.  You think about where it leads.  If the action does not protect your freedom, if it takes it away from you, or prevents you from living true to the Saviour then choose not to do it.  In this way you become the master of yourself, by making the hard choices that maintain your freedom.

The gospel outlines very clearly what we must do to live true to ourselves.  It is a course very different from the world's but promises freedom beyond anything we could hope for.  Four scriptures teach us this path, the first is Mosiah 3:19 again,

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

This one tells us three things that we should do.  First is to "yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit."  Take the Holy Ghost as your guide for life.  Learn to hear and follow His promptings.  He will always be true to what is best for you even when all around you urge you to do something else.

Next, we are counseled to put "off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ."  All those natural urges are to be put in their proper place whether that means never giving in to them or waiting to use them as Heavenly Father intended.  Either way it means that you are in control and not these worldly appetites.  It is a process that you will need to follow throughout your life.  You will be able to do this through the atonement of Christ for He has overcome all things and with His help you can overcome any and all things.

Finally, we are told what our attitude should be, "as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit..."  This is very different from the world with their emphasis on rights and their persistence to use them.  This attitude can be expressed with one word, teachable.  We should be teachable, willing to follow Heavenly Father's direction whatever it might be.  It means doing things not our way but His way.

The second scripture is Mark 8:35‑37,

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it; but whosoever shall lose his life for my sake and the gospel's, the same shall save it.

"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?

"Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?"

This scripture doesn't mean that you have to physically die for the gospel to be true to yourself.  It means being willing to give up any and everything important to you in order to do what Heavenly Father would have you do.  The hard part in following this is doing it without being asked.  We are almost always ready to do whatever we are asked but what about the rest of the time?  Is work more important than participating in Young Men's or Young Women's?  Is having a boyfriend or girlfriend more important than following the dating standards set by the church?  Will you put off reading the Book of Mormon in order to practice the trumpet or the baritone or the piano?  Would you rather visit friends or relatives than watch general conference?  Is serving a mission in your plans or would you rather get married or find a job or go to college?  Can you make it through sunday without a game of one on one basketball?      While these pursuits are not bad if you choose them before the gospel you are not being true to yourself.  Last year a young man who had played football in college and was very good at it was chosen to play professional football.  This meant that he would earn a lot of money, probably more than a million dollars every year.  Because it meant he would have to play on sunday he gave it up.  I cannot tell you everything that you should be willing to give up for the gospel, you have to make those choices yourself.  But hear again the question this scripture asks, "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?  Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?"  Being true to yourself is not doing or having whatever you want but rather being willing to give it all up to live as you should.  Only in living this way will you save your life.

The next scripture tells what happens when we put the gospel first in our lives.

"For your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you."

3 Nephi 13:32‑33

You cannot give up anything for Heavenly Father without being blessed for it.  He knows what you need whether it be a job, a chance to relax, a better car, or the companionship of a friend.  To be true to yourself you should seek to live in such a way that doing what Heavenly Father wants you to comes first.  If you do He says, "all these things shall be added unto you."  And it will be the best for you of these things.  Put the gospel first and Heavenly Father will help you find that perfect job.  Live a chaste life and you will be blessed with an eternal companion.  Fill your life with service to the church, including a mission, and all that you stand in need of will come to you.

The world would have you believe that if you live this way you will miss out on something but the opposite is true.  If you live true to yourself as the gospel teaches you will be protecting your freedom and again "all these things shall be added unto you."  If you do not live true to yourself in this way there are countless blessings that you will lose.  You may be trading an eternal companion for a high school boyfriend or girlfriend, very much for very little.  Again, if you focus on the outcome and not the doing or having right now you will be less likely to make these deals that are not in your best interest.

The last scripture tells us where living true to yourself leads.

"And he that receiveth me receiveth my Father;

"And he that receiveth my Father receiveth my Father's kingdom; therefore all that my Father hath shall be given unto him."

D&C 84:37‑38

All that Heavenly Father has will be given to you if you live true to yourself as taught to us in the gospel.  Who is missing out now?  Doing just what you want will not bring you here only doing what you should will.  Remember freedom is not the doing but the result of what you do.  If you reach this result there will be no limit to your freedom.  Those who do not live true to themselves will not be free.

So who is responsible for your freedom?  Is it up to Mom and I, or maybe Heavenly Father?  No, it's up to you!  You have all the tools to do the job.  You know what true freedom is, a result not an action.  You know where you are headed, to be with Heavenly Father.  You have a family with rules, standards, structure, and traditions designed to help you protect your freedom.  You have the gospel of Jesus Christ with all it's blessings; the church that provides the leadership and teachings that lead to freedom, the Holy Ghost to guide you to safety, and the atonement of Christ to make it possible for you to overcome all things that limit your freedom.  The best tool of all that you have is yourself.  You know who you are, a child of God with infinite worth and you know how to really live true to yourself.

I hope that you will not just read this and then put it down.  Rather I hope that you will make the effort necessary to find the truthfulness of these things for yourself.  And above that I pray that you will not be fooled by the world, that you will live true to yourself.  It's up to you.  Love, Dad

                                             CHANGE WHAT YOU CAN CHANGE

An interesting thing happens in our family every Sunday morning, everyone has a hard time finding their church clothes.  We run around like chickens with their heads cut off, looking for shoes, clothes, or the stuff to do our hair with.  Kelly cannot find one of his shoes and blames Jenny for putting it away in the wrong place.  Matt doesn't have any clean socks so he swipes a pair from Nick.  Micah can be heard yelling from the bathroom for someone to bring him a towel.  Nick gets upset at Tessa because she has locked herself in the other bathroom for the past hour.  And Jenny waits till the last minute to ask Mom to help her with her hair.  Often we barely make it to church on time even though our meetings don't begin until one in the afternoon.

A similar thing often happens with schoolwork, at nine-thirty every night everyone pulls out their books and begins to work.  Jenny, Kelly, and Matt all have thirty or forty math problems due tomorrow.  Nick sits down at the computer to type five or six pages.  A moment later Tessa walks in hoping to use the computer also.  And Micah pulls out his trumpet and begins to practice.  Then when Mom asks everyone to go to bed there are all these excuses to stay up for just another hour.  I wonder why it becomes so important at nine-thirty at night but wasn't that same afternoon at four.

There is another source of friction in our family, everyone is more worried about what others have or have not done than what they themselves have.  We frequently hear comments like, "I did it last, it's Matt's turn.  Jenny threw my backpack on the floor when she put it away.  Nick didn't do the laundry, what am I supposed to do for clothes?  I can't do my job because Tessa hasn't unloaded the dishwasher yet."  There are countless others like these but I think these are enough to show the problem.  Often after this beginning a fight breaks out and a lot of energy is used by all parties to  argue their side of the story.  It becomes more important to prove yourself right than anything else.  Almost always more effort is spent in this than it would have taken for the task in question.

On top of all this I come down with a terminal illness, which adds even more strife to our family.  A lot of what we do now, particularly how we treat other people, is a response to me being so sick.  You may be angry that this has happened to us or worried about me or frustrated that there is apparently nothing you can do about it.  More often than not these feelings are expressed against another member of the family and then more un-needed turmoil comes to us.  We may feel that we are not in control, that there is no choice for us but the way we now handle it.  That is not true, you always have a choice in how you act.  You may, however, be trying to change what you cannot and ignoring what you can.

To begin our discussion about change we need to talk first about accountability or who is responsible for our actions.  In the world there is a considerable effort being made to find the underlying reasons for behavior.  They study our genetic makeup in an effort to find a gene or a group of genes that make us act one way or another.  Their work has turned up genes for whether we are fat or not, for our so called sexual orientation, and any number of other character traits.  They tell us that someone with a particular gene has no choice but to act in the manner dictated by that gene.  They offer excuses that we are all to often ready to use to explain what we do.

Another justification promoted by the world is our circumstances in life.  This includes everything from how we were raised to the color of our skin.  Included are things like being adopted, getting divorced, going to a school that doesn't have any teachers that we like, not being able to find a good job, the way everyone treats us, feeling that no-one likes us, having an injury or surgery, having been neglected or abused, experiencing the death of a loved one, or becoming terminally ill.  We often hear statements like he acts like that because this or that happened to him when he was young.  We look for a reason to excuse our behavior believing that because something unfair happened to us it's ok to do something that is not really appropriate.

Some circumstances do genuinely control our behavior.  Because of my illness I cannot walk without my walker.  A person with Alzheimer's disease will not remember people in his family.  Because certain situations do dictate a particular behavior the world extends that logic to include most circumstances.  We hear, "If that happened to you you would have done the same thing."  In these ways the world justifies their definition of accountability, it's not your fault, you are not responsible. 

They go even farther teaching that you should avoid liability if possible.  "Just don't get caught, but if you do blame it on someone else," is their motto.  All of it, whether based on a genuine influence or a way to justify what we have done, adds up to the same thing, not being responsible for our actions.  The world would have you believe that you cannot help acting the way you do.  That someone else is to blame, that "the devil made you do it."  That because someone did something to you it is all right to respond negatively.  That whether or not your actions are appropriate or not doesn't matter as long as you are justified.

All of this adds up to the world's definition of accountability, you are not responsible.  They teach justifiability instead of responsibility.  That means that any action on your part is ok as long as you can justify it with an excuse.  They would have you believe that your actions are controlled by what happens to you and not necessarily by you.  This is false.  In Mark 7:15 Jesus taught,

"There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man."

This means simply that you are accountable for what you do, you are responsible.

The gospel teaches us something very different from the world.  The following scripture tells us what it is based on.

"And it is given unto them to know good from evil; wherefore they are agents unto themselves..."

Moses 6:56

And again Doctrine & Covenants 58:28 speaks about your agency.

"For the power is in them, wherein they are agents unto themselves.  And inasmuch as men do good they shall in nowise lose their reward."

Both of these say that you are agents for yourselves and they give us two reasons why.  First we are told that you have the ability to tell the difference between right and wrong or "to know good from evil."  Then we learn that you have in you the power to act for yourself.  These two traits, being able to tell between right and wrong, and having the power to act for yourself, define what agency is.  The gospel definition of accountability then is based on agency, because you have your agency you are responsible for what you do.  The war in heaven was fought over whether we would have our own agency or not.  For us to grow and progress or to be tested we had to have our own agency.  Because it was so important Heavenly Father cast out all those who would take it away from us, one third of His spirit children.  By doing so He protected our agency and insured that we would be able to control our own actions.

There are three scriptures that I would like to read that talk about us controlling our actions.  The first is 1 Corinthians 10:13.

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

There are two important points made here.  The first is in the phrase "but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able."  This means that you will not be put into a situation, no matter how hard it might be, that you cannot handle.  Heavenly Father will not allow that to happen.  And the way He does that is told to us in the next part of the verse, "but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."  This means that there is always an appropriate action for you to take.  It may not be easy to do or obvious to know what it is but it will be there.  It is your responsibility to find and do the right thing.

The next scripture is the one we read from Mark,

"There is nothing from without a man, that entering into him can defile him: but the things which come out of him, those are they that defile the man."

Mark 7:15

We are told that there is nothing from without that can defile us or make us do things that we should not.  While things from without can exercise a very strong influence on us they do not control what we do.  Because we have our own agency we can control how we respond to those influences.  Often though we do not use our agency but instead we let the influence, whether it be another person or the situation we are in, decide what we do.  Then we willingly give our agency away and let the things from without determine whether we become defiled or not.

Later in the same chapter of Mark it says,

"And he said, That which cometh out of the man, that defileth the man.

"For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,

"Thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lasciviousness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness:

"All these evil things come from within, and defile the man."

Mark 7:20‑23

This simply says that the things that we do, whether it be our thoughts or our actions, defile us.  Part of this scripture goes with the third scripture, Proverbs 23:7, "For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."  Everything that you have ever done you thought about it first.  This is true of both good and bad actions.  Even your habits were thought about before they first became actions.  Now, however, you may do them almost automatically with barely a thought at all.  In some situations you may also have to choose an action without time to think about what is right and what is wrong.  For this reason it is very important to decide in advance what action you will do if those situations come to you.  This then is the key to controlling your actions, control your thoughts.  Paraphrasing Mark we learn, "For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed all these things."  Use your agency to decide in your heart what actions are right and then follow your heart.

Read with me from 3rd Nephi chapter twelve. 

"And behold, it is written, an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth;"

3 Nephi 12:38

Here is the justifiability that the world lives by.  Notice two things about this system of accountability.  Someone else controls what is done and the action is negative.

Read on and learn how Heavenly Father expects you to act.

"But I say unto you, that ye shall not resist evil, but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also;

"And if any man will sue thee at the law and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also;

"And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.

"Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn thou not away.

"And behold it is written also, that thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy;

"But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;

"That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good."

3 Nephi 12:39-45

Here then is true accountability, you are responsible for your actions.  Heavenly Father has given you your agency and expects you to be faithful in using it.  He has commanded you to love all people, even those that you look upon as enemies, and to do good to them.  So be responsible for only you control what you do.

So now let's talk about change. There is a poem that hits the nail right on the head.  "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."  There are three divisions of change that we need to talk about; the things that we cannot change, the things that we can change, and the things that only Heavenly Father can change.  Like the poem says wisdom comes by knowing the difference between these and doing what is appropriate in each situation.  When you reach the point where your actions are governed by that wisdom you will find that your efforts are much more effective towards what you want to accomplish.

There are a lot of things in your life that you cannot change.  Time moves forward no matter what you do.  You can measure it or you can fill it with positive or negative actions but you cannot alter it at all.  With the passage of time also comes death.  One day, no matter what you do, you will die.  Another thing related to time that you cannot change is the past.  It is true that you can repent of things done in the past but repentance does not change the past it changes you.

The thing that we most often try to change that we cannot is other people.  We may do things to them or if we are bigger than they are we might force them to do something but they will only change when they decide to.  Someone once said, "a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still."  As we have already discussed each person has their own agency, they control their own actions.  We cannot control them neither can we make them change.  Much of the frustration that comes to us in life is the result of trying to make someone else change to fit what we want.  Doing so will only result in failure and our efforts will be wasted.  People will change only when they are ready to.  We may influence them but we cannot force them.  When we learn this lesson and try to live by it we will get along with other people much better.

Consider the following illustration adapted from a control model created by my good friend and counselor, Dr. Seymour P. Steed.

A PROBLEM or ISSUE prompts action on either
OTHERS	Or	YOURSELF	OUT OF YOUR CONTROL
BIG Lie or Trap We judge or label the other person. This helps to justify our response:		Control of Self by YOUR VALUES
		LDS Standards Honesty True to Christ True to Family True to Self Love Co-operation Obedience Etc. AGENCY: Your choice as to how you will respond	Brothers Sisters Parents Children Teachers Leaders Friends 6 BILLION OTHERS ON EARTH
Anger Resentment Frustration Disobedience Rebellion Criticism Revenge ?????

As the illustration indicates when we are faced with a problem we have a choice.  We may act against others or on ourselves.  Dr. Steed says, "We tend to seek the easy solution by judging and blaming others for our problems.  You then fall into a lie or trap -- one that defeats you, and prevents you from becoming your covenant self."  This, once again, is justifiability.  Because the other person is or does something that we judge to be wrong or that we don't like we think that means we are justified to do whatever we want to them.  You may have noticed that those responses are most often negative.  And what you may not see is the fact that they do not work.  You may influence others for good or bad but you do not have the power to change them.  That lies within themselves.

This brings us to the next part of change, what we can change.  The one thing in life that you will always have the ability to change is yourself.  Again I quote Dr. Steed, "The above model suggests that the one thing you can clearly control is your own response to whatever life's challenges bring to you.  If, in your response to those challenges, you choose to remain true to your own best self, true to your own set of values, you will gain a sense of mastery, a sense of control over your own ability to determine--not what life will bring to you--but how you will choose to respond to that problem or issue."  The key then is to act upon yourself.  Spend your energy on what lies within your power to change, your actions, your responses, yourself.

A very good example is the story of how I got my nickname, Dewey.  In the summer after I was in the ninth grade my brother Jerry and I went to work on a flower bulb farm in Sumner, Washington.  The work was hot and hard and boring.  We would come home each day very tired and covered in dirt.  After two weeks I was promoted from working in the fields on the bulb diggers to the trucks.  On the trucks we would take the empty wooden boxes out to the fields and then load the truck with full boxes and take this load of bulbs back to the warehouse to be processed.  My partner and I became good friends.  We were both big and strong and we became very good at loading and unloading the trucks.  That year we set the record for the most loads in one day.  

The next year my old partner did not return to work on the bulb farm.  I was given a new partner, who took a strong disliking to me.  I never found out why he did not like me, but the feeling soon became mutual.  I think that he was irritated that I was promoted to the trucks in my first year, something that had never happened before.  And then on top of that I had set the record for the most loads my first year.  He did everything he could think of to make me quit.  When we were introduced he made fun of my name by calling me Dewey instead of Duane.  Rather than become upset I decided to have everyone at work call me Dewey.  This made him very mad and he tried all the harder to make me quit.  I became determined to not let him get to me.  Because of our conflict we both tried to outwork each other.  We ended up setting a new record for the most loads in one day.

When he made fun of my name my normal response would have been to get back at him.  If Uncle Jerry had done that I would have let him have it.  For some reason though I decided to make a positive out of the situation rather than react negatively.  Now I am not able to remember that person's name, but the nickname Dewey is still with me today.  It has become one of my little treasures.  I really enjoy hearing one of my nieces or nephews call me Uncle Dewey.  Something that might have been an insult to me became a blessing because I responded by changing myself and not the other person.

I do not know of any easy ways to do this though.  It is the most natural thing in the world to look elsewhere for the source of our problems.  And often someone else will bring us a problem or a challenge.  Then because they are already the object of our scrutiny we almost automatically determine that a change should be made in them.  But as we have learned this is not our decision to make.  When faced with an obstacle like this ask yourself, "What can I do to make this situation better?"  As you consider this question it might also be appropriate to ask, "What would the Saviour have me do?"  Then when you have decided what to do work hard at it.  There is no substitution for work and most often your problems and challenges will require work on your part to reach a positive solution.  Grandma Hansen used to say, "Pray as if everything depends on Heavenly Father and work as if everything depends on you."  Try to remember if you want to make a real change you have to work as if everything depends on you and not the other person.

As you consider what action to take think again about the words of the Saviour that we read in 3rd Nephi.

"But I say unto you, that ye shall not resist evil, but whosoever shall smite thee on thy right cheek, turn to him the other also;

"And if any man will sue thee at the law and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also;

"And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.

"Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn thou not away.

"And behold it is written also, that thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy;

"But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;

"That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good."

3 Nephi 12:39-45

Perhaps as a family we should memorize this scripture and then work very hard at applying it to each other.  I suspect that if we made an honest effort at this much of the contention and frustration that we struggle with now would disappear.

But more than that, this is a commandment.  Heavenly Father expects you to act in this manner.  Remember you cannot change what other people do to you or what life might bring to you but you can choose your actions in response.  Herein lies the key to making positive changes in your life and influencing others for good.  Because you have your agency you can choose what you do.  And if what you're doing now is not working then change, you have the power to do so.  There is a better way, find it and make the change.  This is the one main thing you can change, yourself and your actions.  Consider the situation we spoke about to begin with, getting ready for church.  A couple of small changes in what you do would make all the difference in the world.  These changes might be as simple as hanging your sunday clothes up right after church or maybe making sure you have everything ready the day before, including shoes and socks.  If you think it over I'm sure some other good ideas will come to mind.  Maybe you should even make it a matter for prayer.  Then the strife and frustration that bothers us now would begin to leave and Sunday morning at our house would have more of the spirit of peace that should be here.

Before we go on to the third part of change I want to make sure you clearly understand the other parts that we have talked about.  First, you cannot change other people.  You can influence them but they must make any real change themselves.  That means you cannot make one of your teachers change to an easier book just because you don't like to read.  There are other things in life that you also cannot control, the sun will come up tomorrow whether you like it or not.  Next and most importantly please completely understand you can change yourself.  You do not have to do what you always have in a given situation.  Think it over and make a change if needed.  You do not need to be satisfied with the way you are now, you can rise above your circumstances by choosing to make a change.  And just because someone does something to you does not mean you have to do the same thing back.  Remember, that is the law of justifiability and Heavenly Father expects you to live by a higher law, personal responsibility.  Focus on yourself and have the courage to make those changes in your life that will help you to be happy and will bring you back to Heavenly Father.

Finally, we need to talk about those things that only Heavenly Father can change.  These are what we consider to be miracles, situations where without the help of our Father in Heaven we are powerless to fix what is wrong.  It may be something as simple as finding lost keys or as significant as being healed of a life threatening injury or illness.  It may be something as eternally important as mending a broken heart.  While these things take Heavenly Father's help, they also require effort on our part.  It may be only the faith necessary to pray or the faith to work out some things on our own.  This is where the saying of Grandma Hansen's is particularly true, "Pray as if everything depends on Heavenly Father and work as if everything depends on you."  Again the emphasis must be on you for Heavenly Father will not bless us  until we do our part.

One such experience for me came just before we adopted Tessa, Matt, and Jenny.  When we found out that we could adopt the three of you into our family Mom was very excited.  I however was very unsure about whether this was the right thing to do.  I cared very much for the three of you but I didn't feel the same way about you three as I did about you who were born naturally to us, Melissa, Nick, Micah, and Kelly, and I didn't know if I ever could.  I did not want to adopt the three of you if I couldn't feel the same about all of you kids.  I felt that it wouldn't be fair to any of you.

I worked very hard at it but it just didn't come.  I spent hours praying about it but nothing happened.  The time was getting close when we had to decide one way or another.  If we didn't go ahead with the adoption they were going to move the three of you to another foster home and I still didn't feel any different.  Then one night I prayed about it again and went to bed.  In the morning I had a wonderful experience.  It was as if Heavenly Father was speaking to me.  He told me that He had heard my prayers and that He understood why I felt the way I did.  He told me that we should go ahead with the adoption and that He would change my feelings.  From that point on I have felt the same about all of you and while the circumstances of your entries into our family are different I love each of you very much.

This miracle has been a great blessing to our family.  There will be many times in your life when you will need Heavenly Father to change something for the better for you and if you are faithful the miracles will come.  There are two things to remember about these changes.  First, we must do our part, whatever that might be.  These blessings will come only after we exercise our faith not before.  Second, Heavenly Father knows what is best for us and He decides what change will be made.  Sometimes because of our limited perspective we may feel that a miracle has not occurred when in fact it has.  Because I have Lou Gehrig's disease our family needs Heavenly Father to make a change that only He can make.  As has been the case from the beginning I believe it will be that I will be healed and return to normal health.  Because of my faith in the Saviour I have great hope that this will happen but the miracle in our lives may be altogether different.  It may be that Heavenly Father will bless us to all be ready when the time comes for me to pass through the veil to the next life.  Both will be miracles and we should be thankful for whichever one comes our way.

Finally, there is one more change that only comes from Heavenly Father.  It is beautifully expressed in this scripture.

"Therefore they were called after this holy order, and were sanctified, and their garments were washed white through the blood of the Lamb.

"Now they, after being sanctified by the Holy Ghost, having their garments made white, being pure and spotless before God, could not look upon sin save it were with abhorrence; and there were many, exceedingly great many, who were made pure and entered into the rest of the Lord their God.

"And now, my brethren, I would that ye should humble yourselves before God, and bring forth fruit meet for repentance, that ye may also enter into that rest.

Alma 13:11‑13

Through the atonement of Christ Heavenly Father has made it possible for us to become clean.  This is the greatest miracle that can come to us in life.  It depends on two principles of the gospel, the first is agency.  Like all miracles we must first do our part, we must "humble ourselves before God, and bring forth fruit meet for repentance."  This is why being able to change is so important.  Without this ability we cannot repent and returning to live with our Heavenly Father would be forever out of our reach.

The other principle that this miracle depends on is the atonement.  With all that we might do we would still fall short.  We need the Saviour to make up the difference.  He has done that by paying the price for our sins, suffering so we wouldn't have to.  Then He offers this miracle as a gift to all who will repent.  Consider the magnitude of His offer.  All of your sins can be "washed white through the blood of the Lamb."  You can become "pure and spotless before God."  Then you can return to live with your Heavenly Father.  So I ask, "Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?" (Alma 5:14)

All of these blessings we have talked about have one thing in common.  They require genuine change on your part.  Please make the effort to experiment with changing your life.  Choose one thing in your life that you are unhappy with and make a change in your response to this problem.  Go to your Heavenly Father in prayer about your problem even if it is only a small one.  Decide what to do differently, then do it.  Keep at it long enough to make a  difference.  When you have that under control move on to another problem.  I promise you that if you learn this skill it will become a great blessing in your life.  Love Dad.

                                                   YOU CAN DO THIS

Throughout your life you will face obstacles of one kind or another.  As I have grown older one thing I have learned is that we always have problems.  When you overcome one set of problems a whole bunch of new ones show up.  I imagine that they are part of the test that this life is supposed to be.  When I was young I  felt that if my mom or dad should ever die the world would come to an end.  Well, when grandpa died a few years ago the world did not stop.  It was one of the hardest obstacles I have had to face but I got through it.  When life gets rough remember that I made it through that very difficult experience and you will too.

Lately, as this illness has progressed, my life has become one obstacle after another.  They most often take the form of things that I can no longer do.   They range from singing to being able to dress myself.  As these obstacles have come up I have been forced to approach them with a little bit different attitude.  This has led me to a motto that I live by now.  It is "One way or another."  To show you what I mean consider my walking.  In the beginning of the illness I didn't have any problem with it at all but after awhile I began to stumble and fall.  I started using a cane.  I hated it at first but it made it possible for me to walk safely and I became very thankful to have it.  Eventually the cane was replaced with a walker and now the walker is giving way to a wheelchair.  All these things have made it possible for me to get around.  And "one way or another" I will continue to get around no matter what might happen.

As these obstacles come up in your life you have a choice in how you respond to them.  You may make them into a stumbling block or a stepping stone, it's up to you.  Heavenly Father allows obstacles to come to us so that we might grow more like Him as we stretch ourselves to overcome them.  In this way they become a stepping stone in our eternal progression.  Listen to what Elder Richard G. Scott said in the April 1996 general conference.  "You are one of the noblest of God's creations.  His intent is that your life be gloriously beautiful regardless of your circumstances.  As you are grateful and obedient, you can become all that God intends you to be.    Sadness, disappointment, severe challenge are events in life, not life itself. I do not minimize how hard some of these events are.  They can extend over a long period of time, but they should not be allowed to become the confining center of everything you do.  The Lord inspired Lehi to declare the fundamental truth, "Men are, that they might have joy".  That is a conditional statement: "they might have joy."  It is not conditional for the Lord, His intent is that each of us find joy.  It will not be conditional for you as you obey the commandments, have faith in the Master, and do the things that are necessary to have joy here on earth."(Richard G. Scott May 1996 Ensign p. 24)  Do not let the obstacles you face become a stumbling block for you.  Rather find a way, with the help of the Lord, to overcome your obstacles and make them into a stepping stone to happiness.

Right now you are faced with an event, me being terminally ill, that I'm sure Elder Scott would classify as a "severe challenge."  And if I do not recover you will be faced with another "severe challenge" before too long.  I want to help you make these events into stepping stones by teaching you some ways to overcome obstacles.  The first lesson comes from Africa.  How do you eat an elephant?  The answer is in the scriptures, in 2 Nephi 28:30 it says, "For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have."  That's how you eat an elephant, "here a little and there a little", one bite at a time.  And that's how you handle all obstacles, one little bit at a time.  Not the whole thing at once.  Always remember the elephant and you will be able to overcome whatever life might bring to you.

The one main quality you need to gain in your life to overcome the obstacles that will come to you is faith.  Faith in yourself, a confidence that you can do whatever might be necessary to deal with your challenges.  And you need faith in the Saviour, a trust that He will help you through whatever might befall you.  Now I do not pretend to be an authority on faith, but I will share a little of what I do know with you.  If you feel a desire to learn more go to the scriptures or the teachings of the General Authorities or to Heavenly Father in prayer.

To me one of the greatest examples we have of faith from the scriptures is Nephi.  Every time he was asked by the Lord to do something he was obedient.  He didn't murmur or complain that it was too hard but rather he immediately set to work to accomplish the tasks given to him.  Consider a few experiences from his life.  The first one is going after the brass plates.

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, returned from speaking with the Lord, to the tent of my father.

"And it came to pass that he spake unto me, saying: Behold I have dreamed a dream, in the which the Lord hath commanded me that thou and thy brethren shall return to Jerusalem.

"For behold, Laban hath the record of the Jews and also a genealogy of my forefathers, and they are engraven upon plates of brass.

"Wherefore, the Lord hath commanded me that thou and thy brothers should go unto the house of Laban, and seek the records, and bring them down hither into the wilderness.

"And now, behold thy brothers murmur, saying it is a hard thing which I have required of them; but behold I have not required it of them, but it is a commandment of the Lord."

1 Nephi 3:1‑5

Nephi and his brothers went back to Jerusalem after the plates but failed in their first attempts to acquire them.  When his brothers became discouraged and wanted to return without the plates this was Nephi's reply.

"But behold I said unto them that: As the Lord liveth, and as we live, we will not go down unto our father in the wilderness until we have accomplished the thing which the Lord hath commanded us. 

"Wherefore, let us be faithful in keeping the commandments of the Lord."

1 Nephi 3:15‑16

He was determined to be successful in doing what the Lord asked of him.

The next event occurred when Nephi was hunting for food.  He broke his bow.  This was a major problem for his family because Nephi's bow was the only one that stilled worked at this point in their journey.  Their situation became desperate because they were no longer able to get any food.  Everyone began to complain, even his father, Lehi.  Nephi's response was different.  Listen to what he did.

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, did make out of wood a bow, and out of a straight stick, an arrow; wherefore, I did arm myself with a bow and an arrow, with a sling and with stones.  And I said unto my father: Whither shall I go to obtain food?

"And it came to pass that he did inquire of the Lord, for they had humbled themselves because of my words; for I did say many things unto them in the energy of my soul."

1 Nephi 16:23-24

He did his best to come up with a solution for the problem and then he went to the Lord for the additional help he needed.  He did his part and then relied upon Heavenly Father's blessings for the rest.

The final example is when the Lord commands Nephi to build a ship.  His brothers murmur and complain about it and then they even mock Nephi calling him a fool for believing he could build a ship.  After a very strong reprimand from Heavenly Father Nephi told them this.

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto them that they should murmur no more against their father; neither should they withhold their labor from me, for God had commanded me that I should build a ship.

"And I said unto them: If God had commanded me to do all things I could do them.  If he should command me that I should say unto this water, be thou earth, it should be earth; and if I should say it, it would be done.

"And now, if the Lord has such great power, and has wrought so many miracles among the children of men, how is it that he cannot instruct me, that I should build a ship?"

1 Nephi 17:49‑51

Nephi's faith is so strong now that he knows that he can do anything that Heavenly Father might ask of him.  He got to this point by doing two things.  First, he learned by experience.  When Heavenly Father asked him to do something he did it and as he did the Lord helped him accomplish these tasks.  Nephi realized that he was successful because of the blessings he was receiving.  He learned to rely upon the Lord to help him.  He found out for himself that Christ was there for him and that all things are possible with the help of the Lord.

The other thing Nephi did was to obey the commandments.  Nephi knew that he could not expect Heavenly Father to bless him unless he was willing to live as Heavenly Father has asked us to.  The first step in gaining faith is obedience to the commandments.  Part of that is knowing that Heavenly Father will help us be obedient.  That was the basis for Nephi's faith.  He put it this way.

"And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."

1 Nephi 3:7

As we talk about faith and overcoming obstacles remember Nephi's example, both these we have talked about and the many others in the Book of Mormon.  Heavenly Father put them there to show you how to learn to have faith.

In the bible dictionary faith is defined as "hope for things which are not seen, but which are true (Heb.  11:1; Alma 32:21).  To have faith is to have confidence in something or someone."

It continues, "All true faith must be based upon correct knowledge or it cannot produce the desired results.  Faith in Jesus Christ is the first principle of the gospel and is more than belief, since true faith always moves its possessor to some kind of physical and mental action; it carries an assurance of the fulfillment of the things hoped for."  Faith, then, is a belief in something or someone strong enough to motivate you to do something.  And it must be based on the truth or it will not work.

As we discuss faith I think the first thing you need to know is that it comes as a blessing from Heavenly Father.  Like all blessings you need to ask Heavenly Father for the blessing of faith specifically.  Go to Him humbly in prayer and ask for the faith you need to meet the challenges that you face whether they be great or small.  As you do remember what Nephi said, "the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."(1 Nephi 3:7)  We have been commanded to have faith and Heavenly Father will help you develop it, but you have to ask.

Next, you need to know that faith comes a little bit at a time and not all at once.  It is an on-going process and you have to start at the beginning.  The best scripture about this is Alma 32 from the Book of Mormon.  In verse 21 it says, "And now as I said concerning faith‑‑faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true."  This is the beginning, you do not know for sure about whatever it may be but you hope for it.  To exercise faith you cannot know, you must move forward because you trust that whatever it might be is true.  This is the very nature of faith, action based on trust.

Verse 27 tells us how to begin the process of gaining faith, "But behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words."  So first find something to experiment with.  You may choose a principle like tithing or the word of wisdom or even something as simple as one of the ways to overcome obstacles that I will teach you in a little bit.  A very good thing to start with is the Book of Mormon because it will provide such a strong foundation on which to build.  Remember this must be something that you believe to be true or it will not work.

We are told what to do next in verse 28, "Now, we will compare the word unto a seed."  Think of the word spoken of here as whatever it is that you have decided to experiment with.  Verse 28 continues, "Now, if ye give place, that a seed may be planted in your heart, behold, if it be a true seed, or a good seed, if ye do not cast it out by your unbelief, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, it will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourselves‑‑It must needs be that this is a good seed, or that the word is good, for it beginneth to enlarge my soul; yea, it beginneth to enlighten my understanding, yea, it beginneth to be delicious to me."  What this means is that you do whatever it is that you have chosen to experiment with.  For instance if tithing is what you are experimenting with then you pay your tithing.  And you cannot go at it half-hearted.  You will not receive the promised blessings for paying nine percent of your income.  After you have exercised your faith by doing then the promised blessing or result will occur.  When it does your faith will be stronger.  In verse 29 we read, "Now behold, would not this increase your faith?  I say unto you, Yea; nevertheless it hath not grown up to a perfect knowledge."

There is much more in Alma 32 that you should read but I will finish here with verse 40 through 43.

"And thus, if ye will not nourish the word, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of the tree of life.

"But if ye will nourish the word, yea, nourish the tree as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be a tree springing up unto everlasting life.

"And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.

"Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long‑suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you."

Alma 32:40‑43

First, remember that this was just an experiment in faith.  And even though your faith is stronger after the experiment you are still at the beginning of developing faith.  Just like anything else you must continue exercising your faith for it to grow strong.  If you stop now you will not only not get stronger but you will also lose what you already have.  If you quit paying tithing the blessings will not continue and you may even come to doubt that they were ever there.  Just like a seed that has sprouted if you don't take care of it it will whither away and die.

Remember I said that faith comes a little bit at a time and that it is not a one time thing but an on-going process.  In the last scripture we read we are told that we need to use great diligence and patience in nourishing the word.  The experiment done over and over is this process.  When you receive a blessing from paying tithing it strengthens your faith and then paying tithing is easier the next time.  As you continue you receive more and more blessings.  Your faith grows stronger and if you continue with diligence and patience eventually your faith in the law of tithing will become unshakable.

As your faith begins to grow from the process we have talked about it becomes easier to try the experiment on another principle.  As you receive blessings from exercising your faith again it becomes stronger again.  The next experiment is easier still.  As you continue the process with great diligence and patience your faith will become strong enough that you will know, just like Nephi, that you can do whatever Heavenly Father might ask of you.  This is how Nephi learned by experience.  As you continue you will be doing the two things that built the great faith that Nephi had.  You will be learning by experience and you will be obeying the commandments.  As you do these things remember the elephant and one little bit at a time you will build a faith that will see you through the struggles of life and return you to your Heavenly Father.

Another important part of faith is being firm in your beliefs.  You must make a decision and then take a stand based upon that decision.  The law of tithing is a commandment of God and therefore you choose, because of your faith, to obey it no matter what.  This is what Nephi did when he and his brothers went after the brass plates.  Even though they failed in their first attempts Nephi would not return until they were successful.  This point is emphasized in James 1:5-6.

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 

"But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering.  For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."

James 1:1‑6

Faith and doubt are opposites.  When you act in faith it removes confusion and doubt from your life.  You know what to do because of the trust you have in Heavenly Father.  You make decisions about what to do based on what you know and believe to be true not on your circumstances.  And then you do it.

It is very much like a sailboat.  The gospel is the map that tells you which direction to go.  The wind and the waves are the circumstances of your life, the obstacles and struggles you will face.  Faith is when you take hold of the rudder and determine the direction you will sail.  Without that determined effort on your part your life will be, as the last scripture described, "driven with the wind and tossed."  In order for you to have faith you must make a decision and take whatever action that decision prompts you to do.

Finally, I want to talk about something that happens when we have faith.  The first thing that will happen because of your faith is that you will have hope.  Hope is one of the blessings Heavenly Father gives us because of our faith.  In the Book of Mormon we are told that "hope cometh of faith."

"Wherefore, whoso believeth in God might with surety hope for a better world, yea, even a place at the right hand of God, which hope cometh of faith, maketh an anchor to the souls of men, which would make them sure and steadfast, always abounding in good works, being led to glorify God."

Ether 12:4

The world looks upon my situation as hopeless.  To them having a terminal illness such as mine is one of the worst things that could  happen to someone.  Many if put in my place would feel that their life was over.  But things have been very different for me.  Soon after I found out that I had Lou Gehrig's disease I received a very powerful priesthood blessing through which I felt impressed that I would recover.  Because of the faith I have in that blessing and the answers to prayer that I have received my life is filled with hope.  I fully expect to get better even though everything seems to indicate that I won't.  Because of this hope that I have I have been able to focus more on what is good in my life than what is bad.  Even with all the bad things this illness brings to me I still enjoy life and all the wonderful blessings that come my way.

As we finish speaking about faith let me quickly remind you of what we talked about.  We learned that you need faith, both in yourself and in the Saviour, to overcome obstacles.  We talked about Nephi and the great example of faith that he is.  We found that faith comes as a blessing and that you have to ask for it.  We learned that gaining strong faith is a process and that it comes a little bit at a time.  That an experiment on principle done over and over is that process.  We learned that to have faith you must make a decision about which direction your life will take, based on truth, and then make a determined effort to live accordingly.  And finally that when we use our faith we are blessed with hope.  Moroni tells us more about that, "Wherefore, if a man have faith he must needs have hope; for without faith there cannot be any hope."(Moroni 7:42)  Please know that I have faith in each of you.  I hope these things will help you overcome the obstacles you will face in life.  I am confident they will.

As obstacles come to you I want you to know that there are many ways to overcome them and that with the help of the Saviour you can overcome all things.  I want to share with you now a few of those ways to overcome obstacles.  First, please know that I have a great faith in each of you.  I believe you will be successful in life because I know who you are, a child of God.  More than that you are, each one of you, among the most valiant of Heavenly Father's children.  I remind you of what Elder Scott said, "You are one of the noblest of God's creations."(Richard G. Scott May 1996 Ensign p. 24)  You have come to the earth at this time because of who you are.  Heavenly Father saved the very best of His children to be born now because He knew that they could handle the obstacles and challenges they would face.  You are part of that group.  Your Heavenly Father has great faith in you.  As you learn more and more who you are it will become a great strength for you.

As one of Heavenly Father's children you have been blessed with a number of strengths.  As a mortal you also have some weaknesses.  It may be easier to recognize your personal weaknesses rather than your strengths.  That's ok.  Listen to what Heavenly Father says about that.

"And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness.  I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Ether 12:27

Heavenly Father allows us to have weaknesses for two reasons.  First, so that we will be humble.  We all need to realize that we cannot handle everything all by ourselves.  We need each other to make it through life and we absolutely need the Saviour.  When we recognize that we have that need for others and the Saviour we begin to be humble.  If we let them help us then we are humble.

Being humble leads us to the other reason we have weaknesses.  We learn from the last line of the scripture what that reason is, "then will I make weak things become strong unto them."  You see, it's alright to have weaknesses because with the help of the Lord they can become strengths.  It is not ok, however, to do nothing about them.  Weaknesses are just one kind of obstacle and like all other obstacles they can be overcome.  The Saviour is waiting to help you build them into strengths so take advantage of them.  Use them to make yourself stronger.

I mentioned that each of you has also been blessed with a number of strengths.  Other words for these are abilities, gifts, or talents.  They may not be readily apparent to you and they are more than likely not polished yet.  The first thing you need to know is that these are blessings from your Father in Heaven and you have them so that you can help other people.  Also you should know that they can be taken from you at any time.  Just as you are supposed to turn your weaknesses into strengths you should also work at refining your strengths.

In Matthew 25:14‑30 Jesus tells us the parable of the talents.  The main part of the story tells about three servants who each received a number of talents from their lord.  The first servant received five talents, the second received two talents, and the last servant was given one.  The first two servants worked hard and both doubled the number of talents they had.  The last servant, however, buried his talent and did nothing with it.  When the lord returned he rewarded the first two servants for their diligence but to the last servant he said this,

"Thou wicked and slothful servant, ...

"Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents.

"For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath."

Matthew 25:26,28-29

I know, in part, how the last servant must have felt.  One of my strong talents was singing and while I did quite a bit with it there was so much more that I could have done.  Now this illness I have has taken my voice from me and I am left with some regrets.  Work hard at finding what your strengths are and then refine them.  Heavenly Father has given these blessings to you to help you overcome the specific obstacles you will face.  He knew beforehand what weaknesses, strengths, experiences, and blessings you need to be successful in life and He will give them to you when the time is right.  It is up to you to make the most of them.

Perhaps the first step in overcoming obstacles is to plan how you will do it.  Someone once said, "If you don't know where you are going any road will get you there."  Decide beforehand where you are going and what you need to do to get there.  Think things out and set goals before you rush in.  If you don't you may find  that when get where you're going that you need something you left behind.  So make a plan and then stick to it.

The next method for overcoming obstacles is the one I mentioned at the very beginning and it may also be the most important one.  Read again from 2nd Nephi.

"For behold, thus saith the Lord God: I will give unto the children of men line upon line, precept upon precept, here a little and there a little; and blessed are those who hearken unto my precepts, and lend an ear unto my counsel, for they shall learn wisdom; for unto him that receiveth I will give more; and from them that shall say, We have enough, from them shall be taken away even that which they have."

2 Nephi 28:30

Put very simply this means one step at a time.  This is the same way you eat an elephant, "here a little and there a little."  Any obstacle viewed as a whole may appear overwhelming but broken down to individual steps it becomes easy.  This is true of any challenge you may face.  This is the way I am writing this book to you, a little bit at a time.  Each day I manage to write about 265 words, less than one page.  To put that in perspective, before I became ill that would have taken me six minutes to type.  Even with this small amount I have filled over a hundred pages, no small task.  I am also certain that, a little bit at a time, I will finish this project.  So remember you don't have to handle it all at once just one step at a time.

The next way to overcome obstacles is one that has served me well.  It is repetition.  Some obstacles you will face will require you to do one or more things well.  To get an A in your high school algebra class you must know the distributive law for multiplication.  The only way to learn it well is to use it in different problems over and over until you have it committed to memory.  Then every once in a while you must review it, more repetition, or you will forget it.  Repetition is how Jeff Hornacek learned to shoot a basketball so well.  It is how John Denver learned to play the guitar as well as he does.  Some things can be learned in no other way.

At the same time some tasks can only be accomplished by repetition.  Repeated effort on your part will be needed to become successful at whatever you choose to do with your life.  Much of having a job is doing the same thing day after day.  Also as you become more mature you will come to realize that being a responsible adult requires you to be disciplined enough to do the necessary burdens repeatedly.  You weed a garden by pulling one weed and then the next one and then the next.  One step repeated again and again will carry you up a mountain or to the end of a marathon.  The step of prayer taken every day will guide you through life safely.  Almost every obstacle you will face in life will compel you to use repetition.  Learn to enjoy it by making it work for you.

Next in line is hard work.  There is no substitute for work!  Many people spend their life looking for shortcuts where there are none.  In fact in my experience there are very few real shortcuts.  In the mission field tracting was considered to be hard work, at least to me it was.  Yet by the end of my mission I was enjoying it, maybe because I had been more successful tracting than by any other method for finding people to teach.  The same thing became true for me of almost all hard work, I have come to enjoy it.  It is one of the things I miss the most now that I am sick and unable to work any more.  When you are faced with an obstacle decide what needs to be done and then work hard at it.  One of the greatest traits you can gain in life is to become a hard worker.  Many of the obstacles that will come to you need only a little hard work applied to them for you to handle them.  Some will require you to work hard and all of them will benefit from a little effort on your part.

As you work hard you may find that what you are doing does not work.  When this happens use my motto, "One way or another."  This is what Nephi did when he and his brothers went after the brass plates.  Their first attempt failed so they thought of another way to try.  When that didn't work Nephi tried again and was successful.  You may find that you need to change what you're doing a little bit or maybe you need to do it altogether different.  Whatever the challenge remember if not one way then another you will be able to do it.

There is a scripture that illustrates my next thought.

"And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain.

"Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn thou not away.

"And behold it is written also, that thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy;

"But behold I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;

"That ye may be the children of your Father who is in heaven; for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good."

3 Nephi 12:41‑45

I would hope that you would all apply this scripture to your brothers and sisters.  Please help each other!  The time will come when you will need each others help.  If I do not recover you all will face a challenge that will be easier to handle together.  Each of you have talents and abilities that could be of great benefit to each other if you would just take a little time to help one another.  And whether you believe it or not you need each other.  You can accomplish so much more together than on your own and the obstacles that will come to you will be easier to handle if there is someone working with you on them.  So please help each other!

For the next means available to you we return to the example of Nephi.  After everything they could think of failed to gain the brass plates Nephi made one more attempt.  As he did these were his thoughts, "And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do."(1 Nephi 4:6)  This time he was successful because he followed the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  In the same way the Spirit helped Nephi accomplish that task He will also help you.  There are two things you must do to receive His help.  First, you must obey the commandments.  Then you must ask, in prayer, for the Holy Ghost to be with you.  This is, perhaps, the most powerful method that there is for overcoming obstacles because this is how you learn from Heavenly Father how to handle the challenges in front of you.

Another skill that will help is enduring to the end.  Most rewards in life come only after you complete the whole course.  Even though one team may score more points at the beginning of a basketball game than their opponent they will not win unless they keep it up till the end.  You don't win a race by being ahead half way through the race, you must finish the race that way.  When you get a job you will find that won't get paid for hours that you don't work.  In fact, on some jobs you don't get paid unless you finish the job, even if you do the majority of the work.  Often the same will be true of the obstacles you will face.  You might do almost everything necessary but still fail because you did not  complete the course.  We are told in scripture that the greatest of all rewards comes only when we endure to the end.

"And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God."

D&C 14:7

So learn to not give up.  And when it gets hard remember the example I am trying to set for you because I will not give up.

Now I want to return again to Nephi's example, remember he said, "the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them."(1 Nephi 3:7)  If we are doing what Heavenly Father wants us to then He will provide the way for us to overcome the obstacles we face.  In Doctrine & Covenants 82:10 we are told, "I, the Lord, am bound when ye do what I say; but when ye do not what I say, ye have no promise."  These two scriptures together tell us that when we are doing what Heavenly Father tells us to then He is bound to provide a way for us.  This does not mean that He will do it for us or that the way will be easy. It will, however, be the best for us even if it is very hard.

Near the end of my mission I was sent, along with Elder Connell Peterson, to open a new area on the southern coast of Nataal in a town called Port Shepstone.  It was a very beautiful area to work in with the Indian ocean almost always in view.  We were very enthusiastic and worked very hard but had no success.  I was becoming frustrated so I went to Heavenly Father in prayer.  I told Him that I knew that President Thorn was called by Heavenly Father to lead our mission and that he would only send us to Port Shepstone if he had been inspired to do so.  To me that meant that there were people here to teach, we just hadn't found them yet.  I reminded Heavenly Father that we had been working very hard and would continue but that without His help we might never find the people He had sent us there to teach.  I pleaded with Him to inspire us in where we went and what we did.  I promised that we would do our best to do what we were prompted to do.

The next day, while tracting, we made several appointments to return and teach.  Two of those families were baptized.  One of the sweetest experiences of my mission happened when we went to the Lezaar's, one of those families, to teach a family home evening lesson.  Brother and Sister Lezaar gathered their ten children around us and we began.  As we told a story about honesty the Spirit settled upon everyone in the room.  We had everyone's attention and I knew at that point that this wonderful family would join the church.  Now I do not claim any credit for this at all.  Without Heavenly Father's help we would have failed to find these people and we would have been unsuccessful with this challenge.  Remember to always ask for your Heavenly Father's help or you may find yourself failing at something very important to you.

Finally, the last thing I want you to know about overcoming obstacles is that with the Saviour all things are possible.  We have, on one of our walls, a picture of Christ walking on the water.  The waves are high and it looks like an impossible task, yet both Jesus and Peter did it.  The story is told in Matthew 14:22‑33.  When Peter saw Jesus walking on the water he wanted to try.  At first it worked but read what happened when Peter took his eyes off of the Saviour.

"But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

"And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

"And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased. 

"Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God."

Matthew 14:30‑33

When Peter turned his attention away from Christ he immediately began to fail.

Only when he again asked for the Saviour's help was Peter able rise above the waves.  The same is true for you also, only when you turn to Christ will you be able to overcome all of the obstacles you will face.  And the most important obstacle before you, finding your way back to your Father in Heaven, can be accomplished in no other way.  There is no challenge, obstacle, or hardship that Christ cannot help you through.  Listen to His invitation.

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace.  In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."

John 16:33

He has already faced every obstacle that might come to you in life and has conquered them all.  He waiting to help you do the same, all you have to do is ask.  Please do!

Well, I've gone on longer than I planned but these things will help if you use them.  I wish that I could be there to help you handle the difficulties that will come to you but even if I was not ill I wouldn't always be there for you.  Besides, it's really better if I'm not.  You need the experiences and struggles yourself to develop faith and become like Heavenly Father.  The best thing I can do for you is teach you how to handle the hard things on your own and then have faith in you.  Well, the things I've taught you here will see you through any challenge if you use them and truly rely upon Christ.  And I especially want you to understand that I know you can do it.  You are great people and can handle whatever life might throw at you.  So now it's up to you.  Love, Dad.

                                                    YOUR FEELINGS

I was raised in large part after, as I call it, the John Wayne tradition.  We were taught to be tough and to handle any pain without a whole lot of complaining.  I think that we watched every John Wayne movie at least ten times and some of them a whole lot more than that.  I did my best to emulate his style.  He was big and strong so I worked hard to become bigger and stronger than anyone that I knew.  He would fight for what he believed to be right so I did too, if someone gave me what I thought was good enough reason.  He seldom expressed his feelings so I learned to keep mine to myself.  I assumed that, most of the time, people knew how I felt.  I was wrong.  Now I do not want you to think that I hold any hard feelings about growing up with this tradition, I don't.  One of my fondest memories of my dad is when we would watch a John Wayne movie together.  My regret about it is that I didn't learn to express my feelings better, especially to the people who are most important to me.  I'm afraid that my family rarely heard how important they are to me and why.  I fear that I do the same thing with you kids and Mom.  I'm sorry.

When Grandma Hansen died the funeral was held where she had lived the last half of her life, in Nyssa, Oregon.  Normally, whenever we would travel to Nyssa we would stay at grandma's house.  This time, however, with all of grandma's kids and grandkids there that was not possible.  As luck would have it, though, one of my missionary companions, Elder Peterson, lived in Nyssa.  His mom and dad, who also lived there, were on vacation and out of the goodness of his heart Elder Peterson offered their home to my family while we were in Nyssa.  There was enough room for all of my family, me and Mom, grandma and grandpa, and all of your aunts and uncles, to stay there.  This was the first time in a long time that we were all together in one place.  And as we would learn a short time later it was also the last time we would have that opportunity in this life.

Elder Peterson was a very gracious host and we had a wonderful evening together the night before the funeral.  We had Elder Peterson take pictures of us all together then we spent the evening snacking and talking well into the night.  I had several opportunities to take my father aside and tell him how important he was to me.  I would have told him how much I enjoyed being his son and that I was very proud of him.  I would have thanked him for all he did for me and for the sacrifices he made for me.  I would have told him that he was a great father and that I loved him.  But I didn't.  I should have though because I needed to tell him and he needed to hear it.  One month later he died and I am left wishing that I had shared my feelings with him.  I will always be grateful to Elder Peterson for making it possible for my family to have that special time together.  It was a wonderful blessing from Heavenly Father not luck.

I want to tell you how I felt when I found out that I had Lou Gehrig's disease.  I felt a whole bunch of things all at once, I was shocked, relieved, afraid, sad, disappointed, frustrated, and angry.  I was shocked to find out that I had a terminal illness.  This was not what I was expecting to hear.  I was relieved to finally know what was wrong with me.  One of the very hardest parts of this disease was feeling that I was dying and no-one could tell me what was wrong with me.  I was afraid both of dying and of what might happen to me before I did.  I was sad that I might die before all of you grew up and that I might leave Mom a widow.  I was disappointed that now that we knew what was wrong there was apparently nothing we could do about it.  I was frustrated that there was and would be so many things that I would never be able to do again.  And finally, I was angry that such a terrible thing was happening to me and my family.  I tell you these things so you will understand that while Mom and I don't know exactly how you feel we can relate to what you are going through.  And more importantly we can help you handle them if you will let us.

So now let's talk about your feelings.  I won't pretend to know everything that you must be feeling to have your dad dying, I can only imagine.  It must be a lot like how I felt when grandpa died.  When I was a teenager there was a mean joke that we used to play on one another.  We would walk up to someone with a box of doughnuts in our hand and ask if they wanted a doughnut.  If they said yes we would hit them in the arm as hard as we could and then say, "hurts don't it?"  That's how I felt when grandpa died, it hurt and sometimes it still does.  I suspect that you feel much the same, it hurts to see me struggle as I lose more and more the ability to take care of myself.  I imagine it hurts to see me suffer the physical pain that often comes to me.  I think it undoubtedly must hurt to know that I may soon die.  Plain and simple it just hurts don't it?

Besides hurting there are probably a lot of other feelings inside of you.  Sometimes you may be confused and not know for sure what you are feeing.  Do not feel bad about that, when feelings are strong it is often hard to separate them.  They seem to all run together and it's hard to know whether you are angry, hurting, or what.  You may be like my cousin Tim.  He and I have always been friends and watched out for each other.  When he found out about my illness he said he wanted to punch someone but didn't know who.  You may be very angry or upset about me being so ill and not know who or what to blame.  Often when this happens someone will do something to annoy us and we explode.  We direct all the anger or hurt we have inside us at this person even though what they did was not that big of a deal.  A big part of handling your feelings appropriately is learning to recognize the difference between them and where they come from.  Only then will you be able to know what to do about them.

As you sort out what you are feeling you may find some unexpected feelings among the obvious ones that go with this situation.  You may be angry at me for being sick, I can understand that.  There are so many things that are different for you because of my illness.  I have not been able to go to your band concerts, parent-teacher conferences, basketball games, daddy-daughter dates, father and sons outings, and all trips we used to take.  I am sure there are many other activities for you that have been taken away by this illness.  It would be very hard not to feel at least some resentment about that.  It may seem that you are not as important to me as this illness is.  I want you to know that is not true.  But just saying so may not convince you.  Maybe it would help you to know that I also resent losing these things.  The one I miss the most is taking you out to dinner for your birthdays, I really enjoyed the time we spent together that way.

Another unexpected feeling I want to prepare you for is when I die you may feel relief, that's alright.  I give you permission, in advance, to feel that way.  This illness has been a tremendous burden on all of you.  Everyday each one of you does one or more things to help me with the necessities of life with a terminal illness.  Imagine how nice it will be to eat a meal without having to feed me or sleeping through the night without waking up at least once or twice to turn me over.  Now I'm sure that each one of you is saying to yourself that you don't mind doing all these things to help me and I'm certain that's true.  However, anyone would feel relief to have such a heavy burden lifted from their shoulders and you should also.  I do not speak of this to find fault but rather to help you to not feel guilty when this happens.  Please enjoy the rest when it comes because it will be a relief for me and I plan on enjoying it a lot.

Now I will not try to guess everything that you are or will be feeling.  And my purpose is not to tell you how to feel.  I want you to understand that this is a hard thing to go through and there will be some strong feelings along with it.  Some may be new to you and, as I have talked about, some will probably be unexpected.  You may be tough enough to handle them all by yourself or you may find yourself overwhelmed by some of them.  But most of all I want you to know that you don't have to handle them alone, there are people that love you and are willing to help.  Mom and I understand what you are going through and what you are feeling a lot more than you may realize because we are also going through it and having our own strong feelings to deal with.  Come and talk to us when you are having a hard time or just when you feel you need to talk.  If you are not comfortable with that then there are a lot of other people, grandparents, aunts and uncles, the bishop and your other church leaders, friends, and even your brothers and sisters, who can and will help you if you will let them.  So please remember you are not alone, there is someone waiting to help and Heavenly Father is always there for you.

Let's talk about feelings now, what they are, where they come from, some ways to deal with them, and who can help.  Feelings can be basically defined by three words, emotions, passions, and beliefs.  Emotions are things like anger, envy, hate, joy, love, sorrow, remorse, heartache, sadness, depression, and happiness.  Passions include appetite, desire, hunger, lust, affection, craving, obsession, infatuation, love.  Beliefs can be described by these words, convictions, doubt, opinions, pride, guilt, hope, discouragement, determination, faith, and trust.  This is just a few of the feelings we might have, there are many more.  Feelings, if you think about it, are what motivates our behavior.  If we are hungry we eat.  If we get angry we might hit someone.  If we love someone we treat them with respect and kindness.  If we have faith in Christ it may lead us to repent and keep the commandments.  Our actions come from our feelings.  So handling your feelings appropriately is one of the first steps in living as your Heavenly Father wants you to and finding true happiness in this life.

Earlier I said that a big part of handling your feelings well is learning to recognize the difference between them and where they come from.  That only then will you be able to know what to do about them.  Being able to recognize what your feelings really are takes practice.  All too often we act before we know what we are feeling, especially if the feelings are intense.  Being hurt can easily be mistaken for anger and lust often disguises itself as love.  Learn to stop and take the time necessary to know what you are feeling before you act.  That may mean removing yourself from the situation for little while.  Ask yourself what it is that makes you feel that way.  Is what you interpret as love based on a physical desire to be with the person or on a deep concern for their well-being that started with friendship?  Are you angry at someone because of what they did or is it because of what you did and not really anger at all?  Is what you are feeling guilt from what someone said to you or genuine remorse based upon self-examination?  Is it valid?  Think before you act, ask yourself what it is that causes you to have the feeling.  Do this enough times and you will become better at identifying what your feelings really are.  Then, because they are based on true feelings, your actions will be more appropriate.

Our feelings generally come from three sources.  The first of these is satan.  His only purpose in life is to see you become as miserable as he is.  He will use any means to reach that end and your feelings is one of his favorite places to work.  He uses the feelings of anger and hate, envy and lust, pride and guilt.  Three of his most useful tools are discouragement, depression, and despair.  If he can get you to have an invalid feeling you may do something that you should not.  Then, if you are not careful, he has even greater power to influence you to do wrong.  But satan has only as much power as you allow him.  For example, if you have done something wrong should you feel godly sorrow or guilt?  They are not the same.  One of them, godly sorrow, will lead you to take positive action and repent.  The invalid feeling, guilt, will not help you solve the problem, instead it will make whatever prompted the feeling worse.  I call these kind of feelings invalid because they have a negative influence and you don't have to feel that way.  They almost always come to us from the promptings of satan but you do not have to listen to him.

This brings us to the second source of your feelings, you choose them.  How many times have you said to yourself, "If he does that I'm going to be really mad" or "I will be really happy if I get this for my birthday"?  You chose, ahead of time, how you would feel if a given event happens.  The same is true of all your feelings, you choose them.  That is why satan can influence you to have invalid feelings, he cannot make you feel a particular way because you choose how you will feel.  Sometimes it appears that we have no control over some of them, that they are automatic.  That is not true.  It may be a response that you've learned from your parents or a habit that you've grown into but somewhere a choice was made to have that feeling.  Remember what Dr. Steed said, "the one thing you can clearly control is your own response to whatever life's challenges bring to you.  If, in your response to those challenges, you choose to remain true to your own best self, true to your own set of values, you will gain a sense of mastery, a sense of control over your own ability to determine--not what life will bring to you--but how you will choose to respond to that problem or issue."  Feelings are a response to an event or group of events and, as we have learned, we choose that response.

Because you can choose your feelings you can control them and change them.  When I was young I developed a very bad temper.  Most of the time I was alright but if someone did something that I considered to be bad enough I would blow up. Then I would yell and scream at whoever or whatever it was, often using obscenities.  Sometimes I would even resort to violence by hitting the object of my displeasure as hard as I could.  Once, when I did this, I ended up regretting very much the response I chose.

We had a little half-breed dachshund dog named Sam.  He was a great little dog and I loved him probably more than any dog I've owned.  One day, when I was fourteen or fifteen, a kid rode by our house on a bike and hit Sam with a fishing pole.  I was watching and became furious.  As he tried to ride past me I blocked his way, grabbed his bike, and began to yell at him.  He started to offer an explanation but I wasn't interested.  I had already chosen an invalid response and this just made me madder.  So I punched him right in the eye, a real good one.  I thought that was the end of that.  Boy, was I wrong!!

The result of my actions was most unpleasant and motivated me to change that response.  First, the police showed up and gave me a very strong lecture.  Then I had to tell my mom and dad what had happened.  But the worst of it happened next.  Everyone wanted to beat me up including that kid's cousin, a big, very strong fellow.  I was fairly certain I would probably lose a fight with him.  For awhile I was a little afraid to leave the house.  As I considered my situation I decided that fighting was not a good option simply because I couldn't beat up everyone.  Also, I began to realize that allowing myself to get that angry did not serve me well.  I decided to change.  Now I will not tell you that changing was easy, it wasn't.  It is a difficult task but it can be done.  I know because I've done it.  I almost never lose my temper and seldom get angry.

Before we talk about the last source of feelings I want say a little more about negative feelings.  Bad events will occur to you in this life and you will be enticed, sometimes very strongly, to have some negative feelings.  When this happens please stop to think about the choice you have to make right then.  Do not automatically jump into a negative feeling, there are other options available to you.  Look for a way to turn it into something positive.  You've all heard that old saying, "If someone gives you a lemon make lemonade."  This is good advise.  And in the Old Testament we read,

"For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he."

Proverbs 23:7

You do choose your feelings and you can choose a positive response to a negative event.

Read again part of Dr. Steed's statement.  "If, in your response to those challenges, you choose to remain true to your own best self, true to your own set of values, you will gain a sense of mastery, a sense of control over your own ability to determine--not what life will bring to you--but how you will choose to respond to that problem or issue."  Choosing "to remain true to your own best self, true to your own set of values" means choosing the feeling that will lead to the best behavior for you.  If someone does something that hurts you, you don't have to get mad.  You can choose instead to be firm and take action that will solve the problem rather than make it bigger.  Then, because you are choosing your response, you "gain a sense of mastery, a sense of control over your own ability to determine" what your feelings will be.  Now no-one can make you mad because you reserve that choice for yourself.  People may still do those things that used to entice you to get mad but now you are making a better choice.  Learning to do this will not come with only a little effort, you will have to work at it.  And at first you may slip up a lot.  Just remember that no-one can make you have a specific feeling, they may influence you one way or another but you make that choice.  That because you choose your feelings you can also change them and control them.  As you do this wisely you will find that you are also choosing to be happy.

Finally, let's discuss the last source of feelings.  It is all the different things that happen to us everyday.  To a large extent these are also under our control.  But at the same time some of them we have absolutely no control of.  One of the main purposes of this life is for us to have experiences.  It is through our response to these things that happen to us that we learn to be like our Heavenly Father.  They should generate in us valid feelings.  To me valid feelings are those that help us remain true to ourself and progress.  They have to meet not just one but both of these guides to be valid.  Anger, for instance, will often move us forward but seldom if ever are we able to remain true to ourself when we choose to be angry.  There is, for the most part, no way to divide feelings up ahead of time into valid or invalid.  Few of them are always one or the other.  Given a particular experience it may be valid to feel happy but it could also be an invalid feeling for a different event.

Now, as I said earlier, there will be some bad things that will happen to you in life, some of them you will even bring on yourself.  Heavenly Father allows these things to happen to us because often this is when we grow the most.  It is also just as possible to go the other way at these times and satan knows this.  For that reason he will work very hard to influence you to choose invalid feelings as a response to the bad things that happen to you.  If you do you will be magnifying the bad event, making it larger than it really is and therefore harder to handle.  I suspect that we put ourselves through much more grief than is necessary.  This is one of the ways satan uses to get us to stop moving toward our Heavenly Father.  So when one of these bad events come to you be careful in your choice of feelings and don't let yourself be caught by one that leads away from your Father in Heaven.

I don't want to make you think that you should only have the positive feelings.  Sorrow, grief, being hurt, sadness and others like these can be just as appropriate as happiness or hope.  There will be times when you should be sad or feel grief.  These are a necessary part of our eternal progression.  We have to experience sorrow to appreciate joy.  The key to judge them by is whether they are helping you progress or not.  If I should die it would be very appropriate for you to feel sorrow and grief for a period of time.  They will help you to heal and go on without me.  At the same time don't get stuck there.  A valid feeling taken to the extreme or indulged in too long can become invalid if we let it.  Remember we learned that we can change and control our feelings.  That means that you can do those things that will help you to handle your feelings in the way that you should and move past them if that is appropriate.  Sorrow over a lost loved one can become appreciation for their life and what they taught you.  Then you may come to appreciate your other loved ones more and in turn develop a better relationship with them.  Feelings come to us from the things that we experience everyday.  Those feelings cause us to act one way or another.  So choose wisely how you will feel in response to what happens to you.

Now that you know where feelings come from and that you can change and control them let's talk about some ways to handle them appropriately.  First of all, don't hold them in.  Feelings are supposed to generate action or behavior of one kind or another.  When you keep them inside and don't act upon them you create a roadblock.  Now new experiences don't produce a new feeling, they just put pressure on you to act on the first feeling that you had.  That is why some people are always angry or depressed no matter what happens to them.  Somewhere along the way they had an experience that prompted a feeling that they held inside.  Instead of doing something with the feeling they keep it just under the surface where everything that happens makes it stronger and stronger.  Before long the pressure to act is so strong that they do something anyway and usually it will be an inappropriate action.  Choosing an invalid feeling will often do the same thing.  If you are hurt and choose instead to be angry the action that your anger prompts will not help you heal the hurt that was a valid feeling.  So choose your feelings wisely and then act on them.  Holding them in will not help you to progress and it is not being true to yourself.  It will only cause problems and in the long run may even make you ill.  So don't hold your feelings in.

So if we don't hold them in what do we do with them?  We work through them.  Feelings are meant to generate action.  If you are hurt you do something to heal that hurt.  If you feel attraction for someone you introduce yourself.  If you feel remorse about something you should repent.  And if you love someone you try to strengthen that feeling by doing things to serve that person.  This is why it is so important to choose valid feelings in the first place, actions based on an invalid feeling will move you in the wrong direction.  To progress you must choose a valid feeling and do what that feeling prompts you to do.

In Steven Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People habit number one is "Be Proactive."  About effective people he says, "Proactive people take responsibility for their own lives.  They determine the agendas they will follow and choose their responses to what happens around them."  To be effective in handling your feelings well you must "take responsibility for your own lives."  You cannot let your experiences determine how you feel or what you do about it.  In Dr. Covey's words, "Be Proactive. Determine the agendas you will follow and choose your responses to what happens around you."  Decide what you need to do because of your chosen valid feeling and do it.

Listen to what Dr. Covey says ineffective people do.  "Be reactive.  Reactive people don't take responsibility for their own lives.  They feel victimized, a product of circumstances, their past, and other people.  They do not see themselves as the creative force of their lives."  To be reactive means that you let the experience, whatever it might be, determine both how you feel about it and what you do about it.  Reacting means that you've decided to wait and see if something will come along to handle the feeling.  When you do this you not only become a victim of the bad things that happen to you but you also miss out on most of the good.  Working through your feelings is harder than just reacting to what happens to you.  It requires that you think about your feelings and what you should do about them.  You may have to do some things that you are not comfortable with.  You may have to stretch and grow because of what your valid feeling prompts you to do.  All of this is good for you even if it is very difficult for you to do.  Working through your feelings will bring you a feeling of peace that you will find in no other way.

Next I want you to know that it's ok to cry.  I imagine that you boys might be telling yourself that real men don't cry.  And I've never seen John Wayne cry in any of his movies.  I can even hear you, Jenny, in my mind saying, "I'm tougher than any boy and I can handle anything without crying."  Whether all of that is true or not doesn't matter, it's still ok to cry!  Some feelings may be so strong that they can only be worked through by crying.  The alternative is to hold them in and we've learned that is not good for us.  When you were little you would cry when a feeling prompted you to.  Jesus taught us to become like a little child.  So when a valid feeling prompts you to do so, cry!

Crying is one way of taking care of yourself.  Again from Dr. Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People habit number seven is "Sharpen the Saw."  He says, "Effective people are involved in self-renewal and self-improvement in the physical, mental, spiritual, and social-emotional areas, which enhance all areas of their life and nurture the other six habits."  To put it simply, take care of yourself.  That may mean crying.  There are also a lot of other ways to take care of yourself.  It might be going to a good movie or having a bowl of your favorite ice cream.  You may need a nap or someone to talk to.  One of the things I used to do was shoot baskets.  Mom goes to the temple.  You may find you need to speak to your Heavenly Father in earnest prayer.  You may need to cry.

The next way to handle your feelings is to share them.  Other people can help you work through your feelings in many ways.  They may be able to help you decide what action you should take.  Maybe they are the ones that generated the feeling by doing something that you were hurt by and to heal you need to talk to them about it.  They may not even know that you were hurt by their actions.  They cannot make amends and help you heal if they never hear about your valid feelings.  And if you choose to be angry instead of hurt, this invalid feeling may prompt you to do something intended to hurt the other person.  Now the problem is bigger and two people need to heal.  This is why it is so important to choose a valid feeling in the first place.  Remember to choose the feeling that helps you progress and making a problem bigger is not progressing.

Or maybe you did something that someone else was hurt by and you are feeling remorse.  This valid feeling would prompt you to talk to that person and try to help them heal.  People that are important to you need to hear how you feel about them.  Sharing these important feelings is one way they grow stronger.  Maybe you are feeling confused and just need someone to talk to.  Whatever it might be I suspect that a major part of working through your feelings is sharing them with the right person.  That may even mean just expressing them to yourself.  Whoever it is talk to someone about your feelings and let them help where they can.  And if talking about them is too difficult then try writing about them.  Just the act of writing your feelings down may help a lot.

Sharing your feelings with someone makes it possible for them to add their strength to yours so you can handle the feelings better.  This does not mean that you are weak.  It may be an experience that you've never had before and someone who has been through it may be a much needed guide.  Habit number six from Dr. Covey is "Synergize.  Effective people know that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.  They value and benefit from differences in others which results in creative cooperation and teamwork."  Leaning on someone else is one way that we can grow stronger.  It is no different than finding your way to Grandma Leah's house, someone had to show you how first.  Learning how to handle our feelings is the same as everything else that we learn, someone teaches us.  So learn to benefit from the strength of others, share your feelings.

Another important way to handle your feelings is to strengthen them.  Certain feelings are so meaningful that when you work through them you will want to hold onto them.  The only way to do that is to make them strong enough to last.  Feelings that belong to this group are things like being thankful for your blessings, having confidence, being humble, compassion, faith, and hope.  I think a testimony should also be included here.  Some feelings that might be considered negative like remorse or grief probably belong with this group, too.  They should help you move forward in your life.  Grief, for instance, is usually a feeling that comes to us at the loss of a loved one.  It would be a valid feeling and there should be a period of time spent mourning your loss and healing the hurt.  An obvious feeling that goes with these is love.  Now I cannot tell you all the feelings that you should strengthen.  You will have to decide as they come along.  Listen to the Spirit and you'll know.  If you want to hold onto them it takes work and if they are worthwhile you should do what you can to strengthen them.

Some feelings may be so strong that they overwhelm you and stop you from doing anything but focusing on the feeling.  When you find yourself doing this and not progressing you need a way out.  There is a way that will help every time.  It is service.  Find yourself something to do for someone else and keep doing it until you begin to feel alright.  Worthwhile service will help when almost nothing else will.  When Christ was on the earth he said this about service,

"For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it."

Luke 9:24

When we focus so much on ourselves and what we feel is wrong with our life we become unbalanced.  We magnify the bad things that happen to us and the feelings that come from them.  They become so large that we can't see past them to the good things in our life and the places where we could help others.  We need to regain our balance and perspective.  The only way to do that is to take the focus off of ourselves.  A simple act of service does that.  We become, at least for a little while, more concerned with someone else's problems and feelings than our own.  Shifting the focus helps us see the way to work through the feeling that overwhelmed us.  You find your life by serving Christ and you can only do that by serving others.

There is one final blessing that Heavenly Father offers us to help us with our feelings, it is the atonement.  Christ can heal any hurt you may feel.  Read about Him in section eighteen of the Doctrine and Covenants.

"For, behold, the Lord your Redeemer suffered death in the flesh; wherefore he suffered the pain of all men, that all men might repent and come unto him.

"And he hath risen again from the dead, that he might bring all men unto him, on conditions of repentance.

"And how great is his joy in the soul that repenteth!"

D&C 18:11‑13

And again in section nineteen.

"For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent..."

D&C 19:16

Christ has already taken upon Himself all of your pain and suffering.  You do not have to remain in pain, listen to His invitation.

"O all ye that are spared because ye were more righteous than they, will ye not now return unto me, and repent of your sins, and be converted, that I may heal you?"

3 Nephi 9:13

Repentance and being forgiven by the Saviour will bring to you the sweetest feeling of peace possible.  But perhaps the hurt you feel comes from the actions of someone else and you have done nothing wrong.  Have you forgiven the person that hurt you?  You cannot be healed until you do.  The atonement not only heals the hurt that comes from sin but any hurt you feel.  Even the pain of losing a loved can be healed through the atonement by Christ.  He can help you with any feeling that you cannot handle.  And He is always  willing to help if you put yourself in tune with Him.  There is much more I could say about Christ and the atonement but my purpose here is just to make sure that you know where to turn for help when you really need it.  So I leave you with my testimony.  I know that Jesus lived a perfect life and then gave that life for us.  I know that He suffered so we wouldn't have to if we will turn to Him for help.  And I know that He is always there for us.

Before I finish I want to talk to you about the most important feeling of all, love.  When we are young men and young women love is probably the most difficult feeling to understand.  There is so much going on at that point in life.  We want to be recognized as adults so we begin to break the tie with our parents, relying on them for less and less.  Sometimes we are even rebellious.  At the same time we want to be accepted by our peers and we also begin searching for our eternal companion.  Then on top of all that our hormones kick in, our bodies begin to change and sexual urges begin to influence us.  It's no wonder we often find ourselves confused about our feelings.  It's easy to mistake sexual attraction for love.  Other things can also appear to us as love, things like friendship, appreciation, infatuation, gratitude, and many more.  So be careful with your feelings and don't jump quickly into relationships that are based on something other than love.

As we talk about what true love is keep in mind that all forms of love are basically the same just the relationships are different.  What I mean by that is that even though my relationship with Mom is different than my relationship with you kids the qualities of the love I have for you both is the same.  The same thing is true of all love whether it be for a friend, for a parent, for a son or a daughter, for an eternal companion, or the pure love we should have for the Saviour.  With that in mind let's find out what that pure love is like and we'll know what they're all like.

There are just two scriptures I want to read.  The first is from the New Testament.

"This is my commandment, That ye love one another, as I have loved you.

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

John 15:12‑13

We have been given a commandment to love one another and to do so just as Christ loves us.  Then we are told, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."  This is the kind of love Christ has for us, He willingly gave His life for us.  We have been commanded to love each other in the same way, to be willing to give up our life for each other.  Now I don't think Heavenly Father expects us to actually die for each other, but we should be willing to do so.  There are other ways to show that kind of love.  We can put the needs of the ones we love before our own.  That way we give of our life a little bit at a time.  It means sacrificing for others, that is what the Saviour did.

The second scripture is from the Book of Mormon and describes the qualities of pure love.

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. 

"Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth.  Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail‑‑

"But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Moroni 7:45‑47

In verse 47 we are told that "charity is the pure love of Christ."  So wherever we see the word charity we can put "the pure love of Christ" in it's place.  That means that if we love someone the feeling we have for them should have these characteristics as a basis.

If the feeling we have is love it should be long-suffering.  That means it will be tolerant and patient.  If it is love it will be kind.  It will not be envious which implies that we won't be jealous, grudging, resentful, or lustful.  Real love "seeketh not her own."  This means that our feeling is not motivated by some purpose or desire of ours even if it is worthwhile.  Another quality of love is it "beareth all things."  If what you are feeling is really love you will not only be willing to help in any circumstance but that you actually do.  Mom is a great example of this, she does a lot of the unpleasant tasks that come with this illness not just once in awhile but all the time.

Now my purpose here is not to list all the characteristics of love.  I have not reached the point where I can do that but I'm working on it.  There are just two things that I do know about love.  First, it takes work.  It's not automatic, you have to work at it.  You have to serve the other person to build real love and that means work.  The other thing is that the pure love of Christ is the example we should work toward.  If the feeling you have has the qualities of the love that Jesus has for us then you may know that you're on the right track.  If it does not then it is not love.  Use the last scripture we read, Moroni 7:45‑47, as guide to judge your feelings by and as a goal to work for.  Pray each night that Heavenly Father will fill your heart with the pure love of Christ and then work as hard as you can to gain it.

Finally, I wish I could put my arm around each one of you, give you a strong hug, and tell you how I feel about you.  I would tell you how important you are to me, that without you kids and Mom there would be no reason for me to fight this disease.  I would tell you how pleased I am that you are a part of our family and how much you add to my happiness.  I would share with each one of you the confidence I have in you and how much I think you will accomplish in your lives.  I would tell you of the things that are most sacred to me, my testimony of the gospel, the priesthood I hold, and the sealing ordinances of the temple that bind our family together for eternity.  I would tell you of the great love I have for the Saviour and how thankful I am for the life He led and the sacrifice He made for us.  There is so much I would say but most of all I would let you know how much I wish I could help you with the hard parts of life.  I hope this does.  Love, Dad.

                                                  AND SHOULD I DIE

One of the great hymns of the church is "Come, Come, Ye Saints."  I always enjoyed singing it and now it seems very appropriate for our family.  Read through it, think about the words, and see if you don't agree.

"Come, come ye Saints, no toil nor labor fear;  But with joy wend your way.  Though hard to you this journey may appear, Grace shall be as your day.  'Tis better far for us to strive  Our useless cares from us to drive;  Do this and joy your hearts will swell.  All is well!  All is well!"

"Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?  'Tis not so; all is right.  Why should we think to earn a great reward If we now shun the fight?  Gird up your loins, fresh courage take.  Our God will never us forsake;  And soon we'll have this tale to tell.  All is well!  All is well!"

"We'll find the place which God for us prepared,  Far away in the West,  Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid;  There the Saints will be blessed.  We'll make the air with music ring,  Shout praises to our God and King; Above the rest these words we'll tell.  All is well!  All is well!"

"And should we die before our journey's through,  Happy day! All is well!  We then are free from toil and sorrow, too;  With the just we shall dwell!  But if our lives are spared again  To see the Saints their rest obtain,  Oh, how we'll make this chorus swell.  All is well!   All is well!"

As I was growing up I had a hard time understanding the first part of the last verse, "And should we die before our journey's through, Happy day! All is well!"  I could not comprehend how the pioneers could be happy about dying before they reached the destination that they had struggled so much for.  I wondered what they meant when they said, All is well!"  I don't know if I could feel the same way if I were in their position.  In a way though, with my illness, I guess I am.

One of my favorite general authorities was LeGrande Richards, probably because he ordained my dad to the Melchizedek Priesthood.  Not only did I enjoy listening to him speak but I felt that I was connected to him because my line of authority runs through him.  When one of his brothers died he had a unique response.  He said, "Good for him."  Another puzzling reaction to death, "Good for him."  Why would Elder Richards feel that way about his brother's death?  When grandpa died I didn't feel that way.  And I imagine that if I die from this illness it might be hard for you to say, "Good for him."

 President Spencer W. Kimball wrote about life and death in an article entitled "Tragedy or Destiny."  He said,

"We knew before we were born that we were coming to the earth for bodies and experience and that we would have joys and sorrows, ease and pain, comforts and hardships, health and sickness, successes and disappointments.  We knew also that after a period of life we would die.  We accepted all these eventualities with a glad heart, eager to accept both the favorable and the unfavorable.  We eagerly accepted the chance to come earthward even though it might be for only a day or a year.  Perhaps we were not so much concerned whether we should die of disease, of accident, or of senility.  We were willing to take life as it came and as we might organize and control it, and this without murmur, complaint, or unreasonable demand."

From President Kimball we learn that we knew before this life that along with the good things of life we would also have hardships, sickness, disappointments, and death.  We also learn that even though we would have these adversities we were eager to come to earth to live and to die.  I suspect that we, as a family, knew before this life that I would have this terrible disease.  Perhaps, we even knew that I would die from this.  From President Kimball we learn that we accepted that "with a glad heart."  Here is that same attitude about death again, "Happy day!  All is well!"

So why have I brought up all this about death?  Does it mean that I expect to die soon?  No, I still believe that I will recover and regain my health.  At the same time, though, I want to help you prepare for whatever might happen.  Sooner or later I will die even if I beat this disease.  I used to think that no-one in my family would ever die.  My grandparents all lived very long lives.  Death has seldom come to visit my loved ones so I always thought we would all live to be very old before we died.  I had never seriously considered the possibility that my dad might die.  When he did I was unsure of how I should feel, what I should do, or what I should believe.  If I lose this struggle with Lou Gehrig's disease I want you to know how handle that eventuality.

So what if I die?  What will that mean to you?  To understand that I think you first have to understand what it will mean to me.  As I speak of this I want to make it very clear that I intend to live as long as Heavenly Father will allow me and hopefully that will be a long while yet.  To begin read from the Doctrine & Covenants,

"And the elders of the church, two or more, shall be called, and shall pray for and lay their hands upon them in my name; and if they die they shall die unto me, and if they live they shall live unto me.

"Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die, and more especially for those that have not hope of a glorious resurrection. 

"And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not taste of death, for it shall be sweet unto them;"                                                          D&C 42:44‑46

I am not afraid to die.  In fact, it will be a great relief.  My spirit will no longer be bound by a body that I have little or no control of.  Think of the things I will be able to do again.  To stand on my own and walk where-ever I want without needing someone to hold me up.  To talk whenever I want and with everyone instead of just the few who now make the effort to understand me.  How often I have wanted to join in a conversation or to make a comment during a sunday school or priesthood lesson.  I would again be able to do one of my favorite things, teach a gospel lesson.  And to be able to sing again.  Oh what a wonderful thing that will be.

As I examine my feelings about dying I find myself almost anxious for it.  Besides being free of the restrictions imposed on me by this illness think of the people who will greet me on the other side of the veil.  My grandparents will be there and my Uncle Jim and Uncle Joe who both died in accidents.  Maybe I will get to meet John Wayne and John Denver.  Neil, after whom my parents named me, will probably be there.  He and my dad were very close.  My dad will surely be there, probably he will be the first to meet me there.  What a grand reunion that will be.  I miss him very much.  Then there is Melissa, I will be able to get to know her again.  We have so much to talk about.  Yes, death will be sweet for me.

If these were the only good things that death brings it would still be sweet but there is more.  President Kimball says,

"For the one who dies, life goes on and his free agency continues; and death, which, seems to us such a calamity, could be a blessing in disguise...

"If we say that early death is a calamity, disaster, or tragedy, would it not be saying that mortality is preferable to earlier entrance into the spirit world and to eventual salvation and exaltation?  If mortality be the perfect state, then death would be a frustration, but the gospel teaches us there is no tragedy in death, but only in sin."...blessed are the dead that lie in the Lord...."(D&C 63:49.)"

If I die it would mean an "earlier entrance into the spirit world and to eventual salvation and exaltation" for me.  To be brought back into the presence of my elder brother, Jesus, will be a privilege beyond anything I could hope for.  You see, I know that I knew Him before this life and I believe I loved Him there.  Here, in this life, I have been blessed with a very strong testimony that Jesus is the Christ and that He made the infinite atonement on our behalf.  I stand in awe at the perfect life He lived and that He suffered for me.  I am filled with remorse that because of the way I've lived my life I must share the blame for causing Him to suffer so.  I hope that my repentance will be sufficient enough that His suffering will not be in vain as far as I am concerned.  To pass beyond the veil and have the Saviour welcome me home is really what I live for.  Then to fully comprehend how much Heavenly Father and Jesus have done for me and to fully appreciate the perfect love they have for me will be the sweetest experience of all.  If I should die I will be able to say, along with the early saints, "Happy day! All is well!"

I would have only two regrets if I should die soon.  One is that I have not done enough for others.  You will come to realize that true happiness in life comes not from what we accomplish for ourselves but in what we do for others.  This is why it feels good to do something for someone else.  This is why missionaries enjoy their missions so much.  It is the reason we are given callings in the ward and why we hold the priesthood, to serve others.  As we give of ourselves generously we become more like Christ, who gave His life willingly to serve us.  So, I wish I had done more for others.

My other regret would be not being here to help Mom and you kids as you grow to adulthood.  I wish I could teach you to drive or to shoot a basketball or to handle a fly rod.  I want to be there when you graduate from high school, when you go on your first date, when you go away to college.  I want to see you boys leave on your missions and return home honorably as men.  I want to join with you in the temple as you kneel at an altar there to be sealed to a worthy companion for time and all eternity.  I would like to be here for all these and so much more but I may not.  And that may be the best thing I can do for you even if it is a very hard experience for you to have.  There may be some growth that you need that can only be accomplished if I die.  Listen again to President Kimball, "We know so little.  Our judgement is so limited.  We judge the Lord's ways from our narrow view.

"I am positive in my mind that the Lord has planned our destiny.  Sometime we'll understand fully and when we see back from the vantage point of the future, we shall be satisfied with many of the happenings of this life that are so difficult for us to comprehend."  So, let me help you prepare for that hardship just in case it comes your way.  Listen to the counsel I will share with you now and use it.

Now you know that I will be ok if I should die but what about you?  If I die what will that mean to you?  Will that mean your life is ruined?  I always thought that my life would surely be ruined if one of my parents died.  For a big part of my life I couldn't imagine anything worse that could happen.  Then grandpa died and I learned a few things.

I learned that life goes on and I was part of it.  And I had to decide how I would go on with life.  As I've watched different families respond to the death of a loved one I've seen some who have let the death ruin their life.  Because someone they care deeply about is gone they give up, they act as though their life had ended.  From then on they let circumstances determine what happens to their happiness and their life.  Others do not let their loss diminish their life.  They feel the pain probably just as much but they choose to respond differently.  They keep the right to determine how to live their life.  Now, I do not want to lesson the challenge of losing a loved one.  When grandpa died it was one of the hardest experiences of my life.  But I do want you to understand that you will have to decide if your life is ruined if I die.  Please do not let my death diminish your life.

Now you know that if I die you will have a decision to make.  What will your life be without me?  Will it be ruined or will you move forward?  Will you let what happens to you determine if you are happy, active in the gospel, what standards you live your life by or will you make those decisions?  If I die you will have to make these choices, so choose before hand how you will respond.  Plan what you will do to help yourself move positively through the grieving process.  This is no different than hiking in the mountains.  If you know the path before you walk down it you will get where you want to go.  But if you don't have a map, someone to lead you, or at least some directions, there will be no telling where you will end up.

Your life is too important to leave to chance where you will end up.  There is nothing wrong with thinking through this possibility.  That may be the very reason I am living longer than expected, to give you time to prepare.  So, do it!  Are there relationships that you might need to rely on that need to be mended or strengthened?  What about your relationship with Mom or with your brothers and sisters?  If I die will you need their help?  Will they need yours?  Are there habits that you need to develop or strengthen?  Do you read the scriptures everyday?  Do you remember to say your prayers?  Are they meaningful?  Are you in tune with your Father in Heaven?  I cannot tell you exactly what each of you will need, that you will have to work out on your own.  I can tell you that you will need something or someone to help fill the empty place where I used to be.  Be sure that it is ready when you need it.  Prepare for it now.

So, what should you do if I die?  Well, to begin with I hope that you would feel enough of a loss that you would weep because I will no longer be here to share your life.  Read again from the Doctrine & Covenants section 42,

"Thou shalt live together in love, insomuch that thou shalt weep for the loss of them that die, and more especially for those that have not hope of a glorious resurrection."

D&C 42:45

It is appropriate to feel sad when one of our loved ones die.  It's also ok to cry when we lose someone that we love.  In fact, Heavenly Father tells us that we should weep, "and more especially for those that have not hope of a glorious resurrection."  Crying is one way to help you move forward with life, it helps clear the strong emotions you will probably have.  It will help put your  life back in balance.

That is the key, living a balanced life.  I hope that you will mourn for a little while and then get on with your lives.  It will not help you or me or anyone else if you end up spending most of your time deep in sorrow over my death.  I would much rather have you do something positive for someone when you think of me than have you cry your eyes out.  But if you need to cry for a little while every now and then that's all right.  Just don't let it dominate your life.  Others may need your help, especially your Mom and your brothers and sisters.  Giving someone a hug may help them and you as much as a good cry.

As you go through this process of mourning please be sure to hold on to that which is sacred.  Remember the covenants you made when you were baptized.  Remember your testimonies of the Book of Mormon, of the prophet and apostles, of the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Remember the standards you have been taught.  Boys, remember to honor and magnify the priesthood that you hold.  Remember the temple covenants that seal our family for eternity and ensure that we will be together again in only a little while.  Remember that you are a daughter or son of a Heavenly Father who loves you and is always there for you.  Hold on tight to these sacred gifts, they will be a great strength to you if you do.  Be aware that satan will try very hard to get you to abandon them for pleasures that will be very appealing but will bring no real comfort.  In Matthew Jesus taught,

"Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls:

"Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it."

Matthew 13:45‑46

These things we've talked about are that "pearl of great price."  Keep it safe!

If I die I want you to go on and be happy.  I have always managed to live happy even with this terrible disease.  I have been blessed in this illness with the ability to be productive and with much to be thankful for.  Even limited as I am and with death a real probable immediate outcome I still enjoy life.  One major reason I am able to be productive and happy is because I choose to be.  It would be very easy to lay back and complain all the time about what a rotten bit of luck life had given me but I choose not to.  A great example of this is Grandma Leah.  She is over ninety years old.  She is barely able to walk and can only see a short distance.  She must rely on someone else for almost every aspect of life yet she is happy.  If I die it will be easy to become caught up in the feelings of loss to the point that it dominates your life.  Don't let that happen.  You still have lives to live, missions to serve, and families to raise.  Do it well and do it happy.  We will only be apart a short time and it will be a much better tribute to me for you to be happy and productive than to cry every time someone mentions my name.  You have too many blessings to live any other way.

I love sunflowers.  As they grow they always face towards the sun.  To me they represent a positive attitude, always moving to the light.  It is much the same with John Denver, I love his music because it lifts me up.  I hope that you will find those things that will help you have and keep a positive direction in life.  You may find it in music like I have with John Denver or a certain flower like my sunflowers.  It may be books or art or camping or any of the great multitude of good things that Heavenly Father has made available to us today.  There are so many negative influences in the world and so many ways satan uses to drag us down that we need to fill our lives with as much that is good as we can.  Find those things in life that help you move toward the light. 

Lately, because my electric wheelchair and the lift on the van make it a lot easier for me to get out and do things, I've come to realize how much you miss out on by being essentially locked up at home.  I've always thought it was better to watch a BYU football game on TV than to actually go to the game.  But last week Grandpa Dale took me to the BYU vs. Hawaii game and I learned that it's better to go and do.  It was a lot more fun to see the BYU return man run that punt back 83 yards for a touchdown than it is to just watch it on TV.  You miss so much by not being there, the feeling of being part of a crowd that big in a stadium that large, the vibration of the stadium as everyone stomps their feet, the look of the grass.  Even a simple hot dog tasted better there.  As I sat there with so much going on all around me I wished that each of you could have been there.  It was fun!

We have become a society of watchers, being content to sit at home and watch what goes on rather than be a part of it.  One of the main reasons we came to this life is to gain experience, not to just watch.  Go and do, be a part of good wholesome activities.  Experience life, but be careful.  You don't have to do something stupid to gain experience.  Remember this!  Another meaning of experience is wisdom.  Maybe that is what we are really trying to learn.  So go and do, have fun, live a full life, but be careful.

Often the veil between this life and the next becomes very thin and those loved ones who have passed on are able to be close to us.  Both your Mom and I have felt the influence of Grandpa Gorrell from time to time as we've needed his help.  I've also often heard Grandma Kris speak of the interest she has received from Grandma Dorothy, particularly when she has been in the temple.  You may know with a perfect assurance that my love and concern for you will not end with my death.  I will be watching over you, and as much as Heavenly Father will allow I will be here to help you.  We will not be that far apart and only for a little while.

Finally, Heavenly Father will not leave you all alone.  In the Book of Mormon it says,

"And again, blessed are all they that mourn, for they shall be comforted."

3 Nephi 12:4

He has provided a means for us to be comforted, the Holy Ghost.  Each of you has been given the gift of the Holy Ghost to help you, not only in times of sorrow but throughout your lives.  He can help you to deal well with my death.  He can help you heal from the pain and loss you will feel.  He can give understanding and direction to your life.  He can give you comfort and hope.  He can do all this for you and more, but whether He will or not depends on you.

You have to do a couple of things for the Holy Ghost to be active in your life.  I really like this scripture from the Book of Mormon,

"And the remission of sins bringeth meekness, and lowliness of heart; and because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer, until the end shall come, when all the saints shall dwell with God."

Moroni 8:26

This scripture tells us that first we have to repent.  And as we receive forgiveness we become humble.  That's what "meekness and lowliness of heart" means, to be humble or the opposite of pride.  When we've done these things we are prepared to gain the help of the Holy Ghost.  All you have to do more is ask.  Go to your Father in Heaven in prayer and ask specifically for the Holy Ghost to be with you.  Tell Heavenly Father exactly what you need help with.  Then look at how the Holy Ghost or "Comforter" will help you.  He will fill you with "hope and perfect love."

He will not change your circumstances, I will still be gone from this life, but you will be full of hope.  What a great blessing this is.  Hope will help you handle whatever life might bring you.  One of the reasons I have done so well fighting this disease is because of the hope that I have through the Holy Ghost.  It is through the Spirit that we receive answers to our prayers.  I've heard that still small voice whisper to me that all will be ok.  With this and other answers I've received I am full of hope that I will recover.  And if I don't I am full of hope that I will live long enough to fulfill my stewardship to my family and I am.  With hope you will be able to trust Heavenly Father that all will be well and you will be able to move forward without me.

The other blessing that the Comforter brings is "perfect love."  I told you before of an answer that I received to my prayers when I first found out that I had Lou Gehrig's disease.  All the details are unimportant here, but the first thing I heard was this, "Duane, you are one of my sons and I love you."  Heavenly Father wanted me to know of His "perfect love" for me, and this came with the power of the Spirit.  What could be a greater comfort than to feel by the power of the Holy Ghost the love that Heavenly Father has for you.  This blessing can make everything all right if you put yourself in position to receive it.

Well, if you do these things when I die you will be ok.  Then, after only a short time, it will be your turn to pass through the veil to the next life.  And again we will have another glorious reunion if you have done two things; lived a worthy life and received all the ordinances of the temple.  Without these our reunion will not be as sweet. In the April 1997 general conference President James E. Faust said,

"A basic eternal truth of this Church is that families may, if they are worthy, have an eternal relationship; for us it would not be heaven without our parents, our grandparents, our eternal companions, our children, and our posterity.  This union of families comes through the sealing power exercised within the hallowed walls of the temple under authorized priesthood authority."

I am certain that we have very little understanding of the role the ordinances of the temple will play in our eternal lives.  But we do know that without them our family relationships will end with death.  Read from Doctrine & Covenants section 132,

"And verily I say unto you, that the conditions of this law are these: All covenants, contracts, bonds, obligations, oaths, vows, performances, connections, associations, or expectations, that are not made and entered into and sealed by the Holy Spirit of promise, of him who is anointed, both as well for time and for all eternity, and that too most holy, by revelation and commandment through the medium of mine anointed, whom I have appointed on the earth to hold this power..... are of no efficacy, virtue, or force in and after the resurrection from the dead; for all contracts that are not made unto this end have an end when men are dead."

D&C 132:7

Simply put, without being sealed in the temple we have no claim whatsoever on our families after this life.  Our parents will no longer be our mom and dad.  Our children will no more be ours, those parental rights will be terminated when we die.

One of the saddest events I have ever witnessed occurred as we adopted Tessa, Matt, and Jenny.  Part of that process was the termination of the parental rights of their biological father.  As the judge made the decree that ended his earthly role as a father my mind went forward to that day when we will stand before the Holy One of Israel to give an accounting for our lives.  How will it feel to have to report that we died without the sealing ordinances of the temple for our family.  I cannot imagine a more terrible event than to have Him make the decree that terminates forever after our relationship with our family.  How would you explain that to the one who would have been your eternal companion or to your children?  Without the ordinances of the temple that will happen as surely as the night follows the day.  Mom and I are each sealed to our families and to each other.  And all of you are sealed to us.  The only remaining ordinances that need to be secured are those that will seal you to an eternal companion and your children to you.  Then it becomes your responsibility to teach your children to do the same.

Remember, President Faust said "if they are worthy" our families may obtain these wonderful blessings.  That is the second requirement for our reunion to be sweet, you must live a worthy life.  I cannot express how I feel about this any better than the following scripture does.  Read it as if I were speaking to you.

"And now, my children, I wish from the inmost part of my heart, yea, with great anxiety even unto pain, that ye would hearken unto my words, and cast off your sins, and not procrastinate the day of your repentance; 

"But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long‑suffering;

"Having faith on the Lord; having a hope that ye shall receive eternal life; having the love of God always in your hearts, that ye may be lifted up at the last day and enter into his rest.

"And may the Lord grant unto you repentance, that ye may not bring down his wrath upon you, that ye may not be bound down by the chains of hell, that ye may not suffer the second death."

Alma 13:27‑30

If you and I both do these things our reunion on the other side of the veil will be a happy one.

Now I've given you a lot to think about, but please do not get bogged down in worry about whether I will die or not!  When the time is right give these things prayerful consideration and then do whatever you need to do to be prepared.  Then when I die I hope you will be able to say, "Good for him," because it will be.  Then please live as Nephi's people did, "after the manner of happiness." (2 Nephi 5:27)  You have so many blessings to be grateful for because of the gospel and this knowledge about death is part of that.  People outside of the church do not have these assurances.  We live in a time when holy temples are very nearby.  Live worthy so you may take advantage of the marvelous blessings available therein.  Then live worthy and happy.  When the time comes for you to die do not be afraid, I will be there to meet you.  Love, Dad.

                                            TAKE NO THOUGHT FOR TOMORROW

With my illness the future is a little bit frightening.  There are so many uncertainties.  What will we do for money?  Who will fix the cars if they break down?  Who will protect you?  What if I get worse?  How will you take care of me?  How will you be able to serve a mission?  What if I die?  Who will look out for Mom?  Who will fight your battles with you?  What if, what if, what if?  So many questions and no easy answers.  With me unable to help who can you rely on?

When grandpa died I had to face a lot of similar questions.  One that kept coming to me was "what if I had been there?"  It troubled me more than any other.  And no matter how much I pondered it I found no answer.  As we traveled to Washington for grandpa's funeral I played a particular John Denver tape over and over.  One of the songs helped me a lot.  It is called "Gravel on the Ground."  The first verse and chorus go like this:

"If our lives could lie before us

Like a straight and narrow highway

So that we could see forever

Long before we took the ride,

We would never look to heaven,

Make a wish, or climb a mountain,

Cuz we'd always know the answer

to what's on the other side."

"But life ain't no easy freeway

Just some gravel on the ground.

You pay for every mile you pull

You spread some dust around.

But we all have destinations

And the dust will settle down.

This life ain't no easy freeway

just some gravel on the ground."

If we knew everything that would happen in the future or if we had the answers to all of our questions we would not grow.  Heavenly Father is omniscient, He knows all things.  He knows before hand all that will happen to us and if He would, Heavenly Father could easily share that knowledge with us.  But consider what we might do if He answered all of our questions when we asked them.  If, when I first became ill, we knew that after a number of years I would be completely healed do you think that I would have struggled to write this book to you?  Or would any of you feel prompted to develop greater faith?  Would we feel the need we have to put our trust in the Lord?  That one little bit of knowledge would make it very difficult if not impossible for us to experience the growth that has come to us with this adversity.

Again from his article called "Tragedy or Destiny?" President Spencer W. Kimball says, "The basic gospel law is free agency and eternal development.  To force us to be careful or righteous would be to nullify that fundamental law and make growth impossible."  In order for us to have free agency a veil was put in place over our memories so we would not know what it was like to live with Heavenly Father.  Such a knowledge would force us to choose the right all the time because we would know that a specific consequence would follow disobedience.  Logic tells us that a knowledge of the future would have a similar effect.  Read some more from President Kimball.

"We sometimes think we would like to know what lies ahead, but sober thought brings us back to accepting life a day at a time and magnifying and glorifying that day. Sister Ida Allredge gave us a thought-provoking verse:

"I cannot know the future, nor the path I shall have trod,

But by that inward vision, which points the way to God.

I would not glimpse the beauty or joy for me in store,

Lest patience ne'er restrain me from thrusting wide the door.

I would not part the curtains or cast aside the veil,

Else sorrows that await me might make my courage fail;

I'd rather live not knowing, just doing my small mite;

I'd rather walk by faith with God, than try alone the light.

"In the face of apparent tragedy we must put our trust in God, knowing that despite our limited view, his purposes will not fail.  With all its troubles, life offers us the tremendous privilege to grow in knowledge and wisdom, faith and works, preparing to return and share God's glory."

In order for us to have faith our view must be limited, we cannot know.  And for us to have "eternal development" we must experience, through faith, Heavenly Father's plan of salvation.  We grow only when we make a choice, on our own, to live according to the principles Heavenly Father teaches us and then we do.  Three things then are necessary for "eternal development", free agency, faith, and experience.  We don't have to know everything that will happen in advance, in fact we've learned that would hinder us.

President Kimball told us how to handle all the questions we face when he said, "We sometimes think we would like to know what lies ahead, but sober thought brings us back to accepting life a day at a time and magnifying and glorifying that day."  Take it one day at a time.  Worry about tomorrow when it gets here.  Remember as we talked about fear I said that one thing that helped me was when I realized that I would not die today.  That one thought changed my focus from a future event to the things I needed to take care of today.  This same principle was taught by the Saviour, read from Matthew.

"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat?  or, What shall we drink?  or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

"(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself.  Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

Matthew 6:31‑34

We live life only one day at a time.  And no matter how much we might want it to hurry by it remains one moment at a time, one hour at a time, and one day at a time.  All we really have is now.  Verse 34 tells us not to worry about tomorrow, it will take care of itself.  We have enough to worry about today.  Before I changed my focus from dying to not dying today I spent half my days and most of my nights trying not to die.  It was such a waste of time and effort.  President Kimball told us what our attitude should be, "accepting life a day at a time and magnifying and glorifying that day."  Take care of today, make the most of it.  If you do your best to do what you should today tomorrow will take care of itself.  So take each day as it comes, one day at a time, and "magnify and glorify that day."  And "Take therefore no thought for the morrow."

I find what it says in verses 31 and 32 of our last scripture very interesting.  Read it again,

"Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat?  or, What shall we drink?  or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?

"(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things."

Matthew 6:31‑32

It says that all the things we worry about, the questions we talked about earlier, are what the world seeks after.  They spend their time and effort in pursuit of the things of this world, money, houses, cars, clothes, and food.  We are told to not worry about these things.  Then we read what to me is maybe the most significant part, "for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things."  That is as plain and simple as it can be said.  Heavenly Father knows what our needs are, He knows what we are worried about.

One of the amazing things that has happened throughout my illness is that every time we've had a need it's been taken care of.  One way or another things always work out ok.  To think that Heavenly Father would be mindful of me and my problems and worries is incredible to me.  I cannot argue with experience though, He has always been there for us.  Remember the week that the dishwasher quit and the starter went out on the van.  We didn't have enough money to fix either one of them.  When we bought the dishwasher we also purchased an extended warranty for it so we called the repairman.  He decided that it was beyond repair so they replaced it with a brand new one.  Later that same day our good friend Lavar fixed the van by putting new brushes in the starter.  The total cost was less than five dollars and Lavar wouldn't accept any pay for his labor.  Besides being a very good friend he is also our home teacher and has often been the means for Heavenly Father's blessings to come to us.  This is just one example of the many ways that Heavenly Father has taken care of us throughout this adversity.

There is only one thing that is required of us to have the Lord fight our battles.  We learn what that is back in Matthew 6:33.

"But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you."

The key then is to put Heavenly Father first, no matter what that might mean.  With finances it means you pay your tithing and fast offerings first.  It means that you do not compromise your standards to be accepted by the group or to gain a friend.  Heavenly Father knows what your needs and wants are better than you know yourself.  He wants the very best for you and is anxious to bless you abundantly.  We are told in the Book of Mormon that if we keep the commandments Heavenly Father will prosper us, not just a little, a lot.  He is only waiting for us to seek first the kingdom of God and then He will fight our battles with us.

When I was still able to walk I would go to the temple once a week on my own.  One time as I was driving to the temple I realized that I would need a parking space very close to the entrance.  In one of the blessings that I received when I became ill it promised me that if I had a need I could pray and Heavenly Father would bless me.  So I began to pray.  I told Heavenly Father that I would need a parking space close to the door because I would not be able to walk very far.  As I turned into the temple parking lot a car that was in the very closest space pulled out and I pulled into that space.  I could not have chosen a better space even if the whole lot had been empty.  Now you might say it was just a coincidence but I don't believe that is so.  I was doing something to put Heavenly Father first, going to the temple.  I then asked for His help in prayer and my need was taken care of in the best possible way.

This can be the way it is all the time if we would only let it be.  Listen to the words of the Savior to the Nephites after the great destruction that took place in their land at His death.

"And it came to pass that there came a voice again unto the people, and all the people did hear, and did witness of it, saying:

"O ye people of these great cities which have fallen, who are descendants of Jacob, yea, who are of the house of Israel, how oft have I gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and have nourished you.

"And again, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, who have fallen; yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, ye that dwell at Jerusalem, as ye that have fallen; yea, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens, and ye would not.

"O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart."

3 Nephi 10:3‑6

He asks the people how many times did He take care of them.  Then He asks them how many times would He have.  Finally, in verse 6 He leaves us with a question, "How many times will He take care of us if we will repent and return unto Him with full purpose of heart?"  The answer is always!

I want to read a scripture that both tells us how much Heavenly Father wants to bless us with, and gives us a warning about not putting Him first.  It's in Helaman chapter 12.

"And thus we can behold how false, and also the unsteadiness of the hearts of the children of men; yea, we can see that the Lord in his great infinite goodness doth bless and prosper those who put their trust in him. 

"Yea, and we may see at the very time when he doth prosper his people, yea, in the increase of their fields, their flocks and their herds, and in gold, and in silver, and in all manner of precious things of every kind and art; sparing their lives, and delivering them out of the hands of their enemies; softening the hearts of their enemies that they should not declare wars against them; yea, and in fine, doing all things for the welfare and happiness of his people;"

Helaman 12:1‑2

Did you hear that?  If we put our trust in Him, Heavenly Father will bless and prosper us in all manner of precious things of every kind and art, and will do all things for our welfare and happiness.  What more could we ask for?  He will do all things for us if we put our trust in Him.  Can you do that?  Can you really find happiness or peace without doing that?

Now read the warning.

"yea, then is the time that they do harden their hearts, and do forget the Lord their God, and do trample under their feet the Holy One‑‑yea, and this because of their ease, and their exceedingly great prosperity.

"And thus we see that except the Lord doth chasten his people with many afflictions, yea, except he doth visit them with death and with terror, and with famine and with all manner of pestilence, they will not remember him. 

"O how foolish, and how vain, and how evil, and devilish, and how quick to do iniquity, and how slow to do good, are the children of men; yea, how quick to hearken unto the words of the evil one, and to set their hearts upon the vain things of the world! 

"Yea, how quick to be lifted up in pride; yea, how quick to boast, and do all manner of that which is iniquity; and how slow are they to remember the Lord their God, and to give ear unto his counsels, yea, how slow to walk in wisdom's paths!

"Behold, they do not desire that the Lord their God, who hath created them, should rule and reign over them; notwithstanding his great goodness and his mercy towards them, they do set at naught his counsels, and they will not that he should be their guide."

Helaman 12:2‑6

Please learn this one great truth.  Everything you have or are for good comes to you from Heavenly Father, and it can be gone in a heartbeat.  Look at my life as an example.  Most of my life I was very strong and took great pride in being able to out-work most people.  I never counted it as a blessing from Heavenly Father though.  Now my strength is gone and my pride was foolishness.  Do not take all the time it took me to learn to put Heavenly Father first.  Be not "slow to walk in wisdom's paths!"

As we return to consider our questions again listen to the words of one of my favorite hymns, Lead, Kindly Light.

"Lead, kindly Light, a-mid th'en-cir-cling gloom;

  Lead thou me on!

The night is dark, and I am far from home;

  Lead thou me on!

Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see

The distant scene-one step enough for me.

"I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that thou

  Shouldst lead me on.

I loved to choose and see my path; but now,

  Lead thou me on!

I loved the garish day, and, spite of fears,

Pride ruled my will.  Remember not past years.

"So long thy pow'r hath blest me, sure it still

  Will lead me on

O'er moor and fen, o'er crag and torrent, till

  The night is gone.

And with the morn those angel faces smile,

Which I have loved long since, and lost awhile!"

(Church Hymns p.97)

Now, have we learned that Heavenly Father will answer all our questions and remove the uncertainties from our lives?  No, we need those to grow.  What is the one thing I want you to do as you face these difficulties?  The answer is given to us most eloquently in this last scripture.

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

"In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

"Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

"It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones."

Proverbs 3:5‑8

Trust in the Lord!

I'll leave you with one last story to illustrate how we should trust our Heavenly Father.

                                        FAITH OF LITTLE MARY

The father, a well digger, strong was he,

And as loving and kind as a father could be.

And Mary his daughter, five years old,

Was very much dearer than millions of gold.

To Mary her father was big, grand and nice,

So each had a treasure, beyond any price.

One day to the well, little Mary was sent

To take daddy's lunch, how gladly she went.

But when she looked down, not a thing could be seen.

The well, like a pocket, was dark as could be.

The father saw Mary and heard her voice, too,

But made not a sound, just to see what she'd do.

She dropped to her knees, the dear little soul,

And called down, "Oh, daddy, are you down this hole?"

"Why yes Mary darling, I'm here at your feet,

Just drop my lunch for I'm ready to eat.

Just let it go easy, I'll catch it alright."

She did and she saw it fall out of sight.

"Why Mary," said father,

"There's enough here for two,

Now this is the thing I would like you to do.

You jump down here to me and we'll eat it together,

Down here in the cool and away from the weather."

"Oh, daddy, I'm afraid, I can't see you at all,

Be sure now you catch me and don't let me fall."

'Twas just for a moment she wavered in doubt,

Then closing her dear little eyes she jumped out.

In the darkness, yes, that was the test,

She trusted in faith in her father's request.

And both were so happy he kissed her and smiled

Because of the sweet trusting faith of his child.

"Oh, sweet little Mary, you put me in shame,

How often my Father has called me the same,

But because it was dark I turned back in doubt

Refusing the call, though his arms were stretch out."

(Especially For Mormons, Vol.1 p.132, author unknown)

Now we've talked of many reasons why we should put our trust in Heavenly Father and we are left with only one thing more to discuss.  Can you be like little Mary and trust your Father in heaven to catch you when life gets hard?  Can you "lean not unto thine own understanding" and turn your life over to a loving Heavenly Father?  The challenge is yours to reach out and put your hand in Heavenly Father's.  The key is to do it now while you don't have to.  Then when the hard questions come you will already know where to go for the answers.  Love dad.

                                                  HONOR YOUR MOTHER

I want to talk to you about the most important person in my life, your mother.  To begin I want to remind you of one of the commandments.

"Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."

Deuteronomy 5:16

And again in Ephesians 6:2 it says, "Honour thy father and mother; (which is the first commandment with promise;)"  This last scripture says that this is "the first commandment with promise."  That means that along with the commandment Heavenly Father promised us a specific blessing when we are obedient to this commandment.  We are told what the blessing is in the first scripture, "that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee."  I do not need to explain this other than to say that this promised blessing applies to you not your mother and father.  Later I will discuss what it means to honor your mother.

Before we talk about your mother I want to tell you about the wonderful mothers I have had in my life.  I was blessed to have three choice grandmothers, Grandma Jones, Grandma Gorrell, and Grandma Hansen.  While I have many splendid memories of all three because of space and time I will only speak of one here.  Thinking about my grandmothers reminds me of the trip to Grandma Hansen's house.  She lived in a little town called Nyssa in eastern Oregon.  It was a little more than a hundred miles from Baker where we lived.  To my young mind the trip seemed to take forever or maybe just a little longer, but in reality it was probably no more than four hours at the most.  My brother and sisters and I rode in the hot back seat of our car.  Most of the time we travelled through a sage brush covered countryside up and down one long hill after another.  I would wonder if we would ever get there.

      As we got within about twelve miles the scenery changed to flat fields of sugar beets, potatoes, and onions.  Then about four or five miles away from Nyssa something magical happened, both sides of the road had these large marvelous old trees planted about twenty feet apart.  Their limbs arched over the road and created a wonderful tunnel of cool shade.  It was as if the road was telling us that something special was just ahead.  Soon, between the trees, we could see grandma's house on the edge of town and then we were there.  We would race into the house and usually find grandma in the kitchen baking cookies.  We made that trip many times when I was young and while the journey to grandma's is a strong memory I don't remember anything about the ride back.

The one thing in grandma's house that was probably of the most value to her was the piano.  Back then it was a massive old upright, later she replaced it with a nice baby grand.  One memory that I am certain that I share with all of grandma's children and grandchildren is the piano lessons she gave us.  Some of us are better at playing than others but all of us left her house with an appreciation for music.  In Doctrine & Covenants 25:12 it says, "For my soul delighteth in the song of the heart; yea, the song of the righteous is a prayer unto me, and it shall be answered with a blessing upon their heads."  Grandma helped me to begin to love music.  Since then there has always been a song in my heart.  Having good music playing much of the time has been a tremendous help to me throughout this illness.  All my life I have loved to sing.  It was a wonderful feeling to hear my voice sing a beautiful song well, even when I was alone.  Now I cannot sing but in my heart I do and I believe Heavenly Father blesses me for it.  How grateful I am that grandma made me practice on her old piano.

Another thing I owe to grandma is my love for a garden.  I think I read my first seed catalog at her house and I was amazed at how many different kinds of corn there was.  Grandma always had a large garden and there were never very many weeds in it so she must have worked pretty hard at it.  I cannot remember ever eating a meal at her house without something from the garden included whether it was green beans, grape juice, carrots, or jam.  Her jams were the best ever, they always had something extra in them.  She put cherries in the raspberry and my favorite was the apricot jam with pieces of pineapple in it.  I suppose the reason I love to  garden though is because grandma had us work in her garden.  I learned to weed and it had to be done right before we could quit.  She would pay us to catch tomato worms even though we would have done that just for the fun of it.  And we picked everything from tomatoes and green beans to cantaloupe and grapes.  I have had a garden almost every year that Mom and I have been married, most have not been much to look at.  I have enjoyed every bit of the work involved but I think I do it more to honor grandma than for any other reason.

Finally, grandma was perhaps the best example of the next scripture that I have had in my life.

"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."

Mosiah 2:17

Her whole life was spent doing things for other people and I don't know of anyone who has lived a happier life.  She was always busy whether it was cooking for grandpa, giving us piano lessons, baking bread for someone in need, or fulfilling her church callings.  When grandma died she didn't have very much in the way of possessions to pass on but she left us a rich heritage that I treasure.

Now I want to tell you about one of my mission mothers, Sister Thorn.  I was in Bulawayo, Rhodesia when President and Sister Thorn came to lead the mission.  They came to Bulawayo with two of their children to meet the missionaries.  I mentioned earlier the wonderful spiritual experience I received when I first met President Thorn.  I felt that I knew him from that moment on, but because we had very little time to spend with her I was not sure about Sister Thorn.  A few months later I was transferred to Johannesburg and soon got to know Sister Thorn better.  She spoke to us in a zone conference and I was so impressed that I still remember what she talked about that day even though more than twenty years have passed.

But the quality about her that impressed me the most was the unmistakable unity that she had with President Thorn.  He was not complete without her.  Together they are a perfect example of this scripture.

"Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord."

1 Corinthians 11:11

Sister Thorn and President Thorn were not two separate people but one, undivided, President and Sister Thorn.  I cannot think of one without the other.  Sister Thorn became an example for me of the kind of girl that I wanted to marry, someone that would be as much a part of me as she is of President Thorn.

When I married your mother another wonderful mother became a part of my life, your Grandma Kris.  As I consider the influence that Grandma Kris has had on my life a scripture comes to my mind that characterizes what her life is all about.

"And it came to pass that I did go forth and partake of the fruit thereof; and I beheld that it was most sweet, above all that I ever before tasted.  Yea, and I beheld that the fruit thereof was white, to exceed all the whiteness that I had ever seen.

"And as I partook of the fruit thereof it filled my soul with exceedingly great joy; wherefore, I began to be desirous that my family should partake of it also; for I knew that it was desirable above all other fruit."

1 Nephi 8:11‑12

Grandma Kris has two great treasures in her life, the gospel and her family.  Everything she does is motivated by her love for these priceless possessions of hers.  Indeed, she has partaken of that fruit and her soul has been filled with "exceedingly great joy."  Now her only desire is that every member of her family also taste of that fruit and feel that joy that she has.

There are three traditions that Grandma Kris uses to share her love of the gospel with us, her family.  One is family reunions.  Everyone knows that if there is one grandma will be there and be very involved in whatever is going on whether it be preparing a meal, going on a hike, playing a game till very late at night, or cleaning up after everyone.  I have been to a lot of these reunions and my life has been enriched in many ways. 

Perhaps the most important way though is getting to know all the great people in grandma's family and developing a bond of friendship and love with them.  I remember playing ping pong or shuffleboard with Grandpa Dale.  All the while we would talk about anything that might be important to me and as we did I have learned to rely on grandpa as I would my own dad.  I remember becoming good friends with people like Dave Brandt.  We would do things together like playing a game till all hours of the night or just talking.  Through all the activities of these reunions I have come to think of these choice people as I do my own family.  I am grateful for the lives they live and the example they are to me of the gospel.  It is a great blessing to know that all these people pray for us as we go through the hardship of this illness.

The next tradition of grandma's is time spent at the cabin.  For grandma the cabin is a place where she can get away from the influence of the world.  There surrounded by the quiet of the forest she has gathered her family in activities that built unity, trust, and love among them.  They would go on hikes to Stewart Falls, play long games of Uno, push each other on the swing, or roast hot dogs and marshmallows over the fire.  Long talks were always a part of these activities.  The cabin has become a safe place for each member of the family to retreat from the world and find new strength to handle the problems facing them.  I have watched mom and her brothers and sisters go to a quiet place where they could be alone with grandma or grandpa to talk over whatever might be troubling them.  All of their problems were probably not solved there but I know that they come away from the cabin feeling more at peace.  I know because when I have been there I have felt the peace that is a part of the place.

The final and probably most valuable of grandma's traditions is the sharing of her testimony.  At every blessing of new babies in the family she stands and bears a strong witness of the gospel and of her love for her family.  She does the same at almost every opportunity presented to her, whether it be in a testimony meeting, a family reunion, a special family event, or a quiet one on one with a friend or family member.  She has shared her testimony by sending four valiant sons to various parts of the world to serve missions for the Lord.  But most of all she shares her testimony by example in the life that she lives.  There is no question that she knows the gospel is true and is determined to live true to it.  Grandma is very much like the mothers of the two thousand stripling warriors in the Book of Mormon.  What they said of their mothers  is a fitting tribute for Grandma Kris, "... yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them.  And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it."

Alma 56:47‑48

Finally, I want to share some things with you about your Grandma Gorrell, my mom.  As I think about my mom this scripture comes to my mind.

"Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth."

Mark 9:23

This may be the one most important principle that grandma taught me as I grew up, that if I believed in myself I could do anything.  Grandma did more than just teach me this though, somehow she instilled within me the belief that I can do anything I set my mind to. 

Part of this may have come from the fact that she let me try almost anything I thought I could handle, under her watchful eye.  This has filled my life with all kinds of different experiences.  I learned to make fudge when I was in the second grade and soon after that I learned I could cook almost anything if I followed directions.  When I was about ten years old my best friend and I decided to join the ward choir.  Of course being real men we had to sing bass.  Grandma helped me learn to read the bass part of the music and sing it an octave or two higher where my voice could handle it.  From that experience I learned that I could sing anything.  From then on all of my life has been filled with singing and the joy that it brings.  I learned that you cannot be in a bad mood very long if you are singing, so I sang almost constantly throughout my life.

There are countless other experiences I have enjoyed.  I will not tell you about them all here but I will mention a few of them.  I have had almost anything you can imagine as a pet from dogs and cats to chickens and lambs to chipmunks and guinea pigs.  I went on a week long campout with just my best friend when I was only twelve years old.  I drove in a stock car race when I was still in high school.  In almost every incident my mother has been one of my greatest supporters.  I was always confident because my mom believed in me.  It has become a tremendous blessing to me.  When I was called to go to Africa on a mission I was not afraid to go so far away from home, rather I was enthusiastic for the opportunity to have such an experience.  My mother has helped me to have the faith that I can handle whatever life brings me.  Now that I have this terrible illness I am certain that I can handle it, in large part because my mother believed in me.

I have many exceptional memories from my youth of my mother.  One came about when I became sick with the flu.  I was throwing up everything and so miserable I could not sleep.  Grandma came into the family room where I was to try to comfort me.  I asked her to play Puff the Magic Dragon, my favorite song at the time, on the piano.  When she was done I asked her to play it again.  She played it over and over until I fell asleep.  I remember feeling that everything would be ok as long as my mother was there and as long as I could hear her playing the piano I knew she was there.

Another memory taught me the importance of the temple.  We went to the temple to be sealed as a family for eternity when I was ten years old.  We lived in Baker, Oregon and the closest temple was in Idaho Falls, Idaho, a major trip back then.  My mom and dad scrimped and saved to make the trip.  When they had enough money we headed for Idaho Falls.  On the way we picked up Grandma and Grandpa Hansen and after what seemed like an eternity on the road we arrived.  As the brethren at the temple checked over our family group sheet they found a problem.  My sister Suzanne had just turned eight years old and had not been baptized yet, which had to be done before she could be sealed to my mom and dad.  This now became a major problem because we didn't have the recommend for her that you need for baptism and no easy way to get it.

I wondered what my mom and dad would do faced with this obstacle.  I do not know all the details but somehow they worked it out so they could baptize Aunt Suzanne in the ward of one of grandma's uncles.  He lived not too far from Idaho Falls so we made the extra trip, baptized my sister, and spent the night.  The next day we returned to the temple and were sealed as a family for all eternity.  It worked out that grandma and grandpa were able to arrange for Aunt Suzanne's baptism while we were still in Idaho.  If that had not been the case though I believe they would have made the long trip home, taken care of the baptism, and returned to the temple for our sealing.  The lesson I learned was that the ordinances of the temple were so important to my mother and father that they wouldn't let any obstacles stop them from receiving them.  From that point on I knew within me that temple marriage was the only way that would be acceptable for me.

This illness is not the first life threatening one that I have had.  When I was five years old I had an ear infection that would not go away with the medicine they gave me.  Soon the infection began to spread, the doctors were afraid it would reach my brain and I would die.  So they decided to operate.  The operation itself was very dangerous but I made it through ok.  I think you've all seen the scar behind my ear.  After the operation I was so weak  that I came down with a kidney disease that is usually fatal.  I did recover but I was very sick for several months.  I cannot imagine how hard this was on my parents to have a child almost die.  I know that my dad was just as concerned as my mom but most of the work of caring for me fell on my mother.  I suspect that much of the reason that I recovered is because of the faith and work of my mother.  Now it serves as a great example to me of what simple faith and hard work can accomplish.  In fighting this illness I follow that example.

As I have shared a few experiences of mine that have come to me from grandma you may have noticed that grandpa was often mentioned with her.  The reason for that is that like President and Sister Thorn it is really impossible to separate the two.  Even with grandpa dying a few years ago I believe they are still not that far apart.  Most of grandma's time now is spent doing things for her children and grandchildren and watching out for them.  For grandpa the same is true, I have often felt his influence watching out for me.  Knowing him as I do I am certain that his activities on the other side of the veil revolve around what is most important to him, his family.  If he could speak to us now I think he would say, "I love you all very much.  Please take care of each other as I would if I were there.  Live the gospel as you know you should.  Help Grandma every chance you get and know that I love her most of all."  We can all honor grandma and grandpa by doing these things.

Well, this brings us to your mother.  You may have noticed that throughout these letters to you that whenever I used the word mom to refer to your mother I capitalised it.  Most often it was in a phrase like Mom and I.  When I used that phrase without the word mom capitalised it felt like I was implying that I was more important than Mom.  If anything the opposite is true so I decided to capitalise Mom to show that she is at least as important as I am.  Over the next couple of pages I will be telling you of some experiences that your Mom and I have shared and of some of my feelings about your mother.  These things are very important to me and I will not look kindly on you should you make light of them.

Your Mom and I met in November, 1975 while we were going to BYU.  A friend of mine, Alan, and I went on a double date.  I took a very nice girl named Nancy and Alan took a girl named Becky, your mother.  We went to a musical program in the Marriot Center.  We both picked up our dates and met at the program.  Nancy and I arrived first and waited for Alan and his date in our seats.  When they arrived Alan introduced us.  In all my life I have never been more impressed upon meeting someone than I was when I met your mother.  She was the most beautiful girl I had ever met, but there was something more than that about her.

I could not get her out of my mind.  Later that evening when I was walking Nancy home we ran into a friend of mine from back home in Washington.  As I introduced Nancy to him I said her name was Becky.  Boy, was I embarrassed!  When I got back to the dorm the first thing I did was go to Alan's room to find out what he thought of this remarkable girl that he had been out with.  He had not been affected by her as I was and said that it was alright with him if I dated her.  I got her phone number and began talking to her almost everyday.  Finally, I got up enough courage to ask her out.  She turned me down.  That happened three times so I gave up on her.  Then she asked me out and about six months later we were married. 

I have often thought about this experience and how strongly affected I was by just meeting your mother.  I have come to the conclusion that we must have known each other before this life.  I suspect that our relationship was as close there as it is here.  I believe we made promises to each other that we would live in such a way that when we renewed our relationship here in this life we would be able to go to the temple and be sealed together for time and all eternity.  I feel that the reason I was affected so much when we met is because I recognized her, my spirit knew that this was someone very important to me.  How grateful I am that we found each other.

As I think about things that are important to Mom I am brought back to the family.  Most of her life has revolved around doing things for you children or for me, often without recognition or thanks.  One of those things is sewing for you.  When you were younger she made almost all of your clothes.  To do a good job at it she has taken classes on making everything from t-shirts to fancy dresses to pants.  She made the beautiful white dresses that you girls wore when we went to the temple.  She has made quilts for each of you.  One year for Christmas she made you all a snake stuffed animal.  For me Mom has made everything from shirts to gym shorts to the sweat pants that I wear now.  And now that you are all older I still hear requests for mom to fix something or to make you a pair of shorts.  This is only one of the things she does to make life better for you and me.  As I think of the countless hours she has spent working for us I am reminded once again of the scripture I used to describe Grandma Hansen.

"And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God."

Mosiah 2:17

Much of Mom's life has been spent in service to us and while we may have taken that service for granted I am certain it has not gone un-noticed by Heavenly Father.

Another thing Mom has brought to our family is our tradition of camping.  Even though I lived fairly close to the ocean in Washington I had never been there until Mom decided we should go as a family.  Consider all the places we have been to, Fish Lake, the Hoh Rain Forest, the Grand Canyon, the Olympic Peninsula, Dead Horse Point, Zions National Park, Goblin Valley, and our favorite place Arches National Park.  These are only a few of the places we've been to, there are many others that I'm sure you can think of.  Going on these trips was mostly Mom's idea and most of the work of getting ready for them fell on her.  She would buy and pack the food, pack our clothes, gather up our camping gear and whatever else we might need to have a good time as a family.

Think of the things we've done on these trips.  We fed apples to the deer in the orchard at Capitol Reef.  We climbed to the top of Elephant Rock in Canyonlands and when we looked down at the old green van remember how small it looked.  We hiked through the Fiery Furnace in Arches even though the ranger thought we would never make it with so many small kids.  We played in the ocean at Sequim Bay.  We went swimming in the cold water of Flaming Gorge Reservoir.  We toured the Mckinley Dam on the Columbia River and then watched the big fish swim through the fish ladders.  Without Mom's efforts to get us to go on these trips we would have missed out on all of these and many other experiences we have had as a family.

Recall with me some of the different memories we have made on these camps.  I remember walking back to camp late at night in Capitol Reef when two skunks crossed the road about half a block in front of us.  Tessa wanted to pet them and she would have if I had not held her back.  Jennifer's Rock at Fish Lake comes to mind where Jenny fell face first from about fifteen feet up.  She lost two or three teeth and had to have several stitches.  With all that the first place she went to play the next day was back to the rock.  I remember wading along the shore at Flaming Gorge when the waves began to come in real strong.  We played a game where we would see who could get hit by the biggest wave and not fall down.

Now let your mind go to one of your fondest memories from our trips.  Stop reading for a moment and in your mind relive that experience, feel again why that occasion became special to you.  For me it was going for a quiet walk with grandpa in the rain forest.  Suddenly we came upon a bull elk a little ways in front of us.  We just stood still and admired that beautiful animal for several minutes.  Even though neither one of us spoke I knew we both felt the same right at that moment.  I realized that my dad had given me a wonderful gift, a love and respect for the outdoors and all wildlife.  In much the same way Mom has given you the gift of these memories and experiences.  I am grateful and you should be also to Mom that it was important to her that we go to the effort to build these memories as a family.  Like Grandma Kris Mom has established a tradition that has strengthened our family and is something that each of you can follow in your own families to make memories that will bind you together.

I want you all to know how I feel about your mother.  As I mentioned earlier when I was looking for a wife I wanted to find a girl like Sister Thorn, someone that would be as much a part of me as she is of President Thorn.  In your mother I found that person, I cannot imagine life without her.  Where I have weaknesses she has the strengths that bring a balance to our relationship.  I want you to know that I love your mother very much, I think I have from the time we first met.  But maybe a more important word in our relationship is work.  Love cannot live very long without work and Mom and I have worked very hard to build a family and a companionship that will continue eternally.  I am committed completely to your Mom, without her my life would be very much incomplete.  She is the major part of why I struggle against this illness, if she were not here I think I would have given up long ago.

When we were first married I wanted to do everything I could to take care of and protect your Mom.  I would open doors for her or get up in the night with the babies so she would get more rest.  When we bought the house I worked very hard to make it nice for Mom.  I would go to extra effort to make the yard look great, usually I would edge the sidewalks, trim all the borders, and then mow the lawn twice so it would look very neat.  Often I would vacuum the house or cook a meal or do the dishes to help Mom.  I am sure I haven't done near all that I should have though. I really enjoyed bringing Mom a flower or making her a cherry cheesecake.  And I miss going on dates with her to our favorite mexican restaurant.  I still wish I could do all these and many other things for Mom but I can't.

Before I became ill I took care of the responsibilities that naturally fall to the husband.  I took care of the yard, did the maintenance on the cars, repaired things around the house, or any number of other things that a man would normally do in a family.  Each night I would check all of you, turn off all the lights, and make sure everything was alright in the house before I went to bed.  As this disease has progressed I have been able to do fewer and fewer of these things.  While you kids help with some of these things most of this work has fallen on Mom.

Another result of this illness is that I need more and more care and help.  At the beginning there were very few outward signs that I was sick.  I did, however, have a lot of strange pains in different parts of my body.  Several times I ended up at the hospital thinking I was having a heart attack.  Mom was always there to comfort me and help me through it.  While the doctors were trying to find out what was wrong with me I went through countless tests, some quite painful, and at every one Mom was at my side.  When I went on an experimental drug Mom drove the forty miles from home to the hospital and back every day.  She also was the one who learned to  give me the shots and did so every day for several months.

As I have become less and less able to do things for myself you kids and Mom have had to help me with everything from eating to going to the bathroom and even translating for me when I talk to friends.  I want you all to know how thankful I am for all your help.  I also want you to know that while each of you do a lot for me Mom does the most and usually the more unpleasant tasks are left for her.  While this illness has brought me considerable suffering most of the weighty burden from it has fallen on Mom.  Remember that and help her whenever you can.  But even more important than that please consider well the things you ask of her.  I am certain that Mom is willing and happy to do things for you but just like everyone else there are limits to her energy.  Do not add frivolous wants to the burden that she already carries.

In the front room of our home is a large picture of an early Mormon mother with her three young daughters kneeling around her in prayer.  As I understand it they are praying for their father who was away on a mission.  This picture represents well your mother.  Like this mother Mom is left mostly alone to care for her family.  And also like that valiant mother Mom goes to Heavenly Father every day in prayer on my behalf.  Mom, like Grandma Gorrell, is working very hard and using her strong faith in the Saviour to help me as we struggle with this adversity.  In large part it is because of her that I have done so well.

I hope that what I have shared here gives you an idea of how important your mother is to me.  Writing this has given me an increased appreciation for all these wonderful mothers and especially for Mom.  I realize again how much they all have done for me.  I thank Heavenly Father for the great blessing they have been in my life and I pray for His blessings to ever be with them.  I always strive to have the Spirit with me as I write these letters to you.  Because of this I have caught a glimpse of how much Heavenly Father loves your mother and what an exceptional spirit she is.  In her patriarchal blessing she is described as a "noble daughter" of Heavenly Father.  I suspect that I have not fully done all that I should have to honor her as my Father in Heaven would have had me do.  If I could I would do whatever it takes to make her life easier, to take care of her, and to let her know how important she is to me.  Now that I am so disabled by this illness please help me to do so for her.  If I should die from this illness I leave you with a charge to care for her as I would if I were here.

Now we return again to the scripture that we read at the beginning of this letter.

"Honour thy father and thy mother, as the LORD thy God hath commanded thee; that thy days may be prolonged, and that it may go well with thee, in the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."

Deuteronomy 5:16

I said I would teach you what it means to honor your mother.  The word honor in the thesaurus is represented by the following words: esteem, respect, reverence, honesty, integrity, morality, name, character, chastity, modesty, purity, admire, praise, bless.  These words suggest that there are two parts to what it means to honor your mother.  The first part is expressed by the words esteem, respect, reverence, admire, praise, bless.  This is the part that I imagine everyone thinks of when they hear this commandment.  It is summed up by the word reverence, which to me means to respect and obey.  This first part then is done by how you treat your mother.

The other words, honesty, integrity, morality, character, name, chastity, modesty, purity, indicate the other part of honoring your mother.  This is done by the life that you live.  When you live a worthy life you honor your mother.  It shows that you value the things that she has taught you.  Remember this commandment carries a blessing for you with it.  If you honor your mother your life will be prolonged and things will go well for you.  So be obedient, show her the respect that she deserves, and live the kind of life that will make her proud.

I have shared a few things about these mothers that make them great.  They are worthy of the honor that you and I should give them.  Another way to do that is to follow their example.  Boys find a girl to marry who has the same good traits that they have.  Girls live the kind of life they have shown and you will do alright.  I hope that I have not fallen short in honoring them by the life I have lived.

Finally, I want you to know that when you honor your mother you also honor me.  Anything you do that hurts her hurts me too.  When you do something for her you do it for me also because she is the most important part of me.  Love Dad.